I almost never leave my home without it happening.
Someone spies my “outlandishly” large family and gasps. From out of their mouth comes words that should never be said. Words that are sometimes hurtful. Sometime baffling. But always leave me unsure of exactly how one should respond to such audacity.
Oh, how I want to say something really saucy when a complete stranger comments like this. I honestly do not find that my birth control methods or family choices are really of public concern. But that is simply not the point. People will still say things, and I must learn to respond in a godly manner. Because my ability to extend grace to this stranger is an eternal matter.
Perhaps you can relate to these questions that are most often asked of me. The next time you find your self biting your tongue, I pray that one of these responses will prove useful.
Are they all yours?
Yes, God has blessed me beyond measure.
How do you do it?
With God’s amazing strength, I choose to enjoy everyday for the adventure that it is.
Don’t you know how this happens?
Oh yes, I am so thankful that God has blessed me with this special gift.
Are you crazy (don’t they drive you crazy)?
Training and loving my children is a wonderful privilege. Yes, I’m crazy about it!
So, do you want anymore?
I would be honored. I am looking forward to seeing what God has planned for our family.
Don’t you want to just kill yourself?
While parenting is indeed a sacrifice, my children are worth it. I am so proud to be their mom.
Do they all have the same father?
Yes, their father is irresistible. 🙂
Why would you have so many children?
Children are a heritage of the Lord, a rich blessing and one way that I can bring Him glory.
Did you forget to take your birth control?
You know, I love that God is always in control.
I guess you have your hands full, huh?
Oh yes, thank you! Both my hands and my heart are so amazingly full.
When those insensitive comments come, it may be the only chance that I have to express the wonder and amazement that children bring to my life. It may be the only time this person hears that children are a blessing. Even if they are messy, too loud in the store, or rowdy in the waiting room…Â they are a blessing and an honor.
Disclaimer…I do NOT think that 4 children is a large family, but apparently much of the world does! I’m guessing that the average cashier at the grocery store would be baffled at a homeschool convention…where 4 kids is a rather small family!
Anne says
And then there are the inappropriate comments we moms of multiples get. Did you conceive “naturally”, or did you do that “fertility stuff”? Do twins/multiples run in your family? Are they “test tube babies”? UGH. Does it really matter?
And yes, I’ve gotten the “If I had multiples, I would kill myself!” comment!! So glad those people didn’t get blessed with a batch of babies!! So glad I did!!
Maria says
The worst comment I’ve had so far (this is while I’m expecting my 5th child come september), happened just two days ago. My sister in law (who only has one child) advised with a serious tone “you have got to stop now, it’s dangerous because your ovaries are not the same now at age 37…” terrible comment in my opinion..I hope it’s not just me, but I really thing you just don’t say these things to people – How would you respond to that? I just didn’t say anything, hoping that silence should say it all.
A says
That’s…wow. I’ll be 38 when I have my second. And it’ll be interesting to see the looks I get when I let people know that, no, I do not plan to start any birth control, then or ever. I hope if I ever do face such comments or questions that I can quickly respond with the grace of the answers listed above. Our world has some deplorable ideas about children, for a bunch of people who used to be kids themselves!!
Jackie says
I was 45 when I had my sixth tiny blessing, and she’s as healthy, active, and noisy as the rest were. There is 17 years between first and last. Wouldn’t trade them for all the riches in the world!
Jen says
I don’t think 4 is a big family. Your family is lovely and you are a very lucky lady. People are generally insensitive and I also get equally baffling questions when people find out we have only one child. I have not come up with such graceful answers as yours. I often stammer and turn red and shrug my shoulders. I wanted a larger family and for whatever reason God has decided that one was right for us. The heartbreak and struggles we had to go through to be blessed with her should not have to relived every time someone says something like “only one?”. “Oh she’s spoiled I bet”, “Couldn’t you have more?” . You have inspired me to spend the time and think of some loving responses. Thank you for your post.
Lou Ann Keiser says
Loved your responses! It’s funny. We have “only two” children and have been criticized for that! Really! Your responses are gracious and godly.
Diane Smith says
You are truly blessed! I love your attitude of gratitude! May the good Lord give you strength all of your days! ?
Dee says
I really appreciated this post, I am 19 and getting married next May, my fiancĂ© and I were both single children and both really want a big family ( at least 4 kids ). but it amazes me how negative children or even wanting children is viewed now a days. my mother in law looks down on me because I plan on being a stay at home mom once we reach the age and start having children, she believes i should be working just as equal as my fiancĂ©. but the truth of the matter is that he makes enough money to support us and children if we had them, and i just think its silly that everyone has an opinion on something that really doesn’t affect them.
Melissa says
Thank you for sharing this. I get so many comments and struggle to keep my sarcasm from coming out instead of a loving comment.
vanessa says
Wow, never would’ve thought ppl would be so… idk mean? Good to read though as ive only got one so far, but am hoping to be blessed with 4 or 5 kids! If that’s the kind of comments I can look forward to I better work on my responses. ; ) By the way, I was unsure about being able to handle 4-5 kids until I met a beautiful mother of 4 with the 5th in the womb. She and her family were truly an inspiration to me. So, please remember that even though you hear these ridiculous questions, you never know who you might be inspiring to have a good sized family of their own.
Sara says
Our family has been blessed with four boys…yes, all boys. I prayed that I could be a mom of boys someday, and God was gracious! It’s not that I didn’t want girls; I would have loved having little pigtails, sewing adorable dresses and braiding hair – but God had other plans. Once, after getting the same question over and over (“Oh, no girls???) my oldest son gently came to my rescue. He politely looked at the person, and in his sweet little boy voice said, “No, my sisters are all in heaven.” You see, we had miscarried several times, and my husband and I both think that they are our girls. Our beautiful boy knew all about these little ones, and he sure helped is momma out of a tough situation (our youngest was not even a year old yet). I think the person asking the question might have learned something too… ? Unless we know someone really well, personal questions of this nature just shouldn’t escape our lips.
Katie says
Four is not alot my mom has 7 and my grandma six . You are so right children are a blessing from God . And I want 8 kids ( including adoption) if God is willing .
Lexie says
What lovely answers! We are blessed to have five children. I feel like I got most of these comments when they were small I was pregnant or had a small baby. Now that my youngest is three, I get less, but still am asked often if we are through. For awhile I wanted a t-shirt that said, “Yes, they are all mine, they have the same father, he’s working hard to take care of us, and we love them all! I agree that they are such a blessing and though it is busy, it’s the life we want. Enjoy your beautiful family!
ktmom says
The best way to stop these questions is have so many they can’t even get the words out, because they are tongue tied. I think after I had eight people stopped asking stupid questions. I guess they figured I was a lost cause. Now at fifteen they just stand there with their mouths open as we walk by.
Seriously, I have had a few people say inappropriate things, but most people say kind things to me.
jen says
We have 8 kids and my “favourite” question is; “You know how this happens, right?” I started answering, “Yep. Finally figured it out. Our toothbrushes are too close together.”
The worst thing was when I was pregnant with child #3, and a cousin gave me grief for it (babies are too expensive, apparently), and then our doctor actually recommended abortion because we “already had 2 children and most people only want that many”… we switched doctors…
Why people think your reproductive system is any of their business, anyway…
Kim Sorgius says
Always a fun one.
Rebecca says
We get these comments ALL the time, however ours usually refer not only to the number of kids we have (soon to be 5), but the fact that they are all boys ~ yes, including baby #5 due in August! I always try to respond gracefully when approached (which is quite often). I do get frustrated at the rude “boy” comments, however I just brush them off and simply say “yes, I’m blessed with boys!”. Still, people just don’t think before they speak negative words in front of little ears.
Gwen says
I have 5 boys and have heard it all! I am always so happy when my responsible, loving friends are having more babies. That’s the way we should all be! I have a friend who has 11, including 4 wonderful adoptions.
Jackie says
The last time I heard haven’t you figured out how this happens from my family, I was very pregnant and slightly miserable at the time with baby number five. I answered, “yep I did, And I really enjoy it!” Then smiled and walked off to find a cool drink. They never asked again.
And when asked if we are done yet I simply reply, “I was done, but God had other plans for us. It’s all in HIS hands.”
How do I do it all (or some variation of how are you still sane after six kids)? “A lot of patience and a lot of prayer!” 🙂
Chelsey says
We only have three, and I’m constantly getting these kind of comments. Honestly I want one more, so it drives me nuts that people already feel the need to comment on the three I have! I just want to look people in the eye, and say, “And just imagine, I’m not done yet!!” But usually I just smile and gracefully agree that I “have my hands full.”