This post is part of a 12-week journey through the lies that keep me eating. Please click below to read the other posts in the series or subscribe by email to receive next week’s update straight in your email inbox.
For the sake of his great name the Lord will not reject his people, because the Lord was pleased to make you his own. 1 Samuel 12:22
He told me that he wouldn’t leave me if I could just be 115 lbs. It was in that moment that everything I’ve ever believed about myself became true. I was simply not lovable. It wasn’t about my heart, my intelligence or my ability to be a mom. I was simply too fat to be loved and there was nothing else in me that would trump that. All he could see was a tired, worn-out and overweight body.
Over the years, this excrutiating moment has driven me to lose nearly 65 lbs in 4 months…just to hold onto the possibility of love. It motivated me to a crazy level of near anoerexia when I got to that totally desperate point. No, I was never super skinny, but I went nearly 9 months without eating much of anything. As it turns out, that didn’t work either. The love that I NEEDED so desperately was completely unavailable and the number on the scale really didn’t matter.
To be honest, I’m not sure if I’ve ever in my life felt loved. The cry for love fills the pages of journals written yesterday as much as those written 20 years ago. Perhaps I choose people who are incapable of giving true love to another. Looking at my track record would support that theory. But it’s irrelevant. The problem with their failure to love isn’t about me, it’s about them.
More importantly, the problem with me is the filling of a deep desire to be loved with a person who will never be enough. God designed it that way. Even if they had loved the way they should have, the hole could never be filled by anything other than a precious Savior. One who demands full rights to my heart.
All of my life I have longed to find a person who wouldn’t judge me for what I put in my mouth as much as what I put in my heart. And HE has been right here from the start. I don’t have to eat less to please him. I don’t have to eat more in fear that he will leave. His love for me is scandalous. He is pleased with me at 115 lbs and at 175 lbs.
For the sake of his great name the Lord will not reject his people, because the Lord was pleased to make you his own. 1 Samuel 12:22
I’m not suggesting that God wants me to throw out the carrot sticks and load up the pancakes and pies. The Bible is pretty clear that he isn’t a fan of gluttony. The Bible is also pretty clear about His love for me. Regardless. And if I receive His love I will be motivated to a healthier me. Not in order to be loved, BECAUSE I AM LOVED.
Action Points:
- Leave a comment and describe one PHYSICAL feature that God made beautiful in you. (I mean it- don’t skip this!) Pray for the person who left a comment before you! If you are first, would you pray for me?
- Celebrate because we are half-way through! Don’t eat a whole cake through. Get a pedicure or buy a new top.
- Print the verse below and hang it on the wall over your scale or on your bathroom mirror.
- Don’t forget to browse my pinterest boards. I pin new recipes all the time!
Download a large printable copy of this verse here.
Looking for other ideas? This series is part of a Get healthy & Fit Series hosted by 19 bloggers. You will find fitness tips, ideas, and various eat plans. Click below to see what everyone else is up to!
Kim Sorgius
Kim is just a girl, crazy in love with Jesus. She's a single mother of 4, a passionate homeschooler and life-long student. After teaching 8 years in public school, she traded her M.A. in Early Childhood for sippy cups and homeschool co-ops. Kim is the owner and editor of The Homeschool Village and Not Consumed where she encourages others to rest victoriously in the hands of God, rather than allowing life's difficult circumstances to consume.
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Wow – this hit me hard this morning!! I keep thinking I can’t be loved at this weight but the reality is I’m the one who can’t love me at this weight
I feel like I’ve accepted that as my reality. I don’t want to be fat! I want to be in a relationship but my relationship with God is most important to me and I am grateful that He loves me no matter what!! It touched my heart that you asked for prayers for those of us struggling with this! It matters!!
Father God – please bless our efforts! Show us love and help us to see that YOU are LOVE!! Hold Kim in the palm of Your hand today – give her the knowledge that You LOVE her EVEN if she can’t feel it! Praise You for the many blessings (especially those four beautiful babies!!). Amen!
Wow, I have been following this for awhile and hadnt stopped to read one because of being busy. I am so glad I did and will make it a point to crom now on. I have been SUPER skinny in fact too skinny because i thought if i was big no one would love me. I too have felt unloved my entire life and still struggle with this. I have 3 beautuful children and love them so whole heartedly and try to remember that God is my daddy and he loves me more than i can even fathom wether k am 150 lbs or 95lbs. He wants me healthy and wants me to raise my girls to have a strong sense of who they r and know they r beautiful just the way they r.
I beleive i have been blessed with nice legs… Thank you God.
Our
sorry hit the wrong button…
Our Most Gracious Heavenly father, Please wrap ur loving arms around Elizabeth, keep a hedge of protection around her and protect her from any negative thoughts she .might have about her body remind her she is a child of God and u dont make mistakes… love u Lord Amen
“His love for us is scandalous…” I loved that!
Okay as for one physical feature that I think God made beautiful in me, my smile. He gave me great teeth and lips!
Kim, I have truly enjoyed this series more than all the others simply because you are real and you really love Jesus. You bring Him into this struggle with our bodies, instead of compartmentalizing and focusing on something “more spiritual” than losing weight. Losing weight is very much about the spiritual as much as it is about the physical (and as you have demonstrated today, probably more than we realize our struggle is a spiritual one). Thank you for your transparency and truthfulness.
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Father God, I pray for Yvette that she would continue to find her worth in You and what You think of her. Thank You that she doesn’t allow the lies of society to creep in and steal the truth of Your love for her. Bless her as she continues on this journey to healthiness and wholeness. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
Oops, not sure how I got ahead of Yvette in my comments! Sorry!
Kimberly, I love your comment…..”Not in order to be loved, BECAUSE I AM LOVED.” And, I so agree! The more I press in to learn about Our Heavenly Father’s unconditional love for us, the more I desire to purify myself: spirit, soul, and BODY. THIS TIME, adding faith to my fitness plan is making ALL the difference for me. My spiritual fitness does affect my physical fitness.
Thank you for this. It hits a spot in me that is still painful many years later, but in a good “tear the bandage off” sort of way. If that makes sense.
“From that moment, I spiraled into overeating. The thought went something like this… “I don’t ever again want someone to love me because of the number on the scale. So if I am fat, I will know that their love is genuine.” And so I ate…”
You have so eloquently put something that has just come to the forefront of my consciousness very recently but until now I was never able to find the words to express it and I find myself coming back to reread it time and time again.
After spending 10 years of my life trying to convice a man who I loved more than anything…including myself…that I was loveable despite my weight and doing everything possible to lose enough for him to see it was true; including not eating for days, becoming addicted to diet pills and worse….I finally walked away from the fight a little over 4 years ago. And then proceeded to gain over 200lbs to keep every other man away from me so I would never have to go through a similar situation again…because at least this time their love would be real, right?
I am slowly starting to lose the weight (75lbs so far) and exploring things I never thought possible…hiking, running, fully living…and it is wonderful and terrifying all at once. But there is that all familar panic everytime a man notices my new figure or shows an interest, directly followed by a binge. It’s been a continual process of losing 10 lbs, freaking out and gaining 5, repeat. But God is faithful and He is slowly showing me the truth and exposing the lies. Thank you for this blog and your honesty. It is one more stop on the road to the full restoration of my mind, body and soul.
1a. I love the eyes and lips that God has given me. They aren’t anything “movie star-ish” but they make me happy.
1b. Dear Father, I pray for Kate. I know as it is also hard for me to accept that you will help her accept that she is ALREADY loved unconditionally! You love her more than any person this side of Heaven or that. I thank you for helping through these hard times and for allowing her to see through the lies this world has told her. I pray that you will give her the peace that comes from being in your will no matter how hard things get. In Jesus holy and precious name, I pray, AMEN
2. In celebration: will take either just myself or my son and I on a hike in the woods
3. Going to write the verse, not print it, b/c that way it is in my own handwriting and it uses another “sense” to reaffirm that in my own mind!
Jessy Whited recently posted…"Not Someday… Today"
Appreciate your honesty and sharing what most of us think but never voice. Prayers for all of us to get revelation that leads to conversion in how we receive God’s love, love Him in return and love ourselves. Be blessed.