Teaching Your Child the Importance of Obedience
We don’t want our kids to just look like they’re obeying. We want them to learn the importance of obedience and then desire to obey. These tips can help!
When I first started this parenting gig, it was all about me. *cough*
I did label my discipline efforts like most parents as “good parenting” or “Christian discipleship.” But the truth is I wanted to be a successful mom. I wanted obedient children so that MY life would be comfortable. AND I wanted them to know the importance of obedience so they could be a reflection to others.
I succeeded at my goal. It’s true. You can make a kid obey. As a classroom teacher, I learned many tricks and ways of manipulating behavior so that kids would obey. And it worked—at least for a short time anyway.
As I’ve walked through the years, I have come to realize something huge. There are many kids who obey their parents, and then, once they get out into the world, they walk away from God, their families, and sometimes even worse.
That was the one thing I didn’t want for my kids. I want them to learn that obedience is a good thing. It’s not something to do simply to avoid a spanking or consequence. I want them to understand the importance of obedience as it relates to having a relationship of willing and loving submission to God. And to be honest, it’s out of that obedience that my children will choose to obey me and any other authority in their lives. Without that, I really have little chance at true obedience.
As I continue to watch more and more kids rebelling against rules and parental authority, I notice one big missing link: the “why” behind obedience. I see it in adults, as well. Let’s take speeding for example. Do we stay under the speed limit out of willful submission? Or do we slam on the brakes when we see the cop car over the horizon? Do we obey the law because it’s right? Or just to stay out of trouble?
I think we have a very warped view of obedience on our hands. I suspect that you might be just as guilty as I know I am. The truth is—>as a Christian, we obey the law because God said so. It’s willful submission to the authority that God has placed over us. And unless the law requires us to go against God’s law, we are to obey.
This is the level of importance of obedience I want my kids to adopt. Teaching children to WANT to obey is far more important than teaching them to look like they are obeying. And don’t worry, I get that the first few years of a child’s life don’t really apply to this principle. This is indeed the season when Mom/Dad needs to work toward obedience without giving much explanation. But as your child enters the preschool years, it’s time to start helping them understand that there is much more to obedience than making Mom smile.
Table of Contents
Help children understand the “WHY” behind obedience.
1. Obedience shows that you believe.
1 Samuel 15:22 reminds us that “to obey is better than sacrifice.” What God is trying to teach the Israelites here is that he wants them to obey FAR more than he wants them to pay for their sins through sacrifice. After His Own Heart takes children on a meaningful journey through the books of 1 and 2 Samuel, showing them that what matters more to God than anything else is the attitude of their hearts.
The same is true for us. Obedience is one way we show God that we believe He will do what He said He will do. It’s one way we can outwardly show our inward disposition toward God. He does forgive us when we mess up, but He desires that we strive first to not mess up. That is how we demonstrate true belief.
Conversely, disobedience reveals the exact opposite. It uncovers our depravity, our futile and selfish desires to have things our own way rather than God’s. When we disobey God, it’s like telling Him that He isn’t enough or that we aren’t sure if He will come through for us.
2. Obedience shows love.
Our choice to obey God demonstrates our love for Him. Jesus told His disciples that if they loved Him, they would obey His commands (John 14:15). It doesn’t get much clearer than that! A person who really loves Jesus will be constantly striving toward obedience, not constantly trying to figure out how close he/she can get to the line without going over. (Or calculating how he will be forgiven when he decides to stop sinning.)
It’s in our choice to obey that we demonstrate love for God and what a privilege we have! God has given so much for us that if we truly love Him, we won’t be able to squelch our desire to do anything we can do to show love toward Him.
3. Obedience is a witness to others.
Of course, it would be like a perfect and holy God to build this part into the equation. When we obey God, our life shines a light that is so attractive to others that they can’t help but see God. Conversely, disobedience to God, parents, and/or authority is a huge blow on our testimony to other people.
I remind my kids of this often. Usually with the question, “What kind of witness are you being right now?” It’s important to me that they understand that every single choice they make is influential in the life of those around them.
When we disobey God, parents, and/or authority, we are either influencing a Christian in a negative way or showing a non-Christian that we don’t take God very seriously. Either one isn’t what we are aiming for as God’s children.
Pioneer missionary Hudson Taylor said, “Christ is either Lord of all, or is not Lord at all.” I believe others see our lives that way, too. They don’t weigh out the good things with the bad things and try to decide if we qualify as a Christian. It’s either all or nothing.
In the words of the children’s song, Sermon in Shoes, “walk it and talk it.”
4. Obedience brings blessing.
When we obey God, there is blessing. Plain and simple. The cool thing is that blessing isn’t just for us either! The Bible says that God blesses those who obey for thousands of generations.
When we study this topic, I take my kids through the study of people in the Bible who learned the blessing of obedience like Noah, Abraham, Shadrach, Meshach, Abednego, and so many more.
Help children understand the “HOW” behind obedience.
As a parent, I am always finding little things that I forget to teach my kids. We have to be very careful not to assume they know things. Childhood is for growing and learning. We actually do have to teach our kids every little thing.
This includes teaching them PRACTICALLY what obedience looks like. How do we obey? The Bible teaches we should obey without delay, completely, without question, and joyfully.
I start by showing my kids these truths in the Bible then back it up with reinforcement. We are especially fond of music and audiobooks to do this. Our Obey family Bible study bundle has the option for either “Time Twisters,” a musical drama about obedience, or “The Hedge of Thorns,” a Lamplighter Theatre favorite teaching the importance of obedience.
Kids need lots of reminders when they are learning something new, so be sure you help them with this. That reminds me of one more important thing you should know …
Teaching the importance of obedience doesn’t trump grace.
Little children do not even have the power to obey. They will always fail. It’s through salvation in Christ that we get the power to obey (1 Peter 1:13-14).
No, we will never get it right 100% of the time. Yes, the standard that we set in the outline above is a high one. It’s worth the striving, but we are going to fail.
Instead of getting frustrated with their failures (and mine), I’ve learned to teach my children to ask God for help. They pray prayers such as, “God help me to obey when I get mad” or “God help me to listen to Your voice when I’m heading down the wrong path.”
As adults we ask God to help us, so why not teach our kids to do the same? I also pray for my children (in front of them) that God would give them a desire to obey Him and the strength to choose the right thing. Oh, and I pray that for myself in front of my children, too.
I truly believe that it’s in the humble submission they see in me that will then help them to see the importance of obedience in themselves. Otherwise, the temptation to give up the “try hard” game will be high. They will find themselves in a heap of disappointing behaviors with no hope that they can ever do any better. They need to know that even as adults we struggle with obedience to God and that the only solution is to ask God to help us … DAILY!
I can’t stress enough the importance of teaching children what God’s Word says about obedience. They need to understand how God feels about this important topic, and they need to read it straight from His Word, not just from our lips because we won’t always be there to remind them.
If you’d like help teaching your kids these truths and getting them in the Bible, I’ve developed a Bible study that covers the topic of obedience, both what I discussed above and digging even deeper. I’d love to tell you more about it! The Obey Bible Study is part of our Relationship Series, designed to teach your kids Biblical principles for developing and strengthening Christian relationships. Each bundle box contains five age-appropriate Bible studies: Obey, My Brother’s Keeper, Making Peace, Becoming a Servant, and Navigating Friendships— plus, some fun bonus items!
Get more tips on our resource page → How to Help Kids Obey: A Practical Guide for Biblical Parenting
More posts about obedience.
- How to Think of Better Punishments for Kids (especially when we’re mad)
- Is Kid’s Time Out Effective
- How to Get Kids to Listen
- 5 Tips for Your Disobedient Child
- Pointing a Rebellious Child to God
- How to Get Your Kids to Stay in Bed
- How to Teach Your Kids to Stop Interrupting
- When Your Child Embarrasses You in Public
- 3 Christian Discipline Questions to Ask Your Kids
- How to Limit Screentime and Get Your Kids to Obey
Through practical tools & Bible-based resources, Kim Sorgius is dedicated to helping your family GROW in faith so you can be Not Consumed by life’s struggles. Author of popular kid’s devotional Bible studies and practical homeschooling tools, Kim has a master’s degree in education and curriculum design coupled with over 2 decades of experience working with kids and teens. Above all, her most treasured job is mother and homeschool teacher of four amazing kiddos.
Love it .I will use on my daughter and Sunday school
It’s not the message that is important but our obedience to it.
Kim, this is an amazing resource for parents. I’m often challenged with making my kids obey, but not always examining their hearts. I don’t ever want my kids obeying in outward appearance only. I want them to obey from the heart! And like you said, we as adults need that too!
Thanks again for your profound words. I’ve included this resource in my recent post “10 Scripture-Based Prayers for Children” http://healthychristianhome.com/2018/09/19/prayers-for-children/
God bless.
While this all sounds like a good idea, I mean, who doesn’t want a kid that obeys, I can’t help seeing a lot of dangers in teaching blind obedience of “any other authority in their lives”. There will be figures of authority that don’t care about you. What about a crooked cop? What happens when a teacher at school takes advantage of this obedience to sexually assault a child, or even in a church? What about when the federal law says “aborting” a live born child is okay? I attempt to teach my child to obey those they love and trust, like God and family, and put love and trust in a special place. I guess all other laws and rules to be obeyed are more so just humored. I can’t help but wonder where Christians would be today had early followers of the faith blindly obeyed authority…..
I have had the same concern. We have employed many aspects of gentle (or positive) parenting, which places great emphasis on relationships and connections as a basis for obedience. And I’ve been talking to our four year old a lot about obedience. I’ve started explaining to her that as a Jesus follower, she needs to obey mom and dad because God has put us here to keep her safe and teach her what’s right. She seems to understand and appreciate that. She’s very strong willed and I believe that’s going to be a leadership quality, but right now we talk a lot about cooperation and I have told her that if anyone is trying to get her to do something wrong or dangerous, she can be stubborn then. But when mom and dad are giving her a direction, it is for her good and she needs to obey right away.
We have a great book called “God Made All of Me” that helps young kids understand about protecting their bodies in toxic situations. We read it with her from time to time. It’s important that she understands that someone isn’t to be obeyed just because they’re bigger. You’re right— that could be even an older child with dangerous intent. When she’s older we can tackle things like crooked authority. I plan to teach her what toxic leadership looks like, as I think it is important that she recognizes it so she doesn’t think that’s ok and doesn’t imitate that. But I also know she will need to know how to navigate that carefully and with honor, for the Lord’s sake and as His witness. I trust the Holy Spirit will guide all of us when it’s time to teach our kids these trickier lessons.
I dont think he ever mentioned “blind obedience” in fact he went over the Why in fact The Whole premise of this article is teaching children to understand obedience..not just demanding it..and seems like this author is a careful and loving parent and probably explains to them why we obey certain rules..What about the child who never learns to obey authority and ends up being shot and loosing their life because they cant put their hands up or remain in the vehicle, Im pretty sure most children are aware of basic rules of school and society and those don’t usually have anything to do with someone manipulating or assalting them, in fact I can see this happening much more to children who are not taught properly, who are left to their own devices and not properly guided through life. A child who is obedient to rules and thier parents is not more at risk than a rebellious one a disobedient child will sneak out of the house, will do the drugs and all the things that will lead to a wrecked and ruined life..
Wonderful, no words to compare. Please send me weekly activities for children and teens. Much love.
This was great ?? Love ❤️ It
Could this study be used with a 4 year old or is it geared towards older kids?
Thanks!
Our primary level begins with age 4, so it sounds like this would work for your child!
Great article! Kids are always curious about everything we say or ask, and as moms, we need to educate them about moral values and principles to grow them as better people.
I wish there was a concrete clear way to teach this concept to a young child with Down syndrome…. any direction you might be able to point me to?
I really appreciate how you approached the concept of teaching children to obey from a place of understanding and guidance rather than control. Your emphasis on nurturing a child’s heart and helping them develop an inner desire to do what’s right is so powerful. It’s inspiring to see practical strategies that foster mutual respect and trust between parents and children. Thank you for sharing such thoughtful and compassionate advice — it’s sure to encourage many families!