• ABOUT
  • STORE
  • PRINTABLES
  • SPEAKING
  • BLOG
    • Email
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest
    • YouTube

Not Consumed

Spiritual Growth » 7 Things Parents Should Never Assume About Their Kids’ Faith

7 Things Parents Should Never Assume About Their Kids’ Faith

February 26 By Kim Sorgius 3 Comments

26 Feb
7 things parents should never assume about their kids' faith

Our kids’ faith is something we take very seriously as parents. Let’s take a look at 7 assumptions we should stop making and practical fixes.

Life is full of assumptions.

We assume the chair will hold us when we sit down.

We assume the lights will illuminate the room when we flip the switch.

We assume the other car won’t cross the yellow line.

Some assumptions are neutral and have limited impact on us when they fail, like when the light just doesn’t turn on.

7 things parents should never assume about their kids' faith

But much of the time, assumptions get us into trouble. I think we can all agree that assuming a car won’t cross that yellow line is downright dangerous. We need to be alert and ready, almost assuming the worst when it comes to driving.

Likewise, assumptions about our children’s faith are just as dangerous. They are literally LIFE-THREATENING! Making these assumptions could cost our children their eternal life.

Yes, I know that sounds extreme, but it’s true. As parents, we take the salvation of our kids very seriously, and yet we also make some HUGE and very DANGEROUS assumptions.

Let’s take a look at 7 assumptions we should stop making and practical ways to combat them.

Table of Contents

  • 1. Don’t assume your kids believe what you believe.
  • 2. Don’t assume your kids are saved.
  • 3. Don’t assume your kids understand just because they don’t ask questions.
  • 4. Don’t assume your kids understand WHY.
  • 5. Don’t assume your kids have the foundation they need to stand strong.
  • 6. Don’t assume your kids know how to pick a church.
  • 7. Don’t assume your words will be enough.

1. Don’t assume your kids believe what you believe.

I truly hope this one goes without saying, but we should start at the beginning. NEVER assume your kids believe what you believe. When a kid grows up in church and behaves somewhat compliant (or even perfectly compliant) to the rules, we often ASSUME they believe what we believe.

Sadly, we assume this without even talking about many of the issues. We assume they have heard it all and learned it all from years of preaching and teaching.

don't assume your kids believe what you believe

And that may be true. They may have heard it. But hearing and believing are NOT the same thing. Ask the Israelites. They had this problem in a huge way. The Bible is full of chapters where they turned away from God because they simply didn’t believe in Him.

EVERY man, woman, and child must profess Christ as Savior. And they must make this choice of their own accord. Joshua reminds us of this in his epic (and rather well-known) speech.

…Choose this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your fathers served in the region beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell. Joshua 24:15

2. Don’t assume your kids are saved.

This one goes along with our first one, but even deeper. Just because your 5-year-old prayed “the sinner’s prayer” doesn’t mean he/she is saved. I know that ruffles some feathers, but hear me out.

Have you ever met a person, maybe even a pastor, who talked the talk, but turned out to be living a big fat lie? I’m sure you have because it literally happens all the time.

We should NEVER assume that outward behavior is a reflection of heart belief. People do things with WRONG motives just as often as they do them with right motives. And the biggest lie is thinking that doing the right things on the outside is a clear indication that someone is “saved.”

I think the Pharisees fell into this trap. They had grown up in the faith. They knew (and kept) the rules/traditions. And yet they were hopelessly lost.

“It is the relationship to Christ that saves, not the prayer that signifies the beginning of the relationship.” J.D. Greear, Stop Asking Jesus Into Your Heart

faith is a present tense verb

Faith is a present tense verb. It’s not an event or a ceremony. This means as parents, we shouldn’t be resting in hearing our kids pray a prayer. Instead, we need to daily be encouraging and equipping them to continue growing in relationship with Christ.

That’s the sanctification part of being a Christian. We daily take up our cross and follow Jesus, little by little breaking those bad habits and fighting the temptation to sin.

As a parent, you are on this journey too. Don’t expect perfection out of your kids unless you want God to expect perfection out of you. Instead, keep teaching and talking in literally EVERY moment you can (Deuteronomy 6:6-7).

3. Don’t assume your kids understand just because they don’t ask questions.

The one thing I hate the most about modern education is its continual push to standardize all people. People are not standard. God made each of us unique, which means our personalities are as different as our fingerprints!

Some kids ask a LOT of questions. Some stuff it all inside and wonder. Some find the answers outside of what they are being taught at home. And yes, some do all three of these!

don't assume your kids understand just because they don't ask questions

When you have conversations with your kids, give them time to ask questions. Bring it up again later and ask them if they have questions.

If you want to know if your children are “getting it,” try these:

  • Have them tell YOU what they believe about something.
  • Have them define a difficult term or concept of faith.
  • Give them the chance to defend their position (regardless of whether or not you agree with it).

It’s amazing what you will learn about your kids if you take the time to do those three simple things.

4. Don’t assume your kids understand WHY.

This is probably the one I think most Christian parents are guilty of. I sure have been–multiple times. (One big one was that time when I totally forgot to tell my kids God’s design for marriage.)

We get tired of the “whys” and constant questions our kids throw at us. We see “why” as an attack on our authority–and sometimes it is! But much of the time, it’s a desire to understand.

All humans have this desire. If we can understand WHY something is happening or WHY someone chose a particular option, we will often see the situation completely differently.

So ignore those parenting “experts” who told you that you don’t owe your kids an explanation. You do! Not because they need it in order to agree to obey; because they need it in order to get behind the rules and take ownership of them when no one is looking.

This deep need to understand why has been a big part of my own spiritual growth. Make it the foundation for your kids too. Ownership comes from understanding. NOT from mandates.

don't assume your kids understand why

Here are some of the WHYS your kids need to talk about:

  • What do we believe about creation/evolution?
  • What do we believe about purity and modesty?
  • Why do we use media filters and/or set limitations?
  • Why should we pick a godly spouse?
  • What is the Christian response to social injustice?
  • Why is abortion wrong?
  • Why do we have a curfew?
  • Why are drinking and drugs taboo?

That might seem like a long list, but it’s just the tiniest tip of the iceberg! There are so many things our kids need to know. Remember, we aren’t training little robots who obey with no thought. We want kids who believe rules are vital to their safety and DESIRE to obey them!

If you would like help talking about some of these BIG WHYS that we often forget, check out this Bible study: Foundations of Faith. It’s designed to do exactly that!

Foundations Family bundle

5. Don’t assume your kids have the foundation they need to stand strong.

When I was a kid, there were many people in our town who stood on the street corners with signs claiming that Jesus was coming back very soon. Many predicted the year 2000.

Since it’s 2021, I’d say those people were off just a bit. Actually, the Bible makes it clear that NO ONE can predict when Jesus will come back. But one thing we do know–that time is near.

don't assume your kids have the foundation they need to stand strong

Seems like such an oxymoron. We don’t know when, but we know it’s near? What does near mean?

I have no idea. Thankfully, it doesn’t really matter. God is in control of all of that and He hasn’t asked me to figure out the timing. But He did ask me (and you) to do something while we wait: prepare!

He told us that we will be persecuted. He told us Christians would suffer. He told us to spend our days sharing the gospel.

So whether it’s 5 minutes or 500 more years, we know one thing for sure as parents: We have the job of preparing our kids to stand strong in the faith.

I think 2020 and all of its crazy politics, pandemics, and other disasters should serve as a stern warning to us as Christians that the TIME IS NOW! We’ve got to prepare our kids to stand firm in the faith. We’ve got to give them a 3-layer foundation:

  • WHAT I believe (God’s truths)
  • WHY I believe (God’s promises)
  • HOW it matters (What it looks like in my life)
three layer foundation

As the old song goes, the only way to withstand the floods and storms of life is to build your house on the ROCK (Matthew 7:24-27)! This 3-layer foundation is the only way our kids will be able to fight the ever-present false teaching that fills our culture and the wicked agenda of our enemy that seeks to destroy them.

No other foundation will be enough.

6. Don’t assume your kids know how to pick a church.

I had to throw this one in here because it was the single most significant factor that led to my own journey of walking away from the church as a teen. I had every intention of going to church in college, but the college chapel wasn’t quite what I was used to and my roommate wasn’t interested in church.

I think we went to a few area churches, but it ended quickly. I spent those 4 years living my best not-so-Christian-girl life and didn’t get back to church until I was in my mid 20’s.

don't assume your kids know how to pick a church

Oh how I wish someone had sat down with me and said, “Hey, here is how you pick a church and here is how you get plugged in.”

I beg you not to miss this conversation with your kids.

Because of COVID, there were many people who left our church. Some went to smaller churches that were open. Some went to churches that had a more relaxed policy of social distancing. It was a royal mess. And honestly, I’m sure many churches went through that.

My youngest son lost all of his friends to other churches. As sad as that was, it gave us an excellent chance to talk about WHY we choose one church over another, what the important things about church really are, and how to support your church with involvement.

“Here’s another alarming statistic: only 20 percent of college students who leave the faith planned to do so during high school. The remaining 80 percent intended to stick with their faith but didn’t.” Kara E. Powell, Sticky Faith: Everyday Ideas to Build Lasting Faith in Your Kids

We’ve made this one of ten key topics in our family study called Foundations of Faith.

FOF church

7. Don’t assume your words will be enough.

I saved this one for last because it’s perhaps the hardest one for us parents to swallow. Perhaps you read the other points in the post and thought to yourself, “Yes, teach…talk…this is my most important job.”

Well, I hate to be the one to burst that bubble, but extensive research indicates otherwise.

“How you express and live out your faith may have a greater impact on your son or daughter than anything else.” Kara E. Powell, Sticky Faith: Everyday Ideas to Build Lasting Faith in Your Kids

This isn’t to say that teaching and talking are useless! Quite the contrary. The Bible makes it clear that it’s our job.

And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. Deuteronomy 6:6-9

Read over this passage again. Do you really think it’s only about talking? I would challenge you to think deeper. Yes, we should totally talk about God as much as humanly possible. But at the same time, we should be living out the things we are talking about.

don't assume your words are enough

That’s what this verse really means. It’s talking about integrating your faith so deeply into every facet of your life that the two are unable to be pulled apart.

When we tell our kids that obedience is how they love God, we had better be obeying Him ourselves.

When we tell them to love and read the Bible, we had better be getting up early to spend time in it too.

Remember earlier in this post when we said FAITH is a present tense verb? It’s something we live out. It’s not just a lecture we bestow upon our kids.

Kids are watching every move we make and it’s shaping what they believe about God.

Now that doesn’t mean we have to be perfect! In fact, if we try and look perfect, that will do more damage than anything else. We need to be real about our struggles, failures, and inabilities. We need to help our kids see repentance, forgiveness, and grace.

give kids grace

“Your children need God’s law, but you cannot ask the law to do what only grace can accomplish.” Paul David Tripp, Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family

By the way, if you haven’t read the book that I quoted above or you struggle to understand how the Gospel fits into parenting, I strongly urge you to read it. It’s the BEST PARENTING BOOK I’ve ever read. It will change you and your entire family.

Final thoughts about faith and kids

Raising children is the BIGGEST, most important job you’ll ever have. I pray that you would never be found guilty of slacking off, but I want you to REST in this truth —>God always equips those He calls.

You will fail. You won’t be strong enough. But that’s perfectly fine because God gives you the strength, the wisdom, and the tools you need to parent. You simply need to ask for them in faith!

This post is chock-full of ideas and resources, but I realize that sometimes it doesn’t feel like enough. I would highly encourage you to be intentional about discussing these things as a family. That’s why I wrote Foundations of Faith.

In the study, you’ll lay a foundation for your faith, straight from the Bible, reviewing topics like salvation, discernment, and godly living. Next up, you’ll dig in and discuss 10 crucial topics as a family.

I’ll give you a list of Bible verses, questions to ponder, and resources for further study. YOU SUPPLY the statement of faith as you record your thoughts and ideas together as a family. Get started today!

Foundations Family bundle
kim sorgius
Kim Sorgius

Through practical tools & Bible-based resources, Kim Sorgius is dedicated to helping your family GROW in faith so you can be Not Consumed by life’s struggles. Author of popular kid’s devotional Bible studies and practical homeschooling tools, Kim has a master’s degree in education and curriculum design coupled with over 2 decades of experience working with kids and teens. Above all, her most treasured job is mother and homeschool teacher of four amazing kiddos.

Comments

  1. Nikki Mulligan says

    March 4 at 8:46 am

    Is this available in a study guide? If not, it would be a wonderful book to have!! Thank you for all that you do, we love the Do Right Bible study!

    Reply
    • Suzanne says

      March 4 at 12:11 pm

      The Foundations of Faith study referenced in the post is all about what we believe and why.
      Suzanne@NotConsumed

      Reply
  2. Robin says

    March 7 at 11:41 pm

    My family loves the Foundations of Faith study. It’s been one of the best, most valuable things our family has ever done together. THANK YOU for sharing this tool!

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Reader Favorites

Want help cultivating sibling relationships? Check out these resources. Helping kids develop devotional habits Want some help planning your homeschool year? Want to learn how to blog?

Some of our Favorite Printables

  • Contact Us
  • Privacy Policy
  • Disclaimer Policy
  • Terms of Service

Here’s What Others Are Saying about Not Consumed

profile-pic
Brittany, mom of 2

Like Being With a Girlfriend

Thanks for sharing a piece of your family. Your blog is, honestly, the only one I have ever subscribed to. I feel like I'm on the phone with a girlfriend every time I read your words. I love it! I often find myself spending hours clicking from one post to the next telling myself, "okay, one more and then go to bed!" It's all just so helpful!

profile-pic
Cathy, homeschool mom of 2

Bible Studies are Incredible!

I just ordered and am in the process of printing out so many of your amazing resources and I can't wait to get started! Your bible studies are incredible and so thoughtful, your planner is wonderfully laid out and your breakfast and lunch stations will save me so much time!! I don't know how you do it all, but I'm thankful you do!

profile-pic
Laura, homeschooling mom of 6

Love everything you do!

As far as the other things, I LOVE my brothers keeper and we've done it twice over the past year or two. I recommend it all the time on so many groups online. I type notconsumed.com almost daily somewhere on something. At times I will come across another resource you have created and it's like you are in my head. So much of what you create is exactly what I want but am not techy enough to do! I had googled a checklist for homeschooling recently and yours popped up. It was exactly the simple thing I wanted. I told my husband that you "get me" when I found it. :) I ended up buying it then hearing about the course and did that too. Even as a veteran homeschool mom I learned a few things from your course. I really love how you foster independence in your kids in stages. Again, exactly what I want to do!

profile-pic
Ferne Downs

Fabulous, heart-felt resources for parents!

Thank you, Kim, for continuing to offer such fabulous and heart-felt resources to us parents! I was not raised in a Christian home and feel like I’m floundering in the dark trying to raise my children to know and love the Lord. Your emails and bible studies are my lifeline! You should write a parenting manual!

May God continue to bless you and your family abundantly!

profile-pic
Kimberley

You're in my head, sister!

I just wanted you to know that I LOVE your blog. I can’t tell you how much the homeschooling posts have meant to me. It’s like you’re in my head, sister!! Thank you so much for taking the time in your busy life to minister to struggling moms and making me feel as if I’m not alone.

profile-pic
Julianne

My daughter loves it all!

I just want to write and let you know that my 13-year-old daughter loves, love, loves everything I have ever ordered from you and says that she wants your entire inventory of bible studies for her next birthday!

Thank you for making a positive difference in our lives!

profile-pic
Paige L.

Lasting Impression on My Entire Family

I wanted to write to encourage you and say, "THANK YOU!" I've been following your blog for years, and you have made such a lasting impression on my entire family. We've purchased many of your Bible Studies and a few other wonderful homeschooling resources, all of which we absolutely love!!! Still, I believe the greatest compliment I can give you is that because of your Bible Studies that my children and I have completed together, my oldest daughter has been so inspired, she's started creating her own daily devotionals, modeled after the ones you've made. They are absolutely precious (in her own little 12-year old way), and she prints one off each morning for our entire family to complete during our quiet time. When she finishes her first "study" (which is on the Fruits of the Spirit by the way), she plans to print a set to hand out to her small group at church. To see my daughter take ownership of her faith in this way and to bless others with a deeper study of God's Word is a precious gift to me, and I can't thank you enough for your inspiration and positive influence!

profile-pic
Noel M.

Positive Impact in My Life

I've been following your blog for a couple years and I have enjoyed participating in your free bible studies/devotions as well as those I've purchased from you. I just wanted to let you know that you've made such a positive impact in my spiritual and home school life, as well as support and encouragement for motherhood. Thank you for being such a blessing to so many moms.

profile-pic
Sheryl

Monthly Scripture Pages

Thank you for creating the monthly Scripture pages... especially the KJV one! It's the only Bible I use and hardly any bloggers use it on their stuff. I also really appreciate the products that you provide. I really appreciate the insights, laughter, and thoughtfulness put into your blog, emails, Facebook posts, etc.

profile-pic
Christi, single homeschooling mom of 7

Life-giving Words

What an encouragement your words have been to me! The practical tips and realistic systems that you share are so super helpful, but what I have appreciated the most has been your genuine heart for the Lord and for the things of the Lord. What I sense through your words is a heart submitted to the Lord, clinging to Him instead of to bitterness. Walking a path that you never signed up for, painfully aware of your brokenness and inadequacies, but keeping your eyes focused on the only Giver of Life. You have a testimony of victory, of overcoming, Kim. Your life-giving words boast of the faithfulness of a God who hears and sees and knows and provides and comforts. A God who doesn't change.

profile-pic
Tara, single homeschooling mom

Brings courage to my heart!

I want to thank you for your transparency and dedication to blessing families with resources. Thank you for the life giving words that I read over and over. I cling to the hope I see in your story. Not only did you help me work through things that had happened, you prepared me for a situation that could have consumed me. God used your encouragement to strengthen me. I was so beaten down, discouraged, and tired from the long and difficult path I had been walking. It was a refreshing rain in the middle of a weary road, and it made me hope for a future that is victorious.

Want to share how you’ve been blessed by Not Consumed ministries?

⏰ Time is running out! Sale ends tomorrow! ➡ ⏰ Time is running out! Sale ends tomorrow! ➡  Link in bio.⁣
⁣
#notconsumed #biblestudy #biblestudymoments #devotionsforkids #christianparenting #homeschool #homeeducator #homeschoolmom #homeschoollife #homeschoolmama
😊 We need to believe that work is the perfect g 😊 We need to believe that work is the perfect gift from our perfect God. This will reflect in our attitude and help our kids see it that way too! ➡  Link in bio.⁣
⁣
#notconsumed #biblestudy #biblestudymoments #devotionsforkids #christianparenting #homeschool #homeeducator #homeschoolmom #homeschoollife #homeschoolmama
🤔 Here are 5 thoughts to encourage good work et 🤔 Here are 5 thoughts to encourage good work ethics in your kids. #3 may surprise them. ➡  Link in bio.⁣
⁣
#notconsumed #biblestudy #biblestudymoments #devotionsforkids #christianparenting #homeschool #homeeducator #homeschoolmom #homeschoollife #homeschoolmama
🧐 Think about that for a minute. When every sin 🧐 Think about that for a minute. When every single choice you make changes you, then you are either becoming something you want to be or something you don’t. ➡  Link in bio.⁣
⁣
#notconsumed #biblestudy #biblestudymoments #devotionsforkids #christianparenting #homeschool #homeeducator #homeschoolmom #homeschoollife #homeschoolmama
🤩 FREE chore chart printable for EASY household 🤩 FREE chore chart printable for EASY household management. ➡  Link in bio.⁣
⁣
#notconsumed #biblestudy #biblestudymoments #devotionsforkids #christianparenting #homeschool #homeeducator #homeschoolmom #homeschoollife #homeschoolmama
#notconsumed #scripture #Scriptureoftheday #faithi #notconsumed #scripture #Scriptureoftheday #faithinJesus #gratitude #godisalwaysgood
Work Unto The Lord is a brand new study that will Work Unto The Lord is a brand new study that will encourage good work ethics while growing in faith. 🤩 20% off today! ➡  Link in bio.⁣
⁣
#notconsumed #biblestudy #biblestudymoments #devotionsforkids #christianparenting #homeschool #homeeducator #homeschoolmom #homeschoollife #homeschoolmama
Load More... Follow on Instagram


OUR MINISTRY

About Kim
What We Believe
FAQ
How to Blog


GET CONNECTED

Contact Us
Visit our Blog
Get our Free Printables

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • YouTube

WAYS TO HELP

Donate
Shop
Hire Kim to Speak
Affiliates

Copyright © 2021 · Not Consumed.

Not Consumed® is fully trademarked by Not Consumed Ministries, LLC.

All Rights Reserved.

Site Design by Visibilia Media