I sat at the picnic table flipping through my Bible study when the two ladies walked up. My kids were playing on the playground happily and I was enjoying a little time in the Word. I smiled a hello and went back to my reading. But the moms couldn’t get over it. Convinced that I was a bad mom they gawked at my behavior. I watched as they stood closely to their tots and helped them navigate the playground, occasionally glaring back at my freakish behavior.
I chuckled to myself as I marveled at the differences between first borns and forth borns, but realized that perhaps it also had something to do with how different we are as moms. As a mom, I’ve always seen the value in training my children to work independently in all things. In fact I sincerely doubt that I have ever been dubbed the hovering kind of mom. Even when I just had one child.
Maybe it’s years of classroom experience or maybe it’s just my personality, but training my kids to be independent comes naturally to me.
Why would we want independent learners?
- Thinking for yourself makes the learning your own. It creates your own moral compass. It’s no longer what mama said, but what the child believes for him/herself. This is crucial for helping your children stay close to God when they leave home. Whether that’s a sleep over with a friend or a college dorm, they won’t heed mama’s words. They will remember God’s truth that has been hidden in their hearts and molded into their character.
- Employers don’t like to babysit…employers need independent thinkers and workers to get the job done. There is nothing more annoying than an employee who is at your desk every 5 minutes with a new problem. Teach your kids to solve those problems, so they will be desirable in the workplace.
- Time is precious. Let’s face it. No one has a bunch of extra time floating around. Why spend your time babysitting menial tasks when you could be enjoying your child? It’s so much more fun to do a science experiment together than to fill your time reading a worksheet to your 4th grader, right? I’d much rather teach them to be independent so that I can use my energy for the things that they really need me for.
- Further learning: when you teach a child to be an independent learner, it becomes a natural habit. After her school “assignments” have been completed, you will often find my 8 year old creating assignments of her own. She knows how to learn something new and pursues her interests even without prompting from me. Of course, this is not a guarantee. Some children are naturally more bent toward certain things. But regardless, I think you will find that your child pursues knowledge as he/she gets older.
So what’s the secret to developing independent learners?
Developing independent learners begins with home responsibilities. Start with simple things that don’t cause potential injury…let them put on their own clothes. Who cares if it takes an hour? Let them carry in a bag of groceries. Who cares if only one can is in the bag? This not only encourages helpfulness and investment in the family, it develops that sense of responsibility later. Ya know, so you don’t have that teenager who is sure that mom is going to do it for him. Amy at Raising Arrows has an excellent list of Teaching Kitchen Skills by age that might give you some ideas.
Here are some things to keep in mind as you are developing those independent learners:
Keep your hands off
Don’t be afraid
First of all, Christ did not give us a spirit of fear. Your sweet baby might fall off of the swings. He might get the problems wrong on that math sheet. But we can’t prevent failure. Of course it’s wise to be safe, but once you’ve taught your kids, revert to #1…keep your hands off. Don’t live in a state of fear over what might be.
Ask a lot of questions
What do YOU think the Bible says about that? As the parent, there is always room to bring out the Bible and show them exactly what it says. But allowing them to think about it and process it creates a habit for later. Ya know, when a friend invites them to take a sniff of some little white powder. You won’t be there then and don’t you want his/her first thought to be- what does the Bible say about this?
If it’s not a moral issue, still ask questions. Instead of telling your child that word that she can’t read, ask her to tell you some ways that she might figure it out. Probe with your own questions to get her thinking about a possible solution.The more you do this with the little guys, the more easily you will find them taking responsibility for their school work.
Make Lists
Make your child responsbile for completion. At age 8, my daughter is expected to do her school work for the week without my supervision. I help her with several assignments, but I DO NOT check her assignment list to see what she has completed. She is responsible for that. Does she always do it? Nope. But on Friday night when I check it, I hold her accountable. She will be completing what she didn’t do (or what she did poorly) over the weekend when she could be playing. No nagging during the week to get it done. Period. Once I instituted the Saturday completion rule, we didn’t have trouble getting the list done again. (My 7 year old is also help to this standard.)
Now my 5 year old is different. He is responsible for checkign the sheet off, but can’t read all the words on it yet. So he must ask me or his sister to help with that. I check his at the end of each school day, as it would be far too frustrating for him to get behind. (I also work with him on most assignments at least to some extent, so I am fairly aware of how things are going.)
I use Scholaric homeschool planner for my lists. Below is a typical sheet for my 8 year old.
Look for curriculum that doesn’t involve constant mom time.
This one can be a challenge. I want curriculum that is solid and useful for educating my children, but doesn’t require me to sit and babysit them through the entire process, especially after about 2nd grade. I want to be a resource and an educator, not a person who spoon feeds them tiny bites. This is especially crucial if you are a homeschooling mom who also works from home. Time is limited and it’s wonderful if you don’t have a needy curriculum pressing down on you.
A few resources…
Workboxes are a popular choice for families with multiple kids. This is one of many great posts about how they work.
Another post written by Amy of Raising Arrows, shares how she Raises Independent Learners with an index cards system.
Got little ones? Check out this free printable for Reading Directions with Independence.
From the Trenches…
Kristen shares: I have a notebook for each kid and what they need to accomplish each day. Some things are timed, like reading, and they are responsible for setting their own timer (3rd and 2nd graders).
Julie shares: I use a list on a dry erase board for my older kids. I used thin black tape to divide up the board and add subjects. I fill in their work for the day (or you could do it weekly) and they erase it when completed and I say they can. It helps me see how much work they still have to do. Also, helps them see what their siblings are doing and motivates to keep working.
Anitra shares: My seven year old questions everything all the time. When questions come up, I ask him his thoughts about the subject, we discuss his hypothesis and then he goes to find a book or google the answers. If it’s something science related, we often look at you tube for a cool video about the subject.
Rebecca shares: I begin when they are little…with small things they can play with. I get them started and when they are ‘in the midst’ I walk a few feet away, where I can hear and see and so can they. Then, I build up from there. Lot more to it but, it’s a great way to build them into that and grow it into reading.
Your turn…what works in your home for creating independent learners?
Kim Sorgius
Kim is just a girl, crazy in love with Jesus. She's a single mother of 4, a passionate homeschooler and life-long student. After teaching 8 years in public school, she traded her M.A. in Early Childhood for sippy cups and homeschool co-ops. Kim is the owner and editor of The Homeschool Village and Not Consumed where she encourages others to rest victoriously in the hands of God, rather than allowing life's difficult circumstances to consume.
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Thanks for sharing this. I guess I was under the impression as a homeschooling mom that I needed more direct interaction with his work, but that seemed to just be frustrating both of us. I guess I am raising an independent person because he sure has an opinion about everything.
He has done much better since I have not been hovering over him and he can choose the order and where he completes his work…which has lately been in his bedroom with the radio on. I just want him to learn. I’m scared that he isn’t getting what he needs. I think my brain is so wrapped around traditional learning that this homeschooling thing is unnerving. I don’t have much support in my family nor area to glean from so these posts help me tremendously. I appreciate the experiences that you share. God Bless!
I understand your concerns, Leah. In fact, I think that many homeschoolers struggle to let go of the traditional feel of “school.” As a former classroom teacher, this is also one of my struggles. Just remember, the classroom is full of things that are not necessary at home. Such as time spent learning to line up. Time standing in line to sharpen your pencil and group bathroom breaks. Homeschool is different and don’t we want it that way? (I mean, there is a reason that we are homeschooling, right?)
Learning occurs naturally, if you let it. In the car on the way to the dentist, on a walk to the creek, or at a homeschool room table. All children learn in different ways. God created them with interests and strengths that aren’t the same as others. Personally, I love music. When I write, I need music. I can’t think without it. Others probably think that is crazy.
It works for me.
Don’t fret, my friend, you can’t mess him up. God’s sovereign over that! Please don’t hesitate to ask questions. I’m happy to help in any way that I can.
Thanks for the encouragement. That is so funny…he has to have music/adventures in odyssey/jonathan park in the background while he is working or playing. That is so opposite of me where I have to have quiet while I am reading/concentrating. Guess that is why it is hard for me to find how to help him. I am taking all the suggestions in!!!
Thanks so much for writing this article. I really needed it. Going to print it off so I can refer to it often.( ’cause I will probably need lots of reminding). Habits are hard to break.
May God richly bless this awesome ministry you have.
Oh girl, I hear that. Why are habits so hard to break??
You should see the reminders on my fridge!
This is an awesome resource- thank you! As a child I was a super independent learner/player, and apparently so was my husband so I look forward to raising our kids to be independent as well. I think it’s always hard (especially for my type A personality) to not try and control everything and to just walk away and let things happen the way they should. That’s the way we all learn though
Have you ever read Free Range Kids (http://www.freerangekids.com/)? It’s mind boggling how many stupid rules are made in the US and how many things are banned because of irrational fears of helicopter parents.
I grew up with one.
Maybe that’s how I came out on the other side?? But God has graciously broken me of that and taught me to let my kids enjoy life and His creation. We take walks in the woods, carefully, but unafraid of the possible danger. I loved the Free Range Kids site tagline- not worrying about the perils of a non-organic grape. So funny. So true!
So I know you’re post went way deeper than this, but at what age did you just turn the kiddos loose on the playground. Mine is 20 months and I’m starting to spend more time on the bench…and getting those looks…haha! I’m definitely excited to hear that your kiddos are fairly independent learners after 2nd grade. That is one of my concerns about homeschooling…I don’t know that I have the fortitude to sit there and walk my kiddos through each simple lesson. Especially when there are multiple kids!
Thanks for linking up with WIP!
MB
The playground is a tricky thing. First borns are usually not independent as quickly. They don’t have examples and there is not a sibling nearby to rescue them either. My little guy is 2. We go to the playground often. He has been on his own on the playground since a little before his 2nd birthday. BUT, that playground is not too tall and doesn’t contain a lot of high slides or drop offs. Also, he has three older siblings on the playground that are always nearby. One other thing to consider is the ground. Is it rubber? If so, a fall will be minor. If it’s mulch or dirt- stay closer, as fall could injury much more easily.
As for homeschooling, independent work is key to having multiple ages! Momma time will always be more concentrated on the little ones that aren’t yet reading. The others can teach them self so much of what I want them to learn! Also, you can choose a core method of history, science, and Bible. I only teach Math and Reading on individual levels. Everything else is done as a group. Obviously each one gets out of it what they can. Some write about it, some don’t. Some listen to the whole story, some wander off. But it is not necessary to have separate texts for each child in these subjects. Take heart, homeschooling is very manageable, friend!
I love this! You are a smart mama! I have been training my children to be independent from the time they were born – I was raised that way myself. I do occasionally get those weird looks, too, but I’m always proud of what my children can accomplish on their own.
Great article. We are firm believers in growing independent kids. My 8th graders are in charge of their schoolwork, and getting it done independently – which our curriculum AOP Monarch supports. I still oversee school, and help when needed obviously, but I love the fact they take responsibility for getting their work done.
Here from the Hop.
I’m a controller (not so much a helicopter parent), so it’s hard for me to step back with things like schoolwork. I do desire independent learners, though, so I’m working on it! My oldest is just 4, but I’m trying to be purposeful about stepping back while he does certain school work. He is easily distracted, so I like to be right there keeping him on track, but I know it’s good for him to learn by trying and failing. Thanks for this encouragement today! Great post. Thanks for linking up to Trivium Tuesdays!
What curricular do you recommend for 6th and 3rd graders that will encourage independent learning? Any/all subject advise welcome.
I would be happy to offer up suggestions, but need to know a little more about your family. How long have you been homeschooling? Are these children boys/girls? Do you prefer textbooks, workbooks, notebooks, or living books? Do you have any idea what I am talking about?
Would you say that you have a particular homeschooling method? Have you ever evaluated your children’s learning styles?
Thank you for this post! This is our 4th year homeschooling (I have a 7 & 3 yr old), and this school year has been extra busy for me. My 7 yr old has been doing school pretty much completely on her own and I’ve wondered if that’s okay or if I should be focusing on her more during school time. It is very nice that I can have my pre-schooler “help” me with things around the house while my 7 yr old studies. It’s also nice that my 7 yr old can do her schoolwork in the car or at my office… But I worry about whether or not that’s the best. I have to remember that it’s okay for our family to not look like other homeschooling families. Thank you again!
Stopped over because a friend linked this post on Facebook & it comes at the perfect time as I am struggling with my five year old over how much time do I need to be actually sitting down with him, helping him out. He gets very distracted & wants to be wherever his little sister and I am…. I tried to get away the other day, to do stuff in the house, and he followed me with his explode the code book! And then I question myself, am I being a “bad momma” for leaving?! But I shouldn’t ‘need’ to sit and watch him when I’ve explained what he needs to do and/or he- himself- knows what to do…. right?! Lol. I would also love love love to see a post on curriculums that inspire independent learning. Thanks for this post!
I just wanted to thank you for this post. I spend park time much as you do and I get the same looks – it makes me laugh. I also have 2 friends who constantly spend time counting my kids when we are with them. While I do keep my eyes on my kids and I know where they are, I have found that they are the best to check on each other – they don’t get away with much with other brothers there! I love to hear someone else gets “the look”! I’m new to your site and have really enjoyed looking around.
I would love to link this article on my new HS blog. Is that ok?
Alice,
You are welcome to share and I would be honored. However, please be sure that you don’t copy and paste any part of my article, as that kills SEO. You are free to use my picture as long as you provide a link back to this page on my site. Blessings to you!
Thank you! This is JUST what I was looking for! I appreciate your encouraging words and the way you manage to share things that work for you with out sounding like “this is the right way, if you are doing anything else you’re doing it wrong”. I love the attitude of , so it takes an hour, so what? This is exactly what I needed! BLESS YOU!