As a girl, I would sit in the pew and imagine it. Flowers and ribbons hung down the rows. Family and friends gathered close. Standing at the altar before God, I would promise forever to the love of my life. And at the ripe age of 8, my heart could hardly stand to wait for it.
But alas, years of waiting and broken hearts would come to pass and the day would finally come when I would walk that aisle. My future father-in-law would officiate the vows and the promise was sealed with a ring that can not be broken. With the release of butterflies, we proclaimed the newness of our life together. Throwing off the old and becoming one-flesh before our most holy God.
When I stood at that altar, I made a vow. A promise to love and cherish until DEATH. A promise for better OR WORSE. In sickness or health. There were no contingencies. No “as long as you don’t…”. Just a promise. Forever. I never said…
I promise to love you as long as it works out for me As long as you don’t gain too much weight or too many stretch marks As long as you don’t spend too much money As long as you make me happy As long as you love me exactly the way I expect you to As long as you can perform to suit my needs As long as it feels good From this day until, well…whenever I just get tired of you.I imagine that if wedding vows included these words, people would have a hard time saying them and actually going through with it. It certainly wouldn’t make for a pretty wall hanging. But the truth is, most of us do go into this journey with some of those thoughts. We plan to protect our own interests. We marry as a result of lustful “feelings” that we call love. We marry for happiness.
And this is where it all goes wrong. Because even the best marriage will never really bring bliss and happiness. This is a lie that we have built our lives on. A lie that dies daily when he forgets to take out the trash or she overspends on that new outfit. It’s a lie that traps us into destruction. Because God says…
Marriage exists to display the merciful covenant-keeping love of Christ and the faithfulness of His bride. ~John Piper, This Momentary Marriage
Marriage exists for the sole purpose of sticking it out. You see, if marriage is the perfect picture of Christ’s love for the church, then the enemy stands to gain greatly by it’s demise. If I refuse to fight for my marriage, he wins. If I buy the lie that it’s about my happiness, he takes down another family. But, if I can recognize that satan attacks Christ by destroying marriages, then it’s no longer about my rights or my feelings. It’s no longer about what he did or what he didn’t do. It’s about the glory due to my God.
Should I fight for my marriage? It’s more than a question, it’s a command. I must stand and fight. Not allowing the enemy to claim one more family. For what God put together, let NO MAN separate.
And if I promised forever, that means today just as much as it meant April 14, 2001. Even IF he… Even if I… For better OR worse. In sickness AND in health. Till death do we part. Will you stand and fight? Because one praying spouse can save a family and one saved family can change a desperate world.
Pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. James 5:16
Want to know how to fight for your marriage? You will find a few thoughts here.
There is also a Facebook group where you can find support.
Kim Sorgius
Kim is just a girl, crazy in love with Jesus. She's a single mother of 4, a passionate homeschooler and life-long student. After teaching 8 years in public school, she traded her M.A. in Early Childhood for sippy cups and homeschool co-ops. Kim is the owner and editor of The Homeschool Village and Not Consumed where she encourages others to rest victoriously in the hands of God, rather than allowing life's difficult circumstances to consume.
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I wish that would have been the case for my family, at the time. Now however, I can see that God can and will work through anything. While divorce is not His will, people have free will. and they make choices that we can do nothing about. Now that I am on the other side, I can see that God most definitely has a plan for me and my children, and that it didn’t include my husband staying.
I will continue to pray for you and your family (hugs).
Gods original plan definately included your husband, but as we do have free will and your husband walked away then God ammends his plan. God would never create a plan that included divorce as divorce is not of him. God works all things together for those who trust Him. I too am divorced and I know God had a plan for me with my first husband and I try not to dislike him too much as I know God still loves him even if he can’t keep it in his pants. but now I am on a different path with a loving, faithful man who also loves God and 9 years, and 3 more children later we are still going strong, but it takes a lot of work and a lot of understanding that God never said we were to be happy but joyful and you can be joyful even in the hard things. you just have to pray, give praise to God, and allow him to lead you through the dark places.
Although it is not God’s plan, sometimes divorce is the only right, and even holy thing to do. For instance, read how that God did divorce his bride, Israel, in Jeremiah 3:6-8 due to Israels adultery
Well, God did hand her a decree of divorce, but then three verses later, pursued her for reconciliation.
God’s heart remains faithful. He never leaves us, even when we are unfaithful to Him. And yes, we are called to the same standard in our marriages.
This (!) : “if I can recognize that satan attacks Christ by destroying marriages, then it’s no longer about my rights or my feelings. It’s no longer about what he did or what he didn’t do. It’s about the glory due to my God.” So so so good.
Thank you for this post. Satan has been trying to destroy my marriage for 26 years. We have separated several times and are separated now due to my husband’s unfaithfulness and addiction to pornography. God has been speaking to my heart and telling me that He wants me to forgive and that He wants to restore. Please pray for us. My husband is unsure because he doesn’t believe that I can love him or forgive him. The enemy is telling him that God doesn’t love him either.
Your posts have been such an encouragement to me and this one came when I asked God for confirmation that this is really what He wants me to do. I feel so crazy for thinking that my marriage can be restored when I was sure it had been permanently destroyed. God is asking me to trust Him not my husband and that is what I am holding onto even through all the pain.
I will be praying for you and your sweet family.
I just had to comment again after reading your comment, Traci. Bless you, sister. God is so tender to speak to us. And I completely agree with Kim — one praying-believing spouse can be the catalyst to save a marriage. Keep on.
Thank you for your prayers, Traci and for sharing your heart! I pray daily for a very long list of marriages under attack. It would be an honor to add yours to the list. (If you feel comfortable, please email me or go to my Facebook page and send me a private message with the first name of your hubby and kids (if any). I’d love to pray for them by name)
I LOVE it when God speaks directly to us. What a blessing! I know it seems crazy, but obedience to God will ALWAYS bring forth blessing. Hang on, fight on your knees, and know that you are covered in prayer!
Traci,
I will pray for your family, for you to see restoration. I believe God can and will rebuild. So much as at stake in whether we truly seek Him and act obediently to Him. My dad was addicted to pornography. It painfully affected everyone in our little family. He needed help, and he was too ashamed to admit his problems to someone who could help, and as his daughter, I was regularly taught by my mom who was taught by her mom that men were just that way. It is right for you to stand against his addiction instead of allowing him to remain in bondage to it. Not only will he be in bondage but you will be and your children too. However, I know a God who is in the business of setting captives free. He also rebuilds city walls.
Sadly my dad passed away before he saw freedom. But I know firsthand that He heals. Just like God granted a vision for Nehemiah to rebuild city walls, trust that God can and will rebuild your marriage, and He is already giving you a vision for that. Hold onto it. Keep sight of it every single time you think, “This will never happen.” In your strength, it will not. In His, I believe!
One last thing, I wish I had been given the opportunity to offer the same grace to my dad that Christ has given me. He loves me for nothing I’ve done, but just because He does. Today, you can give that grace to someone hurting and who you’ve already invested in.
Prayers and virtual hugs,
Jamie
Sweet Traci,
Trust God to walk with you through this! I have been in your shoes and as of now we are three years past all the hurt and grief I was feeling. God is in the business of restoration and will see you both through. I can honestly say that true forgiveness is possible and our gracious God can heal your wounds. I moved in with my parents for three months after I found out about his unfaithfullness. I was sure God would give me an out, but after much prayer He made it clear that I was to fight and forgive.
Now days when I am in a funk and ” try ” to seek those unforgiving feelings for my husband because I may be mad…. they just are not there. God says ” No, that is forgiven.” I can hear him speak it to me. Please hang in there. My husband and I were fortunate to find a church where I live in Dallas, TX that has started a program for helping restore marriages and that helped us so much. Please seek other believers that can help you walk through this without judgement or opinion. I will be praying for you and your husband.
Thank you for sharing that, Elise. Your story is beautiful. I love how transparent you were about the forgiveness process! I would love information about the church you mentioned. Can you send that to me? Always looking for resources for restoration!
The church is Watermark Community Church. Their web address is watermark.org
The ministry is listed as Re-Engage
They wrote the curriculum, but the last I had heard other churches were contacting them to get copies, so I think that may be possible.
It was so helpful and this post reminds me a lot about things that were said in class. With God all things are possible.
Thank you, Elise. It is always encouraging to hear how God has worked in the lives of others. I know other couples who have had their marriages restored and it gives me hope. Thank you especially for the prayers!
my prayers are with…deliver and set free
WOW! Amen! To God be the glory. If only we better understood Love — God’s love, God’s way — because His Love is all about sacrifice, the other first, dying to self, loving as He loves…intimately, deeply, perfectly, without reservation, without end. Bless you for sharing the words of your heart with a waiting, watching world that longs to drink deep and sadly often doesn’t even know it.
Kim, I know God will carry you through-and though I gave up the fight the first time-I did now when God brought my husband back. Happily ever after us a tale-living and putting God first and keeping out God-ordained covenant-that is true eternity! Love you dearly sweet friend and I’m fighting with you-through prayer and fellowship!
Girl, I love your story and I’m honored to call you friend. Thank you for blessing me with your prayers and fellowship. :-)
Hello
Found your blog thru Women Living Well. I haven’t taken time to read other posts, but felt compelled to comment anyways. I wanted to tell you about a website that has helped me thru a trial that sounds similar to where you are..www.rejoicemarriageministries.com I will add you to my prayer list and would appreciate prayers for my family if you think of us during your prayer time 
Other things that have carried me thru our separation are thinking of my husband the way Christ thinks of him. And telling myself I will not wake up and tell my children this is the day I give up on our Ever-Faithful Lord to change my husbands heart & our situation. It is well! Lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge HIM and HE will direct thy paths. Blessings.
Oh girl, Charlene and I are good friends. Ok, not really personal friends. But her emails talk to me everyday! :-)
Thank you for stopping by and sharing. I’d love to connect with you so we can pray for each other. Will you look me up on Facebook?
Julie, thank you for your words. I have been praying, searching, reading, changing churches trying to find something to help me, something to convince me and I think I found it in your words. ” I will not wake up and tell my children this is the day I give up on our Ever-Faithful Lord to change my husbands heart & our situation. ” How can I raise believers if I don’t continue to believe. Thank you Julie, so much!
I love this post.
Thank you so much for this article. I hate my marriage and life in general these days. When, I think of the next 50 years, I just hope that God will call one of us home before then. It is a lonely life of service, children and drudgery. Reading your article and comments reminds me that this is just part of my Christian penance that God will reward someday if I just stick it out.
Andre,
I am in your shoes right now – the same exact situation. I have prayed tonight for one of us to just go away. I have no advice – just wanted to comment that I am feeling your pain.
Glenda
Pray this over both of you!… I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. Ez 36:26
I put this verse below, but I want you to see it too. Pray this over your home, you, the hubby. God is faithful to do it!. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. Ex 36:26
Marriage should not be “Christian penance” The marriage relationship is a pcture of the love relationship God has with us.Jesus said that he came that we would have life and have it more abundantly. The joy of the Lord is our strength.Spend time in His Word and in His presence that you can find that joy in Him. He is the only one who can fill us with a joy that can not be lost. Time in His presence is a time of healing and restoration. Seek Gods heart for you, how you can be a vessel of His love to others. How can you be His hands, His feet, His mouthpiece to those that come across your path. It will always be an adventure. You need to be challenged. What is the passion of your heart? God has put that passion there. The Word says He gives us the desires of our heart. Your post sounds like you are bored and frustrated. Step out and get involved with church groups, ministry, volunteering.Even psychologists recommend volunteering for a way to battle depression and to help someone recuperate from trauma. Being married and having children does not mean your life stops, but it should be the beginning of a great adventure, but that is up to how you see it and what you put into it. I have 7 children, 5 grandchildren, 2 step grand children, one more on the way. I was in a marriage that was destroying us due to abuse and after 19 years finally let it go, realizing God had not called us to be abused and he was not going to change. It was getting worse. Everyone I knew came against us, some even believing his lies because I never let on what was going on and he never showed that side to others. It was hard. I bent over backwards to be the best mother I could be, to bless him regardless of how he treated us. I second guessed God’s releasing us, not wanting to get out because it was what I wanted alone. But we were dying emotionally, spiritually… We had to forgive, he was acting out of his own hurts, but we could not allow him to continue to hurt us. The church should be calling these men to account, but often they put the burden on the wife and children. There is no reason for him to change He is getting exactly what he wants. I was willing to be alone forever if that is what had to be, but I am blessed to now be married to a man who loves God, is a worshipper… the difference is so incredible. Pray, talk to your husband. If there is not abuse, just boredom it does not have to be that way.
I can’t say that I would call it a “christian penance” but I will say this….ALL marriages are tough. All marriages have really big problems at one time or another. Leaving this marriage won’t solve that. But the promise is that when everything falls apart, we will be HELD. Not relieved of the difficulty, but HELD. And your attitude in the hard things can make or break you. I totally believe that you are in a tough situation. But don’t focus on getting through 50 years, focus on today. Love him. That’s your part. His part is between him and God. If you are in physical danger, get professional help. If not, let God fill the empty spaces and love your husband out of the OVERFLOW of God’s love in you.
God specializes in the impossible. He rebuilds what is ruined. His promises will never fail. And YES, you will be rewarded for doing the hard thing and not giving up.
I’m not there now, but I have been in the past–multiple times. It’s so hard. Obviously, I don’t know your circumstances or how your husband feels, but I can offer what has helped me in my marriage:
Try to find a way to touch each other kindly. A hug, a pat on the hand–anything. Touch is so powerful in healing strained relationships. Sometimes the anger and loneliness and resentment we feel is just a way to try to convince ourselves that we don’t want to be touched when we desperately need it.
You and your family are in my prayers, and I hope that you and your husband are able to work it out.
About 4 years ago my husband and I hit a rough spot. We’d been married 5 years. I wanted out. I was tired of not having my needs met and not being appreciated. I could see the grass was greener (or so I thought).
Luckily, I listened to the Lord (because as someone below said, divorce isn’t His will but we have free will).
I cannot tell you the hours I prayed on my knees, over our marriage bed, around our home (inside and out).
I wanted him to begin to live a godly life and I wanted our marriage restored.
The Lord worked on my heart, and his and changed us both. In the past three years, after giving God my marriage and my husband and totally letting go of it all I have seen the restoration of our marriage, the birth of our son, my husband give his life to the Lord and he also quit drinking.
Anything is possible with God.
Blessings!
Danielle,
Thanks you for sharing your story! HE is so able to do the impossible and HE loves to! I also appreciate that you pointed out that God changes BOTH people. There is something great to be had of this hard thing, if we just let God work in us. Praying for you, friend.
You are absolutely spot on correct!
Wow, this is good!!!!
Excellent word. Marriage is a Holy Covenant not just an earthly contract. Some times marriage is better and some times it’s worse. We often say for better or for worse, we should say “forever”. My wife and I have been marriage for 39 years. It is the marriages that weather the storms that exist to enjoy calms seas later in life.
Thanks for the insights…..:)
Bishop Gabriel
I dont think I can do anything anymore to save my marriage. I have been married 13 years and in the first 2 I was unfaithful. I would talk to women online (my wife did but she said only to make me jealous) and say inappropriate things. I didnt treat her the best all the time..esp when she put on some weight. I did love her though I know I did the thought of not being with her I couldnt see. In 2007 I talked to an old female friend at a new job and things led to more than they should of. I had an emotional relationship with a friend at a job in 2006 but seemed like I was just telling her stuff she needed or wanted to hear. I enjoyed the friendship but it seemed to just take off to a different level and I didnt know how to get out of that part. I soon joined the military and when we came to visit I messed with that same emotional friend (yes shame on me). My wife had always wanted another baby and I finally gave in. I wanted to make her happy. However happiness was short lived. In 2010 while I was in Iraq my wife and the friend had a phone call and she told my wife EVERYTHING I have have confided in her or said…give it now she was 8 months pregnant and alone. Her neighbor whom we thought was such a friend..abandoned her…she was devestated and had no one….move forward 6-7 months later and she met a guy friend whom was in same situation. Whom she could talk to…and whom she eventually became emotionally attached to as well. We went to counseling for 7 months and I didnt know until the 4th month that she had been cheating on me the whole time (she seperated from me shortly after I got back from Iraq and moved in the the guys house whom (wasnt suppose to be there) with the kids. After finding out she was sorry and I thought all was done and he left for Afghanistan. She was still talking to him telling him I love you giving him phone kisses mailing him packages….This was beginning of the year…hurt a lot but I guess thats Karma for you. Now being back home now and out of the military we are seperated again. She dont feel for me she dont care like I care for her and dont love me the way I love her. She never let her friend go and wont let the past go..I know she is scarred and I know I was bad…I became a diff person when I got back from Iraq and she became stronger and a partial me back in the days. She is only happy now when we are appart. It really hurts now yet I still fight and fight to try to get her back…to ask her to put down her guard to let me in again and give our marriage a chance. I could of wrote a 5 page comment on here about the entirety of the situation but this is a shortend version…..
Christopher,
I know a lot of people in your situation. And I know of many restored marriages in this situation. You are right, there is likely nothing that you can do. But God, on the other hand has no limitations. Pray for your marriage! Repent of your sin and get right with God. Pray more for your marriage. God is able to do beyond what you can think or imagine in your marriage. (Eph 3:20) Praying for you!
Thank you for speaking these truths. I’m a huge proponent of marriage, and I love that people are getting the truth out there. We have so many marriage struggling in our small group. Definitely need to fight for God’s will in marriage and commitment.
Amen! Thanks for this reminder.
I loved this post! What a wonderful call to action for all married couples and singles as well before they commit!
Hard words shared here, Christ’s love for us provides the ultimate model for marriage. He not only fights for us, but He forgives again and again– thank you for linking up today!
It’s about the glory due to my God… love this reminder! Such a wonderful post. Marriage is certainly not easy all the time, but such a gift and worth standing and fighting for! Happy to find you from Always Alleluia link up!
Thank you for your realness and adherence to Gods calling in our marriages. My husband and I were separated over 4 years ago for a year and a half, and actually divorced. But because of Gods faithfulness to our prayers and the many prayers from family and friends we remarried each other nearly a month after our divorce finalized. Fight for your marriages! When I lost my fight my husband was fighting, and when he lost his hope in us I somehow saw a light of hope. All Gods work!!!
I love hearing stories of God’s faithfulness . Thank you for sharing.
Love this. Didn’t catch it the first time around. Sharing it with our readers.
Kim, your post brings tears to my eyes and so, so much joy to my heart. I was led to your Facebook group for single homeschoolers after a fellow mama posted the link on a yahoo group I’m a member of. When I came to your blog and clicked your “about” page, all I knew of you is that you’re a single, homeschooling mom of 4. To find out that you, like me, are standing for the restoration of your marriage just let’s me know that I was led here for a reason. I want you to know that as I pray for my husband and marriage, I’ll be praying for you and yours. Also? I love how transparent you are in this post (the first I’ve read on your blog!); I’m still learning how to be that way in my own life. God bless you and your family!
I am a divorced mother of 4 boys. I came upon this article thru the Single Homeschooling Moms facebook page. I do agree with what you’ve had spoken here. Even though I was the one that finally filed for the divorce. But I do long to get to the place of forgiveness so that I can pray for my husband and for restoration, if not in our marriage, then at least between him and his sons. He was a preacher for many years and we traveled in evangelism. I loved being in the ministry and watching God work in lives. I did not go into marriage with “rose-colored’ glasses, so to speak. i knew there would be hard days and hurtful words and disappointments; after all we are both human. But I didn’t think I would have to deal with these things alone. Although we have been divorced almost 2 years, I feel as though I’ve been a single mom for many more than that. But I did get used to that and accepted that as a way of life. But when the pornography and affairs started, I couldn’t go on living that way. I love my husband. I still cry myself to sleep many nights over what has happened. But my boys were losing their mom and they had already lost their dad. I had to do this to cope and raise my boys. Was I wrong? I have been told many times that I should not have confronted and tried to deal with his addiction and affairs. That I should just be the wife God intended me to be and eventually he would come around and repent and everything would be fine. Was I a perfect wife? No and I don’t anyone and claim rights to that. But God knows that I did try. And I am at peace with with confronting him. Please add my family to your prayer list. I know God’s will is best and I know God’s will is for families to be together. I want to reach the place where I am ready for restoration when my husband does get things right. Thank you for posting!
Hi Helen,
First, I am praying for your sweet family. I know the pain is tough, even 2 years later. As far as whether or not you did the wrong thing, I think you need to ask God. In my opinion, the Bible says that divorce is not an option. Sadly, the church today doesn’t know this truth. But, you seem to know now. So what can you do? Ask God to forgive you and pray for restoration. I know so many people in your shoes. I’ve read about many restorations even after a wife was fed up with the adultery and filed for a divorce. Trust God with that part!
As far as the confrontation part goes…I agree that it is the duty of a wife to respect and submit to her husband. It is also true that an unbelieving husband will be won over by his wife’s quiet and gentle spirit. But I don’t think that means that you ignore adultery. There must be healthy boundaries put in place. Most likely by a counselor or pastor who can help. As with everything we do, we should take it to God in prayer. He will guide you as to how to approach an issue with your spouse. Perhaps throwing a rock through his computer is a bad idea, but ignoring it is likely also a bad idea.
All of this to say, maybe you did some things right, maybe you did some things wrong. What matters most is now. You can still fight for your marriage. You can repent of any sin that God reveals to you and you can ask your husband for forgiveness if needed. The rest is in God’s hands. One praying spouse can change things, even if the papers were signed!
Hi,
I came across your site when I googled, “should I fight for my marriage”. You see, my wife and I have been married almost 20 years and we have two wondeful children. However, we have been separated for almost 2 years now. During our marriage, I had several affairs which led me to say and do things that disrespected her in the worst ways, including even telling her that I was in love with another woman at one time. I was so blinded and lost that the only thing that mattered to me was my own selfish desires. She fought for years but I was just too far gone and shortly after our daughter graduated high school, my wife left…BUT GOD.
We both grew up in the church but obviously weren’t living God’s way but His Word has always been present. Just before she left, God touched my heart so profoundly and put a love so deep in my heart for her that I commited to love her and her alone for the rest of my life but she said, “Too little, too late.” These past two years have been pure hell. She moved only 20 miles away but we have very little contact and that is usually about our son, who is with me. She has my phone blocked from her apartment because she said I called too much. I have never been inside or is even allowed inside her apartment and I don’t even know her cell number. When we first separated, we talked and even went on a couple of dates but she said that I didn’t allow her time and space and she has pulled farther away from me. Now she constantly tell me things like, “I don’t love or even like you”, “I don’t want you or this marriage or any kind of relationship with you”, “You need to get it in your head that I’m done and I’m never coming back” and the most painful one of all, “We should have never gotten married.” All these were said as recently as New Years Day and at that point I wanted to simply die. I asked if there was another person, she said, “No, I just don’t want you!” During these past two years, I have been standing, praying and fighting; I have read countless Christian books on how to restore our marriage (of course the Bible is the main one) and have read as much information as I can find from sites like RMM, Marriage Missions, Spirit of Hosea, etc. I was convinced that God wants me to stand for my marriage but she is so cold and distant and even said that she is on the verge of hating me. I question if my stand for marriage restoration is really what I’m suppose to be doing or is this another case of me fooling myself into believing my our selfish desires. I pray for wisdom and direction. I know that God touches hearts because I know He touched mine and that He hates divorce as stated in Malachi, but there is still that free will issue and let’s be real, I did commit adultery (the escape clause as it is called).
What I do know is that I love my wife with all that is within me and want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life honoring her and showing her this agape love that I have for her. I just don’t know what to do anymore.
Sorry so lengthy. A lot of pain but so much more love.
There’s no question with me, as I have been and will continue to be fighting for my marriage. I clicked on the link in hopes of reading something such as you wrote, because I know that there are many people that need to hear that….many people that have given up and many others that are about to. Thank you for sharing this beautiful post. I hope that more and more people will begin to realize the truth behind it and choose to fight as well. I am sick of seeing the enemy tear apart…yet I know that no matter how broken, God can restore.
He left……..5 years ago after 9years of marriage. I FOUGHT for our marriage, he ran to drugs, sex, crime. My wonderful loving Christian husband. I finally out of necessity (he was bouncing checks etc) divorced him so I could protect myself. He didn’t even show up to court. I called him when it was through and he begged me not to cry. I later rec’d a text “you are the most beautiful wonderful person I will love you always no matter what happens”. It still tears my heart out 3 months post divorce his mistress bore his son. They still live together in a tumultuous relationship and everyone tells me to move on. He violated our marriage bed and God has released me, but I cannot forget the vow I took. We still have limited communication through facebook, and his family has been wonderful. I made a lot of mistakes as well post divorce and concieved a child I am now raising alone. I feel widowed because the man I spent 9 wonderful years with disappeared. Yet I cannot seem to let go??? How do you know? I feel guilty even praying that he find his way back to me because I feel I would be homewrecking??? Any advice