seasons of waiting {when the pain can’t be skipped}

Today’s post is written by Amber.

Waiting.

It is a loaded word that stirs up all sorts of emotions in us. It implies a sense of suspended life in anticipation of some awaited event. In some ways, yes. But how do we wait?

• Excitedly counting down the days for a joyous event.
• With mindless distractions and time fillers- magazines, iphones, video games, TV.
• With building dread and mounting stress as time lurches forward toward something we wish wouldn’t happen.
• Looking intensely at those around us to try and decipher the “rules” to make our life look the way we want it.
• Endlessly looking for a way around or out to make our waiting time less.
• Complaining and whining- often quietly in our own minds, but other times aloud to those around us (or over our cell phones).
• Searching for a new path to go down, a new passion to throw our selves into so we can just skip the waiting.

But what if your life is in the waiting?

What if this is the path God has chosen for you?

What if this is where He has lovingly buried your blessings?

What if this is where He is calling you to reach out to someone?

What if He is refining you for the next thing?

Or what if it is all these things?

My life is a living testimony to each one of these. After my little girl was born my life and heart were so full. I had a husband, two kids, friends, family, and faith that filled my days with joy (mostly). But then my own health began to fail. Day to day living became a challenge. I could no longer plan, schedule, expect, or even will myself to get up sometimes. After a long process of diagnosing, tests, surgery, and medications for an autoimmune disease, I began to finally turn the corner. Through it all I learned a life changing lesson… abiding. My God is calling me to give Him my life each and every day surrendering to His plan. I learned to trust where He would call me. To trust as He changed my plans. To trust that He knows best. But most importantly to rest that every day He would give me the energy and ability to complete His plans- no more, no less.

Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that two days after God lovingly revealed this lesson in Truth to me that He would call me to live. it. full out.

At a routine doctor’s appointment my two year old little girl was diagnosed with kidney cancer.  The storm I never saw coming over my shoulder now engulfed us. In less than an hour we went from the pediatrician’s office to inpatient on the pediatric oncology floor at the hospital. Life would never again be the same. There is no going back.

It is a journey I wish for no one, but it has been raw and real for us in a way nothing in life has ever been. When you live in the place where life and death meet; suffering, pain, longing, heartbreak, and loss become close companions. But at the same time life is stripped bare- reduced to its lowest common denominator. It is a place where the veil is pulled back for momentary glimpses into the Holy of Holies and there is beauty. We saw it everywhere from those very first moments in the intimate way God carried us. It is in the hospital staff, the praise music, the words of encouragement, the fellow sojourners on the road, the opportunities to bless and minister to others, the beauty of His creation, the palpable presence of God.

But most importantly we learned we could not live waiting. We cannot put our life on hold and wait for a day she feels better, wait until treatment is over, wait until our hearts heal, wait for our life to feel normal again, wait for long term disabilities to improve, wait for our family to go back to the way it was, wait until we ‘feel’ like it, wait for the countless children’s funerals to stop, wait for the next scan to be clear and the next and the next. This is our life. The one He has given us and is calling us down.

If we try and skip the waiting, we miss the living. We miss the promises, the blessings, the refining, the beauty, the provision, the joys, the calling, and the holy.

Are you waiting for something before you start living fully? 

Do you believe that God has ordained the life you are living and is using it for your good and His greater plan, regardless of your circumstances?

Amber is a mom of two- Carter(8) and Julia(6) who lives in North Carolina (after eighteen moves all over the globe). She is married to a wonderful man who loves his family and is growing in his faith. She journeys through life as a Christ-following, homeschooling, mother of two (one cancer-warrior), wife, daughter, sister, friend, and pediatric cancer crusader. (…might need a bigger cape.) She walks this crazy journey blessed beyond belief and thanking God daily for His guidance and grace, hoping to leave a legacy of faith. She blogs at Little Papi and Punkin.

Read other posts from this series:

1. seasons of waiting {introduction}

3. seasons of waiting {when you feel empty}

4. seasons of waiting {when you feel alone}

5. seasons of waiting {when you feel like the door is shut}

6. seasons of waiting {1000 things}

7. seasons of waiting {how long}

Linked with Far Above Rubies, Titus 2sday, A Mother’s Heritage, Women Living Well and Growing Home

Kim Sorgius

Kim is just a girl, crazy in love with Jesus. She's a single mother of 4, a passionate homeschooler and life-long student. After teaching 8 years in public school, she traded her M.A. in Early Childhood for sippy cups and homeschool co-ops. Kim is the owner and editor of The Homeschool Village and Not Consumed where she encourages others to rest victoriously in the hands of God, rather than allowing life's difficult circumstances to consume.

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Last updated by Kim Sorgius at May 16, 2012.

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