Rain beats down on my face day after day. My heart pleads for a break, but it won’t come. I try to cling tight to THE ONE who saves, but my fingers slip away. Some days I believe the promises that He has spoken over me. Others I find my grip loosening with doubt.
Oh, how badly I want to believe Him, but the clouds are so dark. The storm is so fierce. Doubt creeps in like an unwanted friend. He binds me with lies and I can not come undone.
With the mountain of circumstances looming, I pick up the phone and call her. I knew that I could count on her to talk me down from the ledge. I knew she would remind me that God is faithful. I knew she would hold up her umbrella while we walk through the rain.
This time was different. After listening to my woes, she said only one thing. “Maybe God isn’t who He said He is.”
My mind instantly flashed back to the battle field. The place where a tiny little shepherd boy talked smack on that menacing giant. He didn’t have an ounce of fear. Not an ounce of doubt. He knew that God was exactly who He said He was. He claimed it.
One shot and the enemy was dead. David fulfilled his own words and cut off Goliath’s head with his own sword. The battle was the Lord’s and David had nothing but faith.
Well…until his circumstances changed. Fast forward a few chapters and he finds himself in grave danger. King Saul desires his life and will do anything to get it. The same man who spat curses on the enemy of the Lord was now running, hiding, and doubting. In just 4 short chapters, He has gone from hero to zero. The situation looks bleak. He lies to get food and a sword to protect himself.
WHAT? Wait a minute…the same guy who killed a giant with a slingshot and a stone is now lying to get a sword. Why? What could have happened?
His focus shifted. As long as his eyes were on God, the giant would be brought down. The minute his eyes shifted to the mountain of circumstances, the dirt started piling up.
I think long and hard about how I’m like David. One minute proclaiming God is able, the next wavering in the quicksand of doubt.
For just like David, choices made in that quicksand have consequences. Death, heart break and regret that I wish would simply not come.
But choices made with my eyes on Jesus bring victory over my giants. For He has already overcome!
The words of my friend… they pierced my soul. For God IS WHO HE SAID HE IS and my doubt is plain blasphemy. I must choose to believe. Not stopping for one second to ponder the dirt on the mountain.
There will be days when trust comes easy and days when I am weak from hanging on. God desires to do a work in me through both. I don’t need to feel guilty when it’s hard to breathe. But I must keep my eyes focused.
Doubt…you’ve been unfriended.
Have you unfriended doubt? What makes it so hard to believe God?
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