Why Good Kids Lose Their Faith (And How You Can Help)

What is the #1 thing you want for your kids? Is it good grades? A successful career? A great spouse? Do you want them to be the next Michael Jordan or as rich as Elon Musk? Maybe you want your kids to be kind to others and do the right thing.

Parents spend a lot of time helping kids work toward these goals. We push them academically, buying the best curriculum or sending them to the top schools. We drag them to the ball field to yet another practice to sharpen their skills. We even give our kids consequences for unkindness or disobedience.

But have you ever stopped to consider whether these things are actually the most important to you? When I asked myself this question, there was one clear answer and it wasn’t any of those things that I just listed.

What I want most for my kids is FAITH! I want them to please God in every part of their lives. Maybe you’d say the same.

They can have good grades, a successful career, and all the money in the world, but without faith, our kids are doomed to a life without Christ, an eternity in hell. They are even hopeless if all I teach them is kindness and obedience.

The Bible says it like this in Eph 2:8-9: “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.”

Good grades have never once gotten someone into heaven. A successful career will mean nothing at those pearly gates. Even kindness and obedience fall short. FAITH is the key to salvation and eternal life. In our culture, so many parents spend their time and energy helping their kids achieve all of the wrong goals and very little time on the right ones.

What if we flipped the script and instead helped our kids have faith and GROW in that faith? Today I want to share 5 steps to helping your kids GROW in faith. I don’t just mean praying the sinner’s prayer or making a decision and then checking it off as “fire insurance” either. We need to get beyond that and learn what true faith really looks like and how to grow it in our lives.

My Story

I grew up in the church pew. We attended 3 services a week and participated in every event offered. I walked the aisle during an invitation when I was 6 years old and “asked Jesus into my heart” as many of you may have. But that was it.

For 12 years after that day, I still attended church 3 times a week. Then I went to college. It barely took a semester to undo my entire childhood in the pew. By Christmas, I wasn’t going to church much and by the end of my freshman year, my life choices were… let’s just say, no one would have accused me of being a Christian.

At first, life was just fine. But eventually, as life brought trials and storms my way (as it always does), I began to realize that my faith was shallow at best. I spent some rough years trying to figure it all out, and that is something I didn’t want for my kids.

Here’s the reality: We need more than a sinner’s prayer. It doesn’t just stop there. We need a GROWING faith as we do life in this world. That growth starts the minute you pray that prayer and shouldn’t stop until we meet Jesus.

1. Learn to Trust God with All Things

This was the first and most difficult lesson I learned as a young adult. It’s something we see the people in the Bible learning too. In fact, if you read down the hall of faith in Hebrews you see a LOT of people who learned to trust God along the way. They weren’t perfect. In fact, some of them failed quite a bit, but they GREW in faith as they trusted God with difficult and even crazy situations.

As each hero had faith and trusted God, they grew closer to Him. God works the same way in our lives. Faith is the secret ingredient to a closer relationship with Christ. But often faith isn’t as pretty as we think it should be.

James 1:2-4 tells us: “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”

It’s interesting that the testing of our faith produces steadfastness. You know what that means, right? If God is giving it to us, we are going to need that steadfastness. You’ll see why in step #4.

As we study the book of James, we can help our kids to see how God defines faith. James shows us:

• How to find joy in the trials of life, which lead to faith.
• How to resist temptation.
• How to have authentic faith by DOING what God tells us to do.
• How to make our faith active–showing others how God is at work in our lives.

James also shows us how to have humility and compassion as we grow in faith.

PRACTICAL APPLICATION:
Create a Family Prayer Journal: List concerns or prayer requests, then record how God answers over time. This visual reminder builds trust. It’s amazing how easily we forget God’s faithfulness to us. Sometimes it even passes by unnoticed!

2. Obey with Your Heart

Obedience is a taboo word in our culture today, but God takes it very seriously. This is one thing churches are pretty good at teaching us. Obey. Do the right thing. I was pretty good at this as a teenager–well, on the outside anyway.

I wanted people to think I was a good girl and that I obeyed both my mom and God. I wouldn’t say that I purposely lived a double life. I just found that what I did behind closed doors was not consistent with what I did when others were watching. I think this is true for a lot of Christian kids. We get really good at hiding our sins so others won’t find out. What we often don’t teach kids is the other side of the coin.

A study of 1 & 2 Samuel gives us a bird’s eye view of what faith looks like when it comes to obedience. God gives us examples like Hannah and Samuel to remind us that He wants us to have faith in Him alone. When King Saul half-heartedly obeys God by not waiting for Samuel and by not destroying the Amalekites, we see that God doesn’t consider this obedience at all. In 1 Samuel 16:6-7 God says He isn’t concerned with outward appearance, but instead cares about our heart.

This is what makes the future king David so unique. You’d think he would be a strong warrior who was perfect in every way. But a journey through 1 & 2 Samuel shows you otherwise. He wasn’t the tallest or strongest. As you keep reading, you’ll see he made many mistakes.

So why was David called a man after God’s own heart? We see the answer in 1 Samuel 13:14 when Saul was removed as king. We also see the answer lived out through each account in David’s life. We don’t see a man who never sinned, but we see a man who always wanted to please God. Even when he failed, David had a heart to make it right.

I find this encouraging. Even when we want to obey God and keep His commandments, we are going to fail. But that’s not exactly what He’s after. God looks at our hearts. I’ve started reminding my kids to “obey with your heart.” My prayer is that this will help them when they struggle with doing the right thing when no one is looking.

PRACTICAL APPLICATION:
Have Heart Check Conversations: When discussing obedience, ask children “Why do you think God wants this from us?” or “Are your actions pleasing God or pleasing self” rather than just “Did you do it?” This helps them internalize obedience and consider it from a spiritual point of view rather than just an outward action. But don’t expect perfection. Your kids will struggle and that leads to one of the coolest things we get to do as parents—come alongside them in the struggle and point them to Christ.

3. Learn to Discern Lies from Truth by Getting Wisdom

The enemy has been lying to people since the Garden of Eden. Have you ever thought about how easy it must have been for Adam and Eve? There were just two trees and one rule. But they still bought the lie.

In today’s culture, there are more lies than truth. Men are identifying as women. People are even identifying as goats. Our culture has abandoned any thoughts of “truth” and adopted the idea of “your truth.”

Our kids are desperate for wisdom! In fact, I believe our faith depends on our diligence to gain wisdom. We need to discern the truth in this world. We need this wisdom to discern the many decisions we make in life.

Are we teaching our kids where to get this wisdom? This is where the book of Proverbs comes in. We learn that God will give us wisdom in Proverbs 9:10. We also learn the value of wisdom, as well as what happens when we make choices without God’s wisdom. Most importantly Proverbs 4 gives us a path to becoming wise.

I love that God doesn’t leave us on our own. He will give us wisdom when we call to Him, which is a really good thing, because sometimes we are faced with things that we don’t know how to handle.

PRACTICAL APPLICATION:
Aside from equipping your kids for regular time in God’s Word, encourage questioning: Let them ask hard questions. Model how to seek answers in Scripture, from trusted Christian mentors, and through prayer.

4. Get Fired Up so You Can Stand Firm

You probably know the accounts of Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, but have you ever spent much time thinking about the background of their stories? We have to go back to the history books for that. These 4 men were taken captive into Babylon, right? Were they taken alone? Nope. The Bible tells us that the whole nation was taken captive. I think this is important to keep in mind when you consider their story.

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego are told to bow down to the idol that the king made. The Bible tells us in Daniel 3:7 that all the people bowed down except for Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. Think about that for a minute. These men were likely young, maybe even 16 or 17 years old. Their families and neighbors had all been brought into captivity with them, and THEY bowed down.

We think about how incredible it was that these men trusted God so much they were willing to stand for what was right, but we might not even realize that they did so when absolutely no one else would—EVEN their families, people who were followers of God!

I had to think about this in 2020 when Covid happened. Did you know anyone who refused to get vaccinated or wear a mask? Maybe. But you probably saw FAR more people who were complying. Churches around the country didn’t meet for months because they were told by the government not to.

I know we all learned a big lesson from that year, but to me, it makes the fiery furnace story all the more powerful. Everyone around them bowed down. But they stood firm. I doubt it will get easier to stand firm in our culture. Our kids must grow in faith so they can stand for what is right. Studying the book of Daniel is a good place to start.

Teach your kids what it looks like to respectfully request a different option, like Daniel did when the king wanted him to eat the meat. Our kids will need great wisdom to do this, just like Daniel had. They will also need consistency. It was easy for Daniel to keep praying even when the king made a law against it. Why? Because he was faithful to pray 3 times a day every day. Consistency is a great tool to help grow our faith. We also have to remember the first thing we talked about.

Trusting God is essential if we are going to stand firm in faith, even if we don’t know what will happen. I love what Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego told the king in Daniel 3:17-18: “If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.”

I’d call that fervent faith, and it’s the exact recipe our kids need!

PRACTICAL APPLICATION:
Focus on Scripture memory. Teach your kids key passages in the Bible to equip them for anything life throws their way. Start with foundational verses and gradually build up to longer passages, creating a strong biblical foundation they can draw from when faced with challenges.

5. Seek to Follow Jesus and Become More Like Him

Do you remember those “WWJD” bracelets? Kids wore them as a reminder before considering their actions: “What would Jesus do?”

Once we make a decision to follow Christ, Jesus says to take up our cross and follow Him (Matthew 16). This is what faith looks like when it’s lived out in our lives. Do you remember back in preschool when you played follow the leader? One person would be in the front and everyone would get in line behind that person. One by one, kids would follow the leader by doing exactly what he or she did.

That’s a great picture of what the Christian walk is like. Once we accept Christ as our Savior, the rest of our life is a daily call to follow Him by becoming more like Him every single day.

When we study Luke, we see clearly what this means. We are called to:

• Tell others the good news
• Make disciples
• Show compassion
• Pursue wisdom
• Pray
• Have faith
• Sacrifice for others

I know those bracelets aren’t cool anymore, but practically speaking, it’s not a bad idea. Before you act or react, teach kids to ask themselves “what would Jesus do.” It’s a compelling way to redirect our own fleshly responses.

A Final Word

Remember, everything we do as parents should point our children back to Christ. Whether it’s trusting God with challenges, obeying from the heart, seeking wisdom daily, standing firm under pressure, or following Jesus in practical ways—this is how we raise kids who are Not Consumed by the world.

Let’s keep encouraging one another and growing in faith, one step at a time. Until next time, stay rooted in God’s Word and stand strong in the faith!

What step will you focus on first with your children? Share your thoughts in the comments below!