Today’s post is written by Dana Pittman.
She shattered my heart. At least, that’s the way if felt. My friend managed to take our friendship, crumble it into a little ball, and toss it out the window. In my shock, and grief, I shutdown.
All systems failed.
Houston…we have a problem.
I cried until my tears cried. I tried to pray but honestly did not know what to pray since I had seen it coming. It was like a runaway train. Heading straight for me. I thought I could dodge it yet remain on the same course. But not so.
I was left friendless and heartbroken.
For some, this may seem a bit dramatic. But for most of my life I was a loner. I am the eldest child and with it came a great responsibility. I worked. I did not have time for friendships.
Actually, I once did and because of a misunderstanding our friendship ended abruptly. Years later after we reestablished our relationship she shared that her boyfriend did not like me. What can I say? I was a feisty young woman who didn’t take any mess from anybody, which usually rubbed people the wrong way.
Unbeknownst to me, my heart made a pact with my fragile feeling. No longer, would I let people in. I would not love and give. No, I was just fine alone.
Who needs friends anyway?
Until this particular friend squeezed pass the pack and before I knew it. I had a girlfriend again. But our friendship was not meant to last.
You see along the way I noticed my life was missing something. My marriage was great. Kids awesome. But I felt a void. That void was Christ calling me back to Him.
In response, I began studying the Word nearly nonstop. I was in a Tuesday morning bible study and a Wednesday night bible study. I began reading the bible daily. And finally, I felt whole. Complete.
However, I did not realize my growing relationship with Jesus would cost me my friendship. I did not realize I was changing. Not physically because I still stood a mere 5’2. I still could talk to a fly on the wall. But I was different.
I changed.
God was doing a work on me and I can’t say that I noticed.
Jokes between my friend and I did not hold that same humor. I did not care for hanging at the same places. Our tastes in entertainment changed.
I had decided to follow Christ. No apologies. No exception. And it was as if the more I said “yes” to Christ, the more I was losing my friendship. It wasn’t until I said goodbye to the relationship that I realized…I was not longer the same person. Yet, the pain of losing her friendship hurt.
I trust you.
I cried and prayed. I prayed and cried. I would see something cool and I couldn’t call her. I would drive pass our favorite hangout locations, and search the parking lot for her car. Until one day, I recall telling God…I trust you.
I trusted that He would comfort me (Psalm 23:4). I trusted He had begun a great work in me and He would see it to completion (Philippians 1:6).
Looking back it seems like that first big fight a couple has that establishes an unseen bond. The bond signaling, we may go through bumps in the road but I won’t leave you. He never left me.
I learned a great lesson. Trust God with everything. I did not realize I had such issues with friendships and women until I experienced the loss of this relationship. By letting God in, and trusting Him, He was able to help me see I had to address it.
How could I be called to lead women and not like women?
Years later, my work within the body of Christ has flourished. He healed my heart and filled my life with more wonderful women. I believe it’s all because I learned to let go and trust God to do what only He can do.
“My eyes fail, looking for your promise; I say, ‘When will you comfort me?’” Psalm 119:82
How has being a follower of Christ affected your closest relationships? How would you comfort those learning to trust God with all things in their lives?
Kim Sorgius
Kim is just a girl, crazy in love with Jesus. She's a single mother of 4, a passionate homeschooler and life-long student. After teaching 8 years in public school, she traded her M.A. in Early Childhood for sippy cups and homeschool co-ops. Kim is the owner and editor of The Homeschool Village and Not Consumed where she encourages others to rest victoriously in the hands of God, rather than allowing life's difficult circumstances to consume.
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Thanks for sharing, Dana, and for being vulnerable. He does call us “friend,” doesn’t He? Enjoyed your writing style.
Yes He does and I am thankful and grateful. You are more than welcome and I appreciate your kind words.
Thanks for sharing, Dana. I totally identified and appreciated your transparency.
Pilar, my sister, thank you for the support. Our testimonies are a powerful way for God to use us. Transparency is a emotional, sometimes scary, place to stand but I aim to be usable.
Thanks again sis!
I SO know what you mean. I experienced the loss of many friendships (through the church) when I filed for divorce from my husband for Biblical grounds. It took years to make those friendships but these women felt awkward about it (*I guess because no one came out to tell me this) and so they just drifted away………..I also experienced another loss of a dear friend as you did – becoming more committed to God and the things of God, and that was tough but I knew that it was the right thing to do. She just stopped returning my calls and emails and declined getting together with me. God is such a great HEART-HEALER.
Brenda, it’s awful to lose friends for any reason but I’m learning that everyone is not meant to go on the this journey we call life. I’m reminded of that quote about “reason, season, lifetime” quote. I have learned to stick close to God…people will come (I’ll enjoy their presence) and people may go (I’ll cherish the memories). But He remains the same. Take care my friend.
Thank you, Dana, that is such a great way to look at this! My best girlfriend tells me to hold everything and everyone up loosely before the Lord…….thanks for the reminder
You’re welcome. I like that one too.
I completely identify with this in more than one way. I lost girlfriends when I got married. Now that I am following God even more closely, I seem to be losing my husband. Learning to praise God despite the circumstances and be grateful for all He does.
Heather, thank you for sharing and I will pray for you and your husband. Continue to praise Him and seek His heart. Take care dear sister.
I just love to hear stories about how God’s heals our hearts…thank you so much for sharing! Looking forward to She Speaks
You’re welcome. I can’t wait. Praying the butterflies in my stomach don’t get the best of me.
Really hit home! Feels good to know I’m not the only one
That’s great to know. Take care.
So enjoyed this. I’ve been here. I didn’t realize until years later that I’d changed and she hadn’t. It’s unfortunate that something like this could tear two people apart. Enjoyed!
Thanks Kelly. Unfortunate, yes. But what’s wonderful is sharing it and realizing “I’m not the only one…”. That feeling can cause us to do and say some crazy things. I’d rather share, thank God for the revelation and move forward.
I realize this is an old post but I have to comment. I have been separated from my husband for a year. I was recently out with a good friend I have had since childhood. We have had our ups and downs but we have remained friends. We were discussing my situation and I told her that I was being hopeful and trusting God to fix my situation, fix my marriage. She disagreed and kept on about how awful my husband had treated me and that I was not being respectful of myself and that I should just end it myself. I kept telling her that in my heart I did not want a divorce and so I was not going to file for divorce. If my husband did, that was one thing but I was not going to. She continued to go on and on about how wrong I was and I ended up crying and anyways, it was a horrible night. I woke up the next day feeling really weird about it not to mention angry. I was angry that, despite what she believed, she didn’t support how I felt. I thought she should have just accepted how I felt and left it at that but she kept on with her beliefs. Needless to say we don’t really talk anymore. Sometimes I feel like I should just forget about it and let her back in but I think there would just be weirdness between us. What do you think of this?
People rarely understand the decision to fight against divorce. We are too programmed to meet our own needs today. Friend, I have walked this path and can promise you that you will never regret the choice NOT to file for divorce. Walk in faith and obey His commands.
As for your friend, we are called to love. Love her and cultivate that friendship-especially if she wants it. If she begins to talk about the topic of your marriage- tell her that it is off-limits. Honestly, I had to shut that topic down with most of my friends. It’s NEVER best for you to do something against God’s calling over your life. I’m still baffled that people suggest that. We must remember- the path is narrow. So many can not understand.