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Spiritual Growth » Biblical Parenting » How did I get such ungrateful children?

How did I get such ungrateful children?

November 9 By Kim Sorgius 2 Comments

9 Nov
ungrateful-kids

In our me-focused world, it’s not uncommon to have ungrateful children. This is how we’ve gotten them and what we can do to teach contentment.

I just needed a gallon of milk, some zucchini, and an onion.

We couldn’t even get in the front door without maneuvering around a giant display of candy. “Oh mom, can we PLEASE get some candy?” they begged as if they hadn’t eaten in weeks and the candy would keep them alive. I simply kept walking and they put the candy down.

Then we went down the aisle toward the milk only to be tempted by the marshmallows. “Oh mom, let’s get marshmallows. We know you LOVE Rice Krispie treats.” Again, I kept walking.

I was thankful to have secured the milk and we headed back down toward the produce aisle. “Oh mom, let’s get some coke and chips,” they pleaded. My beet-red face was evidence of frustration rising to a boiling point, but I somehow managed a kind reply. “We’ve just come into the store for 3 items today.” We grabbed the produce needed and headed to the checkout.

ungrateful-kids

I know you’ve been there, too. (Why on earth do the stores hate moms so much?) I think there were a few moments of self-control as we stood there in the line, but they quickly waned into pleas from ungrateful children.

Can we get some gum?

I have $1 at home, can I pay you back and buy these M&M’s?

Oooo look at this little spinny thing mom, I really NEED it!

Each one of my 4 children was grasping something and shoving it in my face, making demands. I’d love to tell you that I kept my cool, but I try to make it a habit to tell the truth around here. Sigh. I made it through bags of candy, marshmallows, and coke, but this was simply too much.

As I have a habit of doing, I pondered the event as we drove home. (There was plenty of silence because said children were too scared to talk again.) I can’t even remember what I said in the store. Maybe it was some threat to take away their first-born child or shut them in a tower until they were 20. No, wait, that’s a movie. (ha)

Seriously, it didn’t even matter what I said in there. I felt like I had been slapped in the face. This issue of teaching my kids to be content and not to ask for every.single.thing in the store was a lot harder than it looked. Surely I was a good mom. Surely I had done some things right in regards to teaching on this topic. But it wasn’t enough to keep them from acting like ungrateful children asking for everything in sight. Which brought me back to the question at hand.

As I considered the facts about my parenting and about the world in general, I began to see that I was going to have to be much more proactive about this.

proactive-parenting

How did I get such ungrateful children?

I gave it to them.

Yep, it’s true. I give in to my kids. Sometimes when my kids ask for things, I buy them. Of course, I don’t really think this is bad parenting per se, but guess what happens if you buy something even one time? You guessed it. They ask again. So in theory, I’ve taught them to ask.

I allowed them to have too much.

Maybe you’re in my shoes and no matter how hard you try, the grandparents and relatives still think that the more presents they give, the better. Even with cleaning out and donating or selling toys on a regular basis, we still have far more than we really could ever play with. This excess creates a desire for more, feeding the heart of ungrateful children. Seems backward, but it’s true. The more you get, the more you want.

I allowed them to listen to the world.

Ok, so maybe I don’t so much allow this, but since we live here in the world there isn’t much I can do to totally block out the message the world is sending about “things.” Even without a tv, my kids still see ads that attempt to convince them their lives would simply be better if they had a particular item. I can’t keep them from taking in all of this advertising, but I can be focusing on teaching them how to evaluate it. And I do… sometimes. (Clearly not enough though.)

I neglected to teach them to be content.

That day in the car as I drove home from my little tirade in the store, I was reminded of this very important part of parenting. My kids were asking for things because they knew it was the way to get them and because they have so much and because the world tells them to want more, but the underlying issue was way bigger than all of that. The real issue was a failure on my part to truly convey to them how God wants them to feel about the things they already have.

I neglected to teach them to find godly contentment in their everyday. I had neglected to diligently teach them how to have an attitude of gratitude. This realization motivated me to look at Scripture on the topic and share it with my kids. As I started learning, I began to see that God’s Word actually has a LOT to say about this particular topic. So I created a Bible study that we could use together each day.

Teaching Contentment

Little by little I began to see a difference. Instead of showing the hearts of ungrateful children who constantly ask for little things, they reminded each other of what they were learning. And on many occasions they even stopped themselves before the whole request got out of their mouths. It’s a process of course, but the journey has been worth it! So worth it that I’d like to share it with you.

As with my other studies, I wrote it on two levels spanning ages 4-84. (Ha.) Seriously though, I learned so much from it myself that it’s hard to put a cap on the age for this one. Like the other studies, the idea is for families to complete the study together and discuss. In my family, the older kids do it during their quiet time while I work with the younger ones. We come together for a morning devotion time and discuss what we are learning.

The discussions of this particular study have been some of the sweetest we’ve ever had. I’ve been so convicted about what I had never really taught them regarding God’s love for us and our lack of trust that He is giving us good things. Oh how I pray that it blesses your family, too.

Comments

  1. Heidi Miller-Ford says

    November 12 at 1:58 pm

    I just had this SAME issue in the store today and also yesterday when my 5 year old sat staring at a toy on a website for quite a while because she wants us to get it for her for Christmas. It finally hit me that she was sitting there coveting that toy! I know EXACTLY how you feel. This study sounds wonderful!!

    Reply
  2. Andy Dawn Nagy says

    November 13 at 8:28 am

    Our kids are now older, the oldest being 20 and the youngest 12. They are some of the most generous-hearted people I know. We have never had much since I gave up earning an income to become a mother and home educator. Every time I prayed about giving them an allowance the Lord clearly put it on my heart to refrain, even though in my heart I wanted them to have it. They all did (and do) chores until they are taking college classes, and even then I will ask them to do things and they hardly ever complain or have a bad attitude. I think it’s a way of life, If a younger complains and older will usually step up before I have the chance and exort them to do their part. This has only happened a couple of times, shockingly. (they don’t like to be corrected by an older sibling!) They know we love them and that Mom shouldn’t have to do everything and that we are being careful with our money so we can make the most of it and help them as much as we can with college.
    When they are old enough they start coming up with creative ways to earn money – walking dogs, edging lawns, etc. etc. and they all love volunteering for friends at church and use their own money to go on mission trips and retreats. I wish I had had such a wonderful attitude at their age!
    I think most of the issues your little ones have are normal. All children see things they want and ask for them. It takes time for them to understand things like the family budget and nutrition and such. Let’s face it, too, we’re all born selfish, wanting our own way and what feels good to us. What mothers can do is help them process it at their own level.
    The most important thing to remember is that our responsibility is not to make our children behave perfectly. They are whole persons with wills and intellects and personalities unique to them. No. Our responsibility is in how we REACT to our children’s behavior. I cannot emphasize this strongly enough. Pride is the enemy of godly parenting. We might think it’s fear because we feel that, but at the core it’s pride.

    Reply

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Lasting Impression on My Entire Family

I wanted to write to encourage you and say, "THANK YOU!" I've been following your blog for years, and you have made such a lasting impression on my entire family. We've purchased many of your Bible Studies and a few other wonderful homeschooling resources, all of which we absolutely love!!! Still, I believe the greatest compliment I can give you is that because of your Bible Studies that my children and I have completed together, my oldest daughter has been so inspired, she's started creating her own daily devotionals, modeled after the ones you've made. They are absolutely precious (in her own little 12-year old way), and she prints one off each morning for our entire family to complete during our quiet time. When she finishes her first "study" (which is on the Fruits of the Spirit by the way), she plans to print a set to hand out to her small group at church. To see my daughter take ownership of her faith in this way and to bless others with a deeper study of God's Word is a precious gift to me, and I can't thank you enough for your inspiration and positive influence!

Paige L.

2018-07-03T14:45:32-05:00

Paige L.

I wanted to write to encourage you and say, "THANK YOU!" I've been following your blog for years, and you have made such a lasting impression on my entire family. We've purchased many of your Bible Studies and a few other wonderful homeschooling resources, all of which we absolutely love!!! Still, I believe the greatest compliment I can give you is that because of your Bible Studies that my children and I have completed together, my oldest daughter has been so inspired, she's started creating her own daily devotionals, modeled after the ones you've made. They are absolutely precious (in her own little 12-year old way), and she prints one off each morning for our entire family to complete during our quiet time. When she finishes her first "study" (which is on the Fruits of the Spirit by the way), she plans to print a set to hand out to her small group at church. To see my daughter take ownership of her faith in this way and to bless others with a deeper study of God's Word is a precious gift to me, and I can't thank you enough for your inspiration and positive influence!
https://www.notconsumed.com/testimonials/lasting-impression-on-my-entire-family/

Monthly Scripture Pages

Thank you for creating the monthly Scripture pages... especially the KJV one! It's the only Bible I use and hardly any bloggers use it on their stuff. I also really appreciate the products that you provide. I really appreciate the insights, laughter, and thoughtfulness put into your blog, emails, Facebook posts, etc.

Sheryl

2018-07-03T14:56:01-05:00

Sheryl

Thank you for creating the monthly Scripture pages... especially the KJV one! It's the only Bible I use and hardly any bloggers use it on their stuff. I also really appreciate the products that you provide. I really appreciate the insights, laughter, and thoughtfulness put into your blog, emails, Facebook posts, etc.
https://www.notconsumed.com/testimonials/monthly-scripture-pages/

Bible Studies are Incredible!

I just ordered and am in the process of printing out so many of your amazing resources and I can't wait to get started! Your bible studies are incredible and so thoughtful, your planner is wonderfully laid out and your breakfast and lunch stations will save me so much time!! I don't know how you do it all, but I'm thankful you do!!

Cathy, homeschool mom of 2

2018-07-03T14:58:40-05:00

Cathy, homeschool mom of 2

I just ordered and am in the process of printing out so many of your amazing resources and I can't wait to get started! Your bible studies are incredible and so thoughtful, your planner is wonderfully laid out and your breakfast and lunch stations will save me so much time!! I don't know how you do it all, but I'm thankful you do!!
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Thanks for sharing a piece of your family. Your blog is, honestly, the only one I have ever subscribed to. I feel like I'm on the phone with a girlfriend every time I read your words. I love it! I often find myself spending hours clicking from one post to the next telling myself, "okay, one more and then go to bed!" It's all just so helpful!

Brittany, mom of 2

2018-07-03T15:02:44-05:00

Brittany, mom of 2

Thanks for sharing a piece of your family. Your blog is, honestly, the only one I have ever subscribed to. I feel like I'm on the phone with a girlfriend every time I read your words. I love it! I often find myself spending hours clicking from one post to the next telling myself, "okay, one more and then go to bed!" It's all just so helpful!
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Fabulous, heart-felt resources for parents!

Thank you, Kim, for continuing to offer such fabulous and heart-felt resources to us parents! I was not raised in a Christian home and feel like I’m floundering in the dark trying to raise my children to know and love the Lord. Your emails and bible studies are my lifeline! You should write a parenting manual!

May God continue to bless you and your family abundantly!

Ferne Downs

2018-11-26T10:37:28-05:00

Ferne Downs

Thank you, Kim, for continuing to offer such fabulous and heart-felt resources to us parents! I was not raised in a Christian home and feel like I’m floundering in the dark trying to raise my children to know and love the Lord. Your emails and bible studies are my lifeline! You should write a parenting manual! May God continue to bless you and your family abundantly!
https://www.notconsumed.com/testimonials/fabulous-heart-felt-resources-for-parents/


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