I lost my virginity at age 12.
Now before you get all judgmental, I want you to hear the story. You see, I was a “good” Christian girl with no intentions of ever breaking any rules. I made straight A’s, went to church three times a week, and had a great relationship with my family. In fact, following rules made me feel secure and loved.
One afternoon I was one of several friends invited to a gathering at Kevin’s house. He went to my church and his family was very involved there. Plus, there were many friends present for the party. There would be games, adults, and lots of fun. From what anyone could tell, it was a normal and safe activity.
The trouble was, Kevin had another agenda. I was chosen for a quick spin on the 4-wheeler after several others had enjoyed a turn. But I never would have imagined the events that would unfold on that ride. What happened in those woods was wrong, awful, and completely foreign to me. He did “things” and I spent most of those moments trying to figure out what on earth he was doing. I thought it was a very peculiar activity and did indeed decide that I didn’t like it. But by then it was too late.
The saddest part of the story was that it would take a few more years before I truly even grasped what had happened that day. I had no idea what sex was. Having only a sister, I actually didn’t even know what the male anatomy looked like, much less what people did with it. I didn’t know what I had lost until after I was married.
So why am I telling you this? It isn’t because I think you should know about my sexual past. It’s because I care about your kids.
You see, there is an epidemic in our society of parents who STILL view the topic of sex as taboo, at least until a certain age. The thought is that if we protect our young children, then we can wait and discuss this often uncomfortable topic when they are much older.
Please hear me.
When they are much older, it may be too late.
The truth is, my story is actually not that uncommon. There are many young girls who go too far or experience sexual abuse largely in part because they don’t even recognize it. Their parents’ attempts to protect them become the VERY THING that ends up putting them in danger.
This has got to stop.
Talking to our kids about sex is not just to prevent promiscuous activity. This is also a crucial step in protecting our kids from sexual predators. I mean, think about it with me for a second. How on earth will they know if they are being abused if they don’t know what kinds of touch are appropriate or inappropriate? It’s simply not enough to say, “Don’t let anyone touch you under your swimsuit areas.”
It’s not enough to say, “Don’t kiss, touch, or date until you are 30, either.”
That was my mom’s approach to Christian sex education.
My mom was a great mom. She had nothing but good intentions and did everything in her power to raise me right. I’m not throwing her under the bus here. She thought that she was saying the right things to keep me morally and physically pure.
But what I’ve noticed is that she said many of the things I hear parents saying to their kids today and I can’t stay quiet any longer.
This discussion is a crucial one. We must talk to our kids about God’s design for sex and how it relates to their lives if they are going to have any chance at beating the wickedness of this world. We can’t blush and draw them in closer. Trust me, I want to do that as much as you do. But I know too well the cost of such a choice.
How to talk to your kids about sex without feeling uncomfortable
Like everything we do as parents, there is a simple and easy way to address the problem. Oh, and it also happens to be the right way. God has given us His Word to guide us and help us as we strive to teach our children. He commands us to use His Word for instruction, reproof, and training (2 Tim. 3:16). So we can rest easy and know that He has the right words for teaching our children about this delicate and crucial topic.
The trouble is, we can sometimes find ourselves floundering around in Scripture looking for a way to teach something. Have you ever been there?
I sure have. In fact, that’s exactly where I was a few years ago when it came time to talk a little deeper to my girls about this thing called sex. I put it off way too long simply for lack of time to gather my thoughts and resources. I’m a single mom and the thought of teaching boys sexual purity was NO DOUBT uncomfortable, yet at the same time absolutely necessary.
I’m thankful for people like my friends Trisha and Luke who came up with a Bible study that was the perfect fit for the job.
Christian Sex Education You Can Trust
I knew the study would be exactly what I had been looking for, as Luke is a conservative Christian with both theological training and over a decade of experience working with Covenant Eyes, training families to protect their purity online.
We’ve done all 3 books in the collection.
The Talk is designed to be done with young children between the ages of 6-10. Although it covers a topic we are often less than excited to discuss, it’s truly a sweet blessing. The girls asked a few questions about God’s plan and what stuck with them most was the rich Scripture included in the study. When I did it with the boys, they had a LOT of questions and I was thankful to have the opportunity to discuss these big concepts in a holy context long before their peers gave them other ideas about it.
Up next is Changes. Perfect for boys/girls on the cusp of their teen years, Changes gives kids a biblical perspective on puberty and the changes that are happening to their bodies. As an early “bloomer” myself, I want my kids to be equipped with security about their bodies and who God made them to be, so they understand how to deal with these changes when they come.
Relationships is the final book in the series. I must admit, this one provides an incredible foundation for sexual temptations and desires I WISH my parents had given me. You’ll want it on your family bookshelf to use between ages 11-14.
Get Some Accountability in Your Home
Talking about these issues is the first big step in helping you protect your kids. The second is to get some accountability. I can NOT stress this enough. I often meet parents who share horror stories with me about how they found inappropriate images or sites on their computers. I promise you, it happens LONG before you would ever expect it. Not to mention, we as adults should be holding each other accountable on this topic.
I highly recommend Covenant Eyes. It’s an internet filtering software you can use at home and on all of your family’s devices. You get a regular report of activity which gives you the perfect opportunity to have discussions with your kids about danger zones on the internet.
PLEASE, don’t neglect this step. You can’t ever erase images from your mind. Don’t wait until you already know you have a problem. It’s so much more difficult.
Need some help navigating the internet with children? Covenant Eyes has produced an incredible FREE ebook to help. Grab your copy today!