The golden squares of the doors shimmer as the sun bounces in every direction. How badly I want to just leave them closed, but I know I can not. My hand reaches out to pry open what is heavy. The ascent to the forth floor consumes with anxiety. My knees are weak and I can scarcely find the strength to step out of the elevator. I whisper a prayer. Lord, I don’t have the strength to even move my feet. I am depending on you to do it. All too quickly, the door of the elevator opens and my feet submit.
I must remind myself of truth. God has asked me to fight for my family. He has put in place a government system that protects (Romans 13:4). I attempt to calm the shaking in my hands, as I scan the room for a trash can just in case the nausea becomes more. You would think it was my first visit here. But sadly I am a familiar face, having spent far too much time in this legal mess already.
She returns and leads me into her office. The paper she hands me feels so heavy that I must sit down. It’s very particles burn the tips of my shaking fingers. “It’s just a piece of paper,” she whispers. ” I know you don’t like it, but the court will order it so even if you don’t sign it.”
I know she is right. My failure to sign won’t stop it from happening. Even though it takes two to get married, I no longer have a voice. Failure to sign will simply waive any ability to help my kids. She steps out of the room to see another client. My eyes scan the white board in her office…full of cases. Trial dates, mediations, and more deaths of families. I can’t bare to look there anymore, so I shift to the other corner.
That is when HE gets my attention. On the wall, a printout of an email boldly proclaimed:
God brought you to this place, He will bring you out.
I look back down to a now tear-stained paper. God will bring me out of this.
Right there in the most dreadful place I know, God poured out His love for me. Reminding me that He is not absent from this place. The paper suddenly became meaningless. I knew I was in obedience and I knew that He had just wrapped me in His promise. He will bring me out. He is not going to leave me here in the dessert, gasping for air. He will bring me out.
The Lord will rescue me from every evil deed and bring me safely into his heavenly kingdom. To him be the glory forever and ever. Amen. 2 Timothy 4:18
Have you ever found yourself in a dreadful place only to be comforted by our precious Savior? I’d love to hear your story.
Linking with The Better Mom, Lowercase Letters, Women Living Well, Good Morning Girls and Graceful, Your Thriving Family
Kim Sorgius
Kim is just a girl, crazy in love with Jesus. She's a single mother of 4, a passionate homeschooler and life-long student. After teaching 8 years in public school, she traded her M.A. in Early Childhood for sippy cups and homeschool co-ops. Kim is the owner and editor of The Homeschool Village and Not Consumed where she encourages others to rest victoriously in the hands of God, rather than allowing life's difficult circumstances to consume.
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Everyday. Cancer is awful, and when all I want to do is quit he pushes me on. This is a heartbreaking email, and I wish you nothing but happy thoughts and prayers.
I have a dear friend that is walking the path of cancer. I know she would agree…everyday God pushes her to the next!
Yes, this is a very tough place to be in – I was there 3 years ago signing the judgment 2 1/2 years after we separated. It was very sobering, and as much as I wanted to believe that my marriage could be resurrected from the ashes, because God is more than capable of doing this mighty work, my husband did not want to do what was required to restore our marriage. May you grow in your relationship with the Lord in a much deeper way as a result of this experience and May He continue to guide and protect you.
Thanks for you sweet words, Brenda and for stopping by today!
Bless you, Kim, for your heartbreak over your broken marriage, for how weighty the issue of divorce is for you, for your love of your children, your God and, indeed, your marriage.
God will faithfully uphold you. Your tenderness and your writing are beautiful. I will be back.
So glad you will be back. God has been so gracious to me. I can’t help but share!
:0(. Loss of any kind can be so utterly overwhelming. Isn’t it so awesome when He makes Himself known to us? I have felt His presence at the darkest moments of my life. he is so faithful. Prayed that you will continue to find His comfort during this difficult time.
now I’m crying with you
but I’m also encouraged knowing that you are walking with Him – He will indeed bring you out!
Your beautiful words and manner in being able to communicate such a sadness, is heaven sent.
Oh, I’m so sorry, how hard. He will bring you out. Thank you for having such faith and for sharing it. God bless you!
Carolyn http://sillyhappysweet.blogspot.com
While haven’t walked this path, I try to minister to many who have. This heart touching post has given me a new perspective. Thanks!
(((hugs))) Praying healing for your tender heart, and that He will make His Name bigger in the lives of those you love because of this road you now walk.
Just wanted to come say that this was a very powerfully written piece, Kim. It really moved me. Your pain and hope both came through crystal clear.
I just got my final papers yesterday, admittedly having a bit of a Peter looking at the storm moment (Matt 14:30). Standing for almost 2 years now. Thank you for writing this, reminded me that I may sink a bit cause this isn’t meant for us to do alone, (it’s “impossible”). –Lifeguard on duty will always give his hand when called and save us from drowning–
Tomorrow’s Journal Title: Crashing Waves (Slapping)