How to Prepare Your Heart for the Hard Things
A note to our readers: This post was originally written in March 2017.
We’ve walked through the doors marked “Pediatric Oncology” 18 times since November. It’s the place no one ever wishes to go and most people never imagine they will face. But we’ve done it over and over again. We’ve sat down in the waiting room next to babies with no hair. Teens who can barely walk with walkers. Little girls with oxygen tanks strapped into wheelchairs. Young boys with tubes dangling from too many places to count.
I won’t lie. It’s been the hardest, sweetest, and most beautiful thing I’ve yet faced in life. God has blessed us with a measure of grace that words can’t quite define, and we’ve learned to prepare our hearts for the hard things with a joy I’ll always cherish.
In just a few days, we will have our next MRI (Monday, 3/6/17) to see if the tumor in Luke’s brain is growing. As I was praying over it this morning, I was consumed with God’s tender compassions. It’s true. His compassions fail not, and they are new every single morning (Lamentations 3:22–23). They wash over me like a healing balm on a cool spring morning.
But I would be foolish to ignore the possibilities. Luke’s been plagued with continual headaches that seem unrelated to the chemo, and this alone raises our concern, not to mention the already aggressive nature of the tumor itself and the neurological symptoms that cause him to collapse unexpectedly. No matter what, we still have 10+ months of chemo treatments, side effects, and walking back through those doors . . . but there’s always a chance that the stakes are raised with this test.
Of course, God knows the results we face. They are already decided, and He’s already working them for our good. The only question is . . . how do we prepare OUR hearts?
I’ve been thinking about that a lot over the last few days. I’ve thought about how people allow circumstances in their lives to drive them to alcohol, drugs, overeating, and a host of other very harmful behaviors. Those things have a temporary numbing power, and clinging to them can be incredibly tempting. But sadly, the relief is short-lived, and the problem remains. Plus, we can take this so far that we become addicted to things we think will save us from our circumstances, forgetting that we have access to something that really WILL help.
This reminds me of something that happened a few weeks ago in chemo. Luke had just settled into his recliner at the day hospital when the nurse came over to start the infusion of medicines through his port. He had 3–4 snacks lined up on his table from the snack cart, ready for the next few hours. She chuckled at the sight and said, “Those snacks really help you get through chemo, don’t they?”
He looked at her like she was a silly child and said, “No. God helps me get through chemo, but the snacks are yummy!”
I’ll be the first to admit there was a well of mama pride in my heart I had to push back at that moment. Something I had said in all those late-night rocking sessions, hysterical crying tantrums, and quiet hospital moments had gotten through to his heart, and I was so grateful. God is enough. He alone is our rock and our salvation. He will get us through this. If there is anything I feel desperate for in this journey, it’s that Luke fully gets that truth.
Snacks may keep us busy in the waiting, but they will never satisfy the longings of our hearts. They will never be enough to prepare us for the hard things, which brings me to the point of today’s post.
How do we prepare our hearts for the hard circumstances in life? Is there anything at all we can do to brace ourselves for the hard days? The bad news? The worst of possibilities? I’d love to share some of the things I’ve used not just in this journey but in facing the many other difficult trials in my life.
How to Prepare Your Heart for the Hard Things
1. Know God’s truth to begin with and hide it in your heart for the hard times.
I know we ALL know this. Without God’s truth in our hearts, we can’t begin to cling to it when circumstances threaten to consume us. We need to be ready for the battle! The trouble is that we make this all legalistic and difficult. It’s not. Just start right now and spend time with God. Grab five minutes, and then try to grab five more tomorrow. Keep trying. Don’t get caught up in excuses and guilt-ridden defeat. Five minutes with God is better than zero, and He’ll use that to help you grow.
In your 5 minutes (which will quickly turn into 10 and then 15 and then 60), keep pressing into the Bible’s truths. Write them down. Carry them in your car. Learn them as much as possible.
When Luke was first diagnosed with a brain tumor in November, we had a lot of time alone together in the hospital room. I read the Bible to him and told him about some of my favorite verses about being strong and not being afraid. I taught him Isaiah 41:10 by just saying it over and over again in a sing-song voice. When he was hysterical or in pain, I would sing hymns to him which were full of Scripture and truth.
There were so many times when I couldn’t look up a verse or use a resource as a crutch. I was so thankful for the many hours I had poured into knowing God’s Word so I could use it when he needed me most. My friend, this is vital for you too. If you don’t know Scripture, hymns, and truth you can share with your kids or family when things are hard, learn some now. Even if you are in the thick of circumstances, it’s not too late to dive into the Word. God will meet you there.
2. Count your blessings.
It seems odd to do this, but thanking God for what He has already done is one of the easiest and most beautiful ways we can prepare our hearts for something unexpected, difficult, or even excruciating. Before we go to chemo, we often talk about the things we are thankful for, like the sweet smiling nurses, time together, and little treasures that God gifts us along the way.
We almost never feel like thanking God, but that’s not a problem. He didn’t ask us to feel like it. We are only commanded to do it. It’s in the doing that we find the feeling of joy! I’ve since created a prayer journal to help us find guidance and encouragement as we lift our hearts to Him in prayerful worship.
Below is a video I took of Luke back in December. He walked into my room on Sunday night and asked if we had chemo the next day. I said yes, and he cheered. I chuckled and grabbed my phone. Then I asked him why he was excited. This was his response.
For those who need a translation, he said he liked all the people there, the fake Santa, building LEGO sets, and spending time with me. Oh, to have the sweet heart of a child! Even in moments most of us would hate, they are always looking for things to enjoy.
3. Talk openly and often.
You absolutely have to talk about stuff. Probably my favorite thing about our oncology team is they NEVER ever ask Luke to step out of the room. They always talk right in front of him. They take time to explain things to him, answer his questions, and treat him like he’s a part of the team. When he wants to know something, he’s not afraid to ask because the doctors haven’t made anything a secret.
This approach fits my parenting well. I don’t hide things from my kids unless it’s a fun surprise. Instead, I teach them to lean on God when things are hard, disappointing, scary, or even confusing. If I don’t let them talk about it, how will they ever learn to trust God with it? And if they don’t trust God with it, the chances of depression, unbelief, anger, and many other struggles grow MUCH higher.
4. Create a routine.
I created a routine for our chemo days by accident. It just sort of happened. About halfway through, I realized Luke relied on these steps for comfort in the unknowns and fears he faced each time we walked through those doors. It was a beautiful tool in preparing his heart for the hard things.
Our routine was very simple. We laid out our stuff the night before and talked about the fun things we wanted to do while getting his infusion (like a new LEGO set to build or a game to play together). That morning as soon as we dropped the girls off at co-op, we prayed together while driving. Then we turned on our chemo playlist and sang songs about courage and God’s goodness. After chemo was over, Luke always knew he could look forward to his once-a-week Chick-fil-A stop.
There was nothing crazy about it all—just a simple way to prepare. Kids thrive on this type of routine, and so do we as adults. If you are facing anything that occurs on a regular basis, consider creating a routine for it to help your mind and heart get ready.
Your turn—>
I pray you are encouraged by this post. I’d love for you to leave a comment telling us what you’ve done to prepare your heart for the hard things in life. You can mention a favorite Scripture, song, or routine. Anything goes! Let’s build each other up as we journey through life here in this broken world.
And, of course, we’re so thankful for the prayers you are already saying and those you’ll continue to lift up. I will do my best to update here on the blog as soon as possible. If you are in the Facebook group, there should be quicker updates there.
Through practical tools & Bible-based resources, Kim Sorgius is dedicated to helping your family GROW in faith so you can be Not Consumed by life’s struggles. Author of popular kid’s devotional Bible studies and practical homeschooling tools, Kim has a master’s degree in education and curriculum design coupled with over 2 decades of experience working with kids and teens. Above all, her most treasured job is mother and homeschool teacher of four amazing kiddos.
Praying with you that Luke’s tumor will not have grown, will be smaller and he will be healed soon!
I have my #notconsumed shirt on today, just was on top of my laundry stack but it was a good choice. I’m praying for your family. The part of the blog that really resonated today was “the routine” of chemo days. I actually miss that now that my hubs is in Glory. It was a sweet time where we could be together with no other agenda, nothing to get done, just ministering to each other and thinking about how blessed we are to know Jesus and be His treasure. I made special bit sized food since his tummy was not happy, the kids would get out the box fan because chemo made him feverish, he’d sit in his favorite recliner with the feet up, fan on, barf bags next to him and a cool wash cloth, tepid water (nothing ever too cold or hot) and praise music always playing. Thanks for making me pause to remember that!! Blessings to you..
Beautifully said, my friend. I just read it out loud with my boys and husband. I know I can’t carry a tune, but during some of the hardest moments in my life (which still don’t compare to chemo with your child) it’s been the hyms, and bible verses long committed to memory that God, in His faithfulness, ALWAYS brings to mind. I will be praying throughout the rest of the weekend- until we have an update & on & on. Thank you for continuing to speak truth in grace & love. 🙂
I meant hymns 🙂 I love the good oldies!!!
Kim, you and your family are a treasure. Thank you for your timely post. Honestly, I haven’t been storing up God’s word for the difficult times. That will now change. I am thanking the Lord for you and for sharing your journey. I am praying for you and your sweet Luke as well as the rest of your children. May the Lord continue to draw you all ever so closer to Him. Thank you again dear sister.
Kim, I’m so encouraged by your attitude and will continue to pray for your family!!
Thank you for being such an encourager. I love your reminder to spend time with God and how God can work with you even for 5 minutes. I admire you so very much. I thank God for you and your family. Continuing to pray with you for God’s perfect healing of Luke.
What spoke to me most is that we need to prepare BEFORE the hard stuff. You said, “There were so many times when I couldn’t look up a verse or use a resource as a crutch. I was so thankful for the many hours I had poured into knowing God’s Word so I could use it when he needed me most.” And all we need to do is start with 5-minutes. Thanks for encouraging us to start. And start now.
Praying for your family.
Well written and encouraging. Praying for you and your sweet boy
Thank you for sharing!
I’m amazed how many times as I look back to hospital stays and frightening surgeries how present God is. Sometimes He’s there in a stranger’s kindness or when I’ve been able to encourage someone else, and sometimes He’s just that quiet peacefulness in the midst of raging emotional storms.
Oh Kim, the heart of Luke is so dear! And thank you for the encouragement to pressing learning His Word…such a critical thing to have so that the Holy Spirit can bring to mind verses that are already swirling in our brains at just thebriggt time that we need it! Luke and your whole family have been on my heart since I finally learned about this…bless you as you serve both him and Him in this season, may God carry you through this challenge victoriously!
I am so thankful I stumbled upon this post today. My 18 month old son also has a brain tumor. Although it is non cancerous, we are soon to face a surgery to remove the seizure-causing mass. We are thankful for this time leading up to the surgery to pray, for the doctors and for the procedure, and also to grow closer as a family and closer to the Lord. You have challenged me to get into the Scriptures over the next few weeks to gather truths I can speak over my son and hold in my heart to get through this challenging time.
Praying for you and your family tonight! “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.” James 4:8a
Hugs and prayers, Mama. Your life lived out touches my heart. Praying for Luke, you, and the rest of the family.
May God be with Luke and your family and help diminish the tumor. You are a strong young man & mom
Hi Kim, I’m sorry to hear abt Luke’s illness. Having 4 kids of my own, it pains my heart to see children suffering. Just wondering if you have read the book “The truth abt cancer” or watch “The quest for the cures” on YouTube?
I’m not sure how I ended up on your e-mail list…perhaps it was just a God thing. I think I may have downloaded a free printable or something. We also have been struck with the dreaded c word with one of our children. She was just 12 months old when diagnosed, but will turn 5 years old next month and is cancer free! We are so thankful. My heart aches for your brave boy and we will add him (and you!) to our prayer list.
Prayers for Luke & your family. Christian music is important in times like these. I remember many nights unable to sleep after chemo going through scriptures in my mind & though I am not musical, songs like “It is Well with My Soul” even when it wasn’t really with my physical body.
Luke is so adorable in the video, blowing a kiss at the end. God has blessed you all.
It is a wonderful reminder of how we are to come to Jesus as a child would. So sweet,
so loving, so adorable, and I thank you for reminding us of how we can learn from our
children just what God means in that verse. Sending grateful love and hugs to you both!
Prayers for you and Luke! You are a testament to how we are to face our trials. You truly are living like Paul said, “Count it all joy when you face various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces perservance.” Thank you for being real and for setting such a wonderful example. Thank you forreminding us all to prepare ourselves for our own trials by hiding ourselves in Christ and hiding His word in our hearts.
Two songs that are a great reminder/encouragement that I have leaned on during difficult times: Trust In You by Lauren Daigle and Thy Will Be Done by Hillary Scott. Praying!:)
You are a treasure ❤. I don’t even know you but have been blessed so much by your blog. I have just learned about your son. My heart goes out to you and your family. Praying for you, him, your family, and all involved. ?
Will say a prayer for Luke. Do have a look at The Truth About Cancer website. So much info about what you can do to minimise the negative effects of chemo. x
My son has Cystic Fibrosis, asthma and Ectodermal Dysplasia. The combination of these complicated syndromes are what caused us to homeschool. And that was just our first blessing. I will keep you in my prayers as I can sorta relate. People always say
“I don’t know HOW you do this…”
With our Lovingly Supportive Father- that’s the ONLY way. I love everything that you’ve shared about this hospital! Amazing! I will be praying for you all!
Praying for Luke!
Thank u for sharing!
Love love love
There is nothing too big for God. Praying for peace, comfort and healing for all of you.
I’m praying for your son and your family. May God continue to wrap His Loving Arms around you! This article has really been a blessing for me. Great advice. I love how your son looks for the blessings and reminds us all to do the same. 🙂
Lifting up prayers for you and your brave young man. Trusting God for his healing. Thank you that in the midst of your struggles you took the time to write this post to encourage others. I’m inspired to recommit my efforts to spending more time in God’s Word. God bless!
Today was one of those days that I said somethings to my boys out of anger and irritation that I regret. As I sit here and read your blog at first I did not realize Luke was your son. You are very encouraging to share about your life. Your faith truly shows. As I kept reading you made me think about my boys and the way I was feeling towards them. I felt guilty for thinking negative when here you are fighting on your needs for your son’s life. My kids are healthy and God forbid they’d had to go through something like that. I guess what I am trying to say is that God made me see myself and how I was complaining about my kids when there is other people going through worse things. I will be praying for you.
Thank you for our prayers. I love how God uses even the little irritations we have with our kids to remind us He is faithful! He works in both the little and big things we face. Keep trusting Him to walk along side you, friend.
Oh, Kim, God’s timing is always perfect. This article was written ages ago, but I needed to read it now. Thank you for sharing the reality of difficult circumstances, but pointing us to God’s Word and the hope and help that comes from reading and knowing God’s truth.