Behavior Problems Are Belief Problems: How Knowing the Attributes of God Changes Everything
Have you ever considered that behavior problems are actually belief problems? Read more to find out how knowing the attributes of God will help!
When I was a kid, I grew up in the state of Florida, which is famous for its oranges. In our yard, we had a massive orange tree with a massive problem. Although the tree looked healthy, much of its fruit was sour. In fact, my mom used to make lemonade from the oranges it produced! We could have tried to “fix” the tree by duct-taping new fruit on or sugar-coating the bad fruit. But this tree produced bad fruit because a freeze had damaged its root system. The only way to fix the fruit would have been to fix the root.
This same principle is true spiritually. The Bible compares our behavior to fruit and teaches that the behavior we produce comes from the root of what we believe about God. Growing up in church, it’s extremely easy for kids to believe God is real while knowing very little about who God really is. This leads to a vicious cycle. If we don’t know who God is, we won’t think He’s a valuable treasure. If we don’t think He’s a valuable treasure, we won’t seek Him. If we don’t seek Him, we won’t know Him. And if we don’t know Him, we’ll produce bad fruit.
As you lead your family spiritually, it’s important to be belief doctors instead of behavior police.
How can you help your kids learn the attributes of God so that biblical beliefs produce biblical behavior?
4 Ways to Help Kids Learn God’s Attributes:
Present God as a treasure to value instead of a rule book to follow
When we view God incorrectly (as though He’s an angry deity trying to ruin our lives), we’re not very motivated to seek Him. That’s why Hebrews 11:6 tells us that to seek God in faith, we have to believe that He is a rewarder. Just as the reward for seeking diamonds is finding diamonds, the reward for seeking God is finding God. When kids view God as an oppressive obligation, they only go to church and read their Bible because they’re forced to. But when they view God as a treasure worthy of their pursuit, they will seek Him out of desire instead of duty. We were created to need God because only in Him can we have a content heart. Presenting God as a treasure to value will inspire your kids to seek Him and find the reward their hearts are longing for.
Anchor their identity in God’s character
We all constantly talk to ourselves about ourselves, and outside voices speak into our lives, telling us what to say. Many kids live in a cesspool of mental negativity that causes anxiety, depression, or insecurity. But a Christian is defined by what God says about them, not what anyone else says about them. Furthermore, what God says about them is a result of who He is (not what they do or how they look). Whether a child is overconfident or insecure, they need to be anchored in who God is to know who they are. Developing an understanding of their biblical identity will help them overcome negative or inaccurate self-talk.
Connect behavior problems to belief problems
When kids are misbehaving, it’s easy to jump into behavior modification solutions. But more important than WHAT a kid is doing wrong is WHY they are doing it. Whether the wrong behavior is an emotion (anxiety, depression, worry, anger, etc.) or an action (rebellion, disrespect, lying, etc.), everything we think and do is a result of what we believe about God. So if you can identify a wrong belief that is driving their wrong behavior, you can then help them fix the wrong belief and come up with a much longer-lasting solution. (By the way—the best strategy for doing this isn’t to preach a sermon! Ask questions to help them identify the wrong belief and plan a solution on their own. That will be much more successful!)
Teach attributes of God in everyday life
Learning God’s attributes is a lifelong study! You can help your kids on this journey by looking for opportunities to teach God’s character in ordinary life situations. From small things (like not getting a toy they wanted) to big things (like a grandparent passing away), we can teach our kids to look for God in our daily lives. One of the most difficult but basic things children need to learn is how to trust God each day. Much of the worry, disappointment, and frustration they experience in life can be helped by knowing who God is. When they learn that a good God with their best interest in mind is working everything out for their good and His glory, it will help them trust Him as they learn to navigate the difficulties of life.
Resources to help
God’s attributes are one of the most important and rewarding things to study, and we’ve made it easy for you to do! We wrote Immeasurable Treasure: A Bible Study on God’s Character to help you make exploring God’s attributes a habit. You can go through this as a family and begin discovering who God really is so you can learn to trust Him with your life. This study examines an individual attribute of God each day that you can talk about as a family and apply to your lives. You’ll be amazed at how situations in your life will match up perfectly with what you’re learning together in the study. (But if your oven breaks on the day you learn “God is good”—don’t blame us!)
Through practical tools & Bible-based resources, Kim Sorgius is dedicated to helping your family GROW in faith so you can be Not Consumed by life’s struggles. Author of popular kid’s devotional Bible studies and practical homeschooling tools, Kim has a master’s degree in education and curriculum design coupled with over 2 decades of experience working with kids and teens. Above all, her most treasured job is mother and homeschool teacher of four amazing kiddos.
I have to say I am a bit disturbed by this post. Not only is there very little scripture to support it, it is very close minded and judgmental to kids who have sincere struggles like ADHD, Autism, etc. I can continue to teach my child Biblical truths and hold them accountable to the Character of God we should strive for, without being obtuse to the fact that some kids aren’t displaying “bad behavior” because they don’t believe, or as you could interpret this post, don’t believe hard enough. It’s like telling a person with anxiety they aren’t praying hard enough.
Some more scripture as well as mental and behavioral health knowledge and examples and understanding would go a long way.
Sometimes behavior problems are belief problems, but sometimes they are not. Like Heather mentioned, sometimes behavior “problems” result from sincere struggles our child might be having. (Not to mention, are we any different as adults?). Other times, behavior “problems” result from the natural and normal immaturity of children. Maturity grows slowly over time, and is different for each person. Additionally, there are even other times where behavior “problems” are an indication of other issues: perhaps a conflict with a sibling/relative/friend, perhaps maltreatment or abuse by another person (typically an adult, but not always). These are true not only of children, but also adults. Having correct beliefs are important, but whether or not we have them now: Jesus is the same and when he has saves us, we are still saved. And if only life were that easy and simple, that having correct beliefs fixed all our problems.