Today’s post was written by Kris Washington.
I was always the one who was the first to speak up when the subject of “cheating” came on the table. “NOT ME!” I’d announce. I stated that was the one thing I’d never put up with and I said it loudly. My husband knew, my friends knew, if you knew me, you knew. Having grown up with a father who was constantly in adultery and missing from the house for weekends and dinners, I knew that was something I would never allow to happen and I’d never endure…
…and then 2010 arrived. It happened to me. I discovered my husband; the man of my dreams, the sun to my morning and the beat to my heart was in adultery after almost 16 years of a faithful marriage. He had been in a weird state for several months prior to the discovery, a state of confusion and conflict of not wanting to be married any longer but I still never expected this. Not from him.
I tried my best to get him to see the light, to keep fighting for us and to not give in to the thoughts of wanting to leave. I twisted and bended myself into a pretzel to try and meet everything he said was missing and nothing worked. He left. Moved a mile and a half away and continued in his adultery.
Everything that he took with him left a gaping hole but his missing presence is what sucked the life out of the house for everyone. There was no denying it. HE WAS GONE and even though he told our four kids he might be back, I wasn’t quite so sure and our kids knew he wouldn’t. I was knocked to the floor and for the first time in the 10 month struggle, instead of getting up to fight the battle myself, I stayed on the ground and laid prostrate and cried out to God for help.
While soaking the carpet in my closet to keep my kids from hearing my deep cries, I poured out my heart to God and asked Him for guidance. What He shared with me and brought me through, changed my life forever.
God did a work in me. He showed me all the ways I had fallen prey to the deception society sets for a wife and how marriage should be and then He showed me the kind of wife my husband needed me to be. I was convicted at how I had fallen short and the pain was immense but I told God I’d be obedient and change so I could line myself up with His will.
This was all new for me. I had known about Christ but did not KNOW Him. I was a Christian but not really a follower. I believed but had never submitted. When I was brought to my knees, I was forced to get to know God because I had nowhere else to turn, no one else who could help me. Friends told me to “move on” and “find someone better” but God said to hang on and He’d restore my marriage and so I did.
It was brutally painful but God did some amazing things in me and through me and in our home. God spoke to me and I heard his voice for the first time ever. He held my hand and walked me through the fire. He didn’t allow me to skip over the fire but he refined me while I was in it.
That was almost 2 years ago. We are restored and I can truly say what God allowed was for our good. I would go back to that day in March of 2010 when I found the letter from the other woman and relive it all again just to get where I am with God and where I am in my life and with my husband. Our marriage is better now and I don’t say that to sell it, it is. When God is in the midst of something He doesn’t rebuild halfway, He goes all out.
Many will read this and think I take the blame for the breakdown of our marriage. I don’t! Even though my husband blamed me as he walked out the door, He too will tell you that I was not to blame at all. For 16 years, our marriage had been slightly out of alignment with neither of us having Christ at the head of our union. That slight alignment kept getting more and more out of alignment until the break occurred just as Satan had planned. Just as society sets up individuals to deal with problems. It took the break down to create the rebuilding. What the enemy thought would tear us apart for good only brought us closer and made us stronger because God is always victorious.
If your marriage, your life or any relationship is in shambles, go to the greatest Healer and Restorer there is and allow Jesus to heal you and bring forth His will. It’s only then when you’ll finally be on the path that will never lead you astray.
Kris Washington is a Jesus Girl, a wife, a mother of 4. She’s a lover of words, a fan of photography and a major foodie. She can be found on Facebookwhere she encourages other standers in their daily walk and helps wives to become Godly wives in their marriages the way God intended. Her marriage ministry, HelloGod Ministries is coming soon!
Kim Sorgius
Kim is just a girl, crazy in love with Jesus. She's a single mother of 4, a passionate homeschooler and life-long student. After teaching 8 years in public school, she traded her M.A. in Early Childhood for sippy cups and homeschool co-ops. Kim is the owner and editor of The Homeschool Village and Not Consumed where she encourages others to rest victoriously in the hands of God, rather than allowing life's difficult circumstances to consume.
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Kris,
My story is very much like yours, except we had been married 25 years when my husband was unfaithful to me. Like you God brought me to my knees & showed me things about myself I didn’t really like. God promised to redeem my marriage & restore what the locust had eaten. I moved out for awhile & while we were separated the affair ended but not by my husband’s choice. He did ask me to come back. I wish I could tell you my marriage has been redeemed & is better than before,but I can’t. We will celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary in Aug. I am holding on to God’s promise, for I know He is faithful. Thank you for sharing. It helps keep my hope alive
I would be honored to pray for your marriage, friend. God is faithful and He can be trusted with His promises! Holding onto those promises for your family and mine, friend. (Hang around…I’ve got another story that will knock your socks off…coming next week!)
Cynder60 – hang onto God’s promises! I spoke to a formal prodigal last year who left his marriage after 22 years and was in adultery for several years. He went back home and he said it was HELL for 4 years but they pressed on often living like roommates. And then restoration hit. He went on a trip for 22 days out of the country for work and while he was gone, God put a love in his heart so deep for his wife again and meanwhile back at home, the same was happening to her. When he returned he said it was like a honeymoon. It’s like the time apart allowed their love to come back through being away. God is a restorer and he does not lie or go back on his word. Keep renewing your mind, keep laying your husband at the cross and keep doing what you need to do for God and He will handle the rest
Prayers for you and your family
He is ABLE!
Restoration is still alive and well!!! I was married for 7 years before my husband walked out of our marriage. Long story short, we were divorced in ’09 after a VERY ugly year and a cross country move that uprooted my daughter and I from our friends, church and everything that we took comfort in…except God. In October 2011, my husband and I were remarried and 3 weeks later I was pregnant with our restoration baby! We just celebrated 11 years of marriage. We chose to continue the number of years we have been married from the first date of marriage because our vows are for better or for worse, in good times and bad. We chose to celebrate on the new wedding date because God makes ALL things new! I am happy to share my testimony with anyone as I beleive it gives hope to anyone, not just someone going thru what I went thru; showing that God is in control, he is carrying you in his arms even when you feel completely alone and joy truly does come in the morning! Blessings!!