I know it drives you nuts. The very second you get on the phone, every kid in the house needs something. While they are spewing their needs at you, you are secretly hoping you can crawl in a hole. It’s embarrassing when a child interrupts. It’s rude and obnoxious. Plus, it renders your conversation ineffective. I mean, who wants to talk to someone who is constantly saying, “I’m sorry. Now, where were we?”
But don’t worry, my friend. You won’t have to crawl in that hole. There is a simple and effective solution to this problem. In fact, in 9 years of teaching public school, I never found a child who didn’t respond to this rule!
How to Teach Your Child Not to Interrupt
It’s not magical or complex. In fact, it’s just one little thing. But I promise you’ll be amazed. What is the interrupt rule? When your child wants to say something to you, they simply need to place their hand on you. They can put their hand on your leg, hand, or arm. It kinda depends on how old the child is and whether or not you are sitting or standing. Then, they must wait for you to respond.
Why do this? Allowing your child to put their hand on you gives them the chance to give you a non-verbal cue that they need something, yet still not interrupt the conversation. This is a vital skill to develop.
It also helps mom to focus. Maybe you are like me and sometimes tune out the voices of the kids when you are trying to focus on something. If they place their hand on you, the physical sensation will make you immediately aware.
How Do You Train Them
If you just tell your child the rule, there isn’t much chance they are going to just do it. Remember, it’s not a magic pill. Like anything in parenting, we will need training. Practice this with siblings and phone conversations first. I even make fake phone calls sometimes!
If they interrupt you, put your hand on them–near their mouth if need be. Or you can hold up your hand offering a “stop” sign. Whatever you do, DO NOT talk to the child until he/she has properly placed their hand on you and waited for you to respond. With little ones, you might even need to place their hand on your leg for them. Then place your finger to their mouth to remind them.
I promise that with a little bit of practice, your kids will shock and amaze you. When I was a teacher, most of the class had this down within a few days of school starting! The key is to never give in.
Now don’t worry. If you haven’t started this with your kids, it’s not too late. Remember, I trained brand-new kids in the classroom every year. I would suggest that you sit your child down and say something like this, “Mommy has realized that she has been letting you interrupt, and that is not polite. I am going to teach you a way to get my attention without interrupting.” The thing I love about kids is that most are so resilient and willing to change. If you talk to them about things, they are very likely to jump on board to make your home a better place.
What If You Have a Chronic Offender
A reader wrote me a few weeks ago and asked what I might suggest for her 12-year-old son who is a chronic interrupter. Bear in mind, this child is 12. I probably wouldn’t offer the same advice to someone with a 6-year-old. In fact, I would say to follow the simple steps above and keep being consistent. But at 12, the issue is much larger, and his cooperation will play into this. Here is the suggestion I gave her:
“I would consider making it a priority with the highest consequence. Sit him down and explain why it is important to you and to his effectiveness as an adult. Then tell him that you want to work with him to remind him. Perhaps a monetary thing would work with his age. Maybe a jar with $20 in it at the beginning of the month, then each time he interrupts he has to pay $1 for a rudeness penalty. If he can stop interrupting, he will have $20 at the end of the month. That ought to motivate him to try and correct the problem. You may need to adjust the money and penalty fee or time frame based on how often this really happens. If it’s super bad, you might need to start with 1 week at a time. You want him to succeed. You also want the penalty to hurt.”
So now it’s your turn. Have you tried this trick? What suggestions do you have?
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Kathy says
Great ideas! I’m wondering though how to apply this in the van when the kids are all talking at once, or the dinner table when I don’t want them out of their seats?
lori says
Me too?
Kim Sorgius says
In the car is certainly a challenge! I pretty much have a no tolerance rule in the car. If I have to talk on the phone (which I try VERY hard not to do) all is silent. If they aren’t, there is a consequence. Because the space is so small and there are so many of us in the car, it’s very hard to hear even if they whisper. If I am speaking (or if one of their siblings is speaking) they should be listening. The interrupt rule generally applies to a conversation that they aren’t involved in. If they are involved in the conversation, it’s most polite to wait for the person to finish. So that is what I teach.
jess says
A good oldie from the “growing kids gods way” course from the ezzos. We use this for our 4 yr old and it works really well. Although I dont agree with everything in the GKGW (I don’t like how the ezzos have zero relationship with their adult children), we really like this and took this principle and a few other things away with us. It’s very respectful to everyone involved – child, parent and other person =)
Kim Sorgius says
I totally agree. 🙂
Jeni says
My son puts his hand on me but then gets impatient within a short time and starts pulling. Any suggestions on how to stop that behavior?
Ali Rich says
I’m also wondering this! I have put this rule in place but sometimes the person I’m talking to is in the middle of saying something and the child has to wait a little while and they get impatient and either start pulling, dancing around, or just shout out what they’re waiting to say. Do you typically acknowledge them in some way to know you realize they’re waiting, or just don’t look at them or speak to them until there’s a break in conversation?
Kim Sorgius says
I usually will put my hand on theirs to indicate to them that I know they are waiting. Then practice, practice, practice until they get better at waiting. Be sure you practice when no one is around and it doesn’t matter as much.
Kim Sorgius says
I usually will put my hand on theirs to indicate to them that I know they are waiting. Then practice, practice, practice until they get better at waiting. Be sure you practice when no one is around and it doesn’t matter as much.
Lorna says
I used something similar with al 3 of my kids ( now 17, 10 and 8) When they were young, I had them squeeze my hand when they wanted to say something. I would squeeze back to acknowledge them and let them know I would attend to them when I was able. It took time for one of my kids to learn patience and so I would say: “I know you have something to say to or show me; please wait a moment” and I squeezed the hand while doing so. Eventually, we went straight to a squeeze.
Lacey says
I like the hand squeeze! My kids always have their hands on me (they’re quite clingy), but a hand squeeze would be a good way to communicate.
NanaP says
I taught this method to my 7 yo granddaughter a few years ago and it works wonderfully well. When she puts her hand on me, I usually put my hand on top of hers or smile at her, then I look for an opportunity to excuse myself soon from my conversation so I can respond to her. Recently she’s started putting her hand on mine when I’m talking to her and she has something she urgently wants to say, but knows she needs to wait her turn to talk. Precious!
Depending on the age and attention span of the child, I suggest that when you are first training this method, try hard to make the wait as short as possible (like saying “excuse me” as soon as possible to the person talking to you), so you can give the child your full attention and “thank you for waiting patiently” praise (even if the waiting patiently is only 10 seconds at first!).
Keya says
I have been using this rule with my two boys. I do have to remind them to be patient, because they will start tapping my arm or leg until I give them my attention. However, my oldest (8) has a tendency to place a heavy hand on my shoulder or arm. I do have to caution him against this quite a bit.
Anon says
Any suggestions for using this with older people in the house that constantly interrupt?
Kim Sorgius says
Haha. I’m afraid older people are a lost cause. You know how we are…set in our ways! 🙂
Reena Lewis says
Hi Kim,
I found this post thru Pinterest and I just loved it. My son is only seven months old, but I will remember to keep this trick in my back pocket for when he gets older.
I just started my own mom blog about a month ago, and I am actually in the middle of writing up a post that would be relevant to connect with your post. I will be sure to add a link to your page.
Thanks so much for this advice. As a new mom, I want to soak up as much knowledge as possible.
Reena
Krista says
The biggest problem with our 3.5yo is when we’re in the car and hubby and I are trying to have a conversation, often times very important. In a car seat, he won’t be able to touch either of us. Tips?
Kim Sorgius says
This is what I wrote above when someone else asked. 🙂 Know that you aren’t the only one struggling with this!
“In the car is certainly a challenge! I pretty much have a no tolerance rule in the car. If I have to talk on the phone (which I try VERY hard not to do) all is silent. If they aren’t, there is a consequence. Because the space is so small and there are so many of us in the car, it’s very hard to hear even if they whisper. If I am speaking (or if one of their siblings is speaking) they should be listening. The interrupt rule generally applies to a conversation that they aren’t involved in. If they are involved in the conversation, it’s most polite to wait for the person to finish. So that is what I teach.”
I would add to that- since this is your husband and you talking, you might try having one of you put your hand up like a stop sign to remind him that it’s not his turn right now.
Elodie says
I tried the hand on my arm thing with my crew, but it didn’t really work for us. The main reason being that I have 7 children & often times there’s more than one (or two) wanting my attention. If they chose to interrupt, I started having them put their hand over their mouth & wait patiently to be acknowledged. (Their hand serves as a physical reminder to not speak at that time.) This works very well in the car, or when I can’t be within arms reach. My older children learned very quickly to wait patiently for a break in conversation. My younger children are starting to get the hang of it, but we still employ this quite a bit. (They are 4yo & 6yo) Hope that helps give another idea!
April Mullin says
First, I just wanted to say I discovered your blog today and I have been so blessed catching up on what I’ve been missing 🙂
I usually get turned off very easily by an arrogant attitude the blogger may have. Especially when it comes to mothering. Like “this is the right way and everyone else is wrong” but I like your humility and honesty. You’re very real and it shows to your readers. I feel like you’re just interested in helping another momma out! Thanks!
May God continue to bless this journey of yours!
Kim Sorgius says
Aww…thank you for such sweet words, April!
Sally Webster says
Great tip! We do something similar. I would also caution parents to be respectful of their children as they would anyone else. It is so common for adults to want to engage in an hour long visit/conversation with one another while basically ignoring the children present and expecting them to not “interrupt” (not saying that is what you meant here at all!). But, just think about how rude that would be if we did it to one another? I think sometimes we have too high of expectations of our children. Yes, we should expect them not to interrupt, but we should also be courteous of their presence as well. Thanks for sharing 🙂
Joyce says
When my youngest child was 5 I learned this method and he is now 16 and still does it. As a matter of fact all of my children, 16, 17, 18, 18 & 19 still do it to this day. I have taught many other parents this same “trick” and it has truly paid off! Even teachers, high school teachers, have complemented them on their approach!
The child learns to respect the parents time and then the child feels valued because he/she has Mom’s/Dad’s complete attention.
Being honest, I do it to my husband and my mom and I am 35 years old. I believe it shows honor and respect. Thanks for passing on the good advice!
Tracy says
It does take some children a long time to learn this. Having patience takes a certain level of maturity and more for some children then others.
Belinda Letchford says
Yes, we too have found this tip very helpful. I looked for specific times where I could create training opportunities in the home: talking on the phone, and listening to audio’s were my two best home based scenarios that enabled me to teach and the kids to practice without an actual ‘conversation’ going on. I also extend this, now that they are older, to anyone reading, working or thinking. To interrupt their thought processes is just as important as interrupting their conversation. Another thing we have done that extends from this is to teach the kids to say “excuse me” after they’ve been acknowledged and before they say what they want to say. The interruption courtesy is a practical tool to teach patience but to say ‘excuse me’ takes their courtesy to a personal level.
Kat says
It seems that several of your ideas come from the Growing Kids God’s Way curriculum by the Ezzos. I took that class and loved it! I love your blog – thanks so much!
Kim Sorgius says
I took that class as well. I’ve used many of their ideas through the years, as well as, a blend of info from other great books. They kinda all blend together these days! Ha.
Carla Link says
I had noticed that many of your ideas Kim come from the Growing Kids God’s Way curriculum as well. We have taught this class for over 20 years now and are the authors of the Mom’s s Notes parenting presentations which give practical application to the principles learned in GKGW, age-appropriate. My kids are now young adults and we recently got together for my hub’s bday and it was a delightful time of fun and fellowship. With the interrupt rule, we would squeeze our child’s hand to let him/her know I knew he was there. That was their cue to drop their hand and wait quietly. If the child didn’t wait quietly, I would point to the floor which meant he had to sit until I acknowledged him. This was my way of teaching them patience or to wait. My husband and I used the interrupt rule on each other and still do. We also used it on our kids when they were talking to someone and we needed to interrupt. When our kids were teens they would come alongside me and touched my shoulder then stepped back until a break in the conversation. In the car, when they reached elementary school age, they would raise their hand when they wanted to say something to someone in the front seat. The driver always noticed this when he/she looked in the rear view mirror. My 2 1/2 yr old granddaughter’s parents have been teaching her the interrupt rule. She came to me and touched my arm and said at the same time, “I get to talk Gram!” I agreed, but told her she needed to wait until I was ready, which I was in seconds. Our kids friends used the rule when they were around us because our kids did! Such a great way to show respect to the person I am talking to. Thanks for letting me add my 2 cents worth!
sharon says
What if you or your child have an aversion to being touched?
Kim Sorgius says
Well, I suppose that might depend on the reason for the aversion. Overall, I’d say that touch is one of the most important ways that we communicate with one another and it would be worth developing that skill.
laura says
How can I train my mother? I am serious. I’ve grown up in a home where interruption is the norm. Now that I’ve learn’t not to interrupt the hard way, and I am proud about this, it’s hard to try that my daughter get’s it while my parents, specially my mom, tell any thought it comes to their mind in any situation.
Kim Sorgius says
Hehe. I can’t help but snicker, yet I do understand. Adults can use this method, but only the ones who want to be taught. 🙂
Andrea says
Genius! Such simple yet awesome techniques, I can tell you enjoy tteaching. God bless you.
Heather says
Volume control is a hard one in my house when talking on the phone. What do you suggest for children whom are talking/playing loud and not necessarily needing your attention? Would the stop hand motion with finger on the mouth be the most appropriate?
Kim Sorgius says
Personally, I inform my children when I plan to be on the phone and they know how to behave. I almost never take calls on demand. It’s wonderful!
Annieofbluegables says
Basically I told them that if they interrupted when I was on the phone, the answer was “NO”. And the answer would still be “NO” when I got off the phone. But if they waited until I was off the phone to ask, then it probably would be yes. I told them that unless their sister was drowning or the house was on fire, or some other mortal danger, they were NOT to interrupt. Period.
Interrupting caused negative attention after I got off. Not only was the answer still no, they got a reminder of the rule, i.e. Long talk.
They could wait for that toy, snack, whatever. I tried not to make my phone calls very long, because I really resented my mom always being on the phone when I was young.
They were allowed to stand beside me while I finished my conversation, and wait with their mouths closed.
They learned quickly not to ask for anything when I was on the phone.
As for company and interrupting, they learned to be respectful and wait their turn. They usually got a bigger reward if they showed restraint and didn’t interrupt, such as two snacks instead of one, but basically they were very good.
But if they forgot and interrupted while company was there, I’d remind them of the rules, now the answer is no. And I’ll talk with you after the company leaves… another lecture.
If children are not taught manners, they will be a detriment to society. By not teaching our children manners, we are doing them and all around them a disservice.
Amber says
How would you help your kids learn to not interrupt when they are in the convo? All five of mine try to talk at once. My brain becomes a blur, and it’s causing chaos.
Amber says
I have one in particular that likes to finish everyone’s stories for them or share their news. It’s very frustrating for the others.
Kim Sorgius says
Have them use the same system. You could also have them use a “talking stick” or other physical object to pass around. Only the person holding it may talk. This works really well for young children, especially. Sometimes they need that physical reminder.