How to Find Thankfulness When Life Is Hard
God has already got this and every other trial figured out. There’s nothing to fear. Let this post help you find thankfulness and peace during a crisis.
It was 4am on Saturday. Exactly 3 days after the morning our lives were forever changed.
The overhead light in our fish-bowl PICU room was dim, but Luke was wide awake. (Can’t say I blame him after they stuck a needle in his arm for “routine lab work.” Not to mention, he had been in bed since Wednesday so what does the clock really mean at this point?)
Oh, sorry. Let me back up and start from the beginning. It was a typical Wednesday morning. I was standing in the bathroom frantically trying to get ready for the day. The girls were in the kitchen packing lunches for co-op and Nathan was still sleeping. On last account, my youngest son, Luke, was playing with his iPad in my bed. He had always been the first up and today had been no exception.
I don’t know when he got out of my bed or what he was doing when the screaming started. His little feet came barreling down the hall and he was clutching his head like a football. His cries were hysterical as if he had busted his head open and blood was spilling everywhere. I tried to get him to tell me what happened (imagining some sort of sibling squabble and honestly feeling annoyed). But he couldn’t get the words out.
He left the bathroom screaming and running around the house. The clock was ticking. The girls needed to leave in 10 minutes. I had an appointment that I needed to be presentable for and there was a little boy screaming in a way that pricked concern, but came with no explanation.
My heart raced from the stress and my mind was desperately trying to work everything out. Is this a big deal? Should I try to finish getting ready? Why on earth is he screaming like that? Should I still take the girls to co-op? Should I just go to the ER?
A panicked scream from my oldest daughter interrupted my thoughts. “Mom, he’s throwing up everywhere.”
It was one of those moments that probably would have meant nothing to the average mom, but my personal experience knew better. Instantly my mind went to our dear friend Joseph. At age 9, Joseph was taken to the hospital with severe headaches and the outcome was everyone’s worst nightmare: a tumor (you can read his whole story here).
As a family friend, I recall fuzzy details of those early days: the surgeries, chemo/radiation, visiting him in the hospital, even stocking the family’s fridge with healthy foods when they returned home. I would have never told you that my most prominent memory was the headaches. Well, not until that Wednesday morning.
We went immediately to the pediatrician. By that point, Luke was not looking so good. The headache seemed to have subsided some, but the vomiting did not. His vitals were ok, but he was very lethargic and had already had one seizure.
The doctor called EMS and the whirlwind of medical intervention began. Within an hour, we had already had a CAT scan, MRI, and been admitted to the PICU. The neurosurgeon was confident that the ugly mass on his labs was a brain tumor.
The next morning we had another test to double-check location and diagnosis. Then the surgery was scheduled for 8am the next day. The 3.5 hour surgery would have been an eternity if it hadn’t been for family, friends, and distracting conversation.
For brain surgery, it couldn’t have gone better. There was no excess bleeding. No damage. And most, if not all, of the tumor was removed. As I sat there just 24 hours post-op in a recliner sort of “bed” contraption staring at a huge scar and a little boy who just wanted to play with LEGOs (even if it was 4am), I tried to hold my emotions together. He tried to put together simple LEGOs, but failed. So he moved to his iPad and eventually settled to watching TV. He could manage about 10-15 minutes awake before suddenly falling asleep.
Everything Changed
As I watched him, the reality of it all had finally sunk in. Nothing would ever be the same again. Emotions invaded places I had forgotten existed. As our child-life specialist reminded me, knowledge isn’t always a good thing and I knew too much.
I had walked alongside two good friends who had heard that big ugly “c” word. I knew about the week long hospital stays for every fever, the traumatic oncology procedures, and the life-long side effects of radiation/chemo. I had watched one friend deal with the trauma of the loss of vital functions her daughter would never regain as a result of radiation. And had watched the other bury her son after four long years of fighting.
Yeah, I knew too much. The reality of the situation wasn’t lost on me. Although we didn’t yet know what pathology would reveal, I knew the statistics. I knew the likelihood of a long and ugly fight no matter how favorable the outcome.
I opened my journal and began to write a list of things I was thankful for. It seems strange now even writing that I did such a thing given the circumstances, but I had been here before and I knew how to stay focused.
You see, our family is no stranger to hard things. We know storms and trials in an intimate way. We’ve walked through abandonment, betrayal, divorce, 7-week hospital stays, multiple surgeries, and 2 miscarriages.
If there is anything I’ve learned from the hard things it’s that God is always ONLY good and He can always ALWAYS be trusted. I’ve learned that we will always look back on the journey and remember how gracious and merciful God has been to us… if we are willing to. So that morning, I penned the words of Isaiah 63:7 into my journal from memory.
Underneath the verse, I began to recount…
Is it cancer?
The biggest question we face now is about that big “c” word. Or so we all thought anyway. As it turns out, cancer isn’t really the topic of discussion when it comes to brain tumors. It’s more like a real estate conversation. Location. Location. Location. After that, we are most worried about what’s inside the “house” otherwise known as the cell type (and its aggression level).
Today we had our first of many appointments with the pediatric neuro-oncologist. It wasn’t the best of news, but it also wasn’t the worst. He has an astrocytoma brain tumor, often referred to as JPA for short. Typically these tumors are low-grade because they grow slowly. Unfortunately, that is not the case with Luke. Although we don’t yet know to what extent, we know his is faster growing and that’s of some concern. The tumor was sent off to the Mayo Clinic for further study. We are certain chemo will be needed, but to what extent is presently unknown.
I left today’s appointment with a million things to add to my journal.
Trust me, I’m well aware that you can read a list like that and think I’m crazy. 7 years ago, I would have agreed with you. Back then I knew God was the answer to our problems and I knew how to pray to get help when the first hard things came flooding into our lives with the destruction and force of a tornado. But real faith was something I hadn’t even scratched the surface of.
Throughout these years, God has shown us His faithfulness even in the littlest of things. He’s held my hand through all the hardest parts. By day, He commanded His steadfast love over us and by night His song was with us (Psalm 42:8).
What are we going to do now?
So I end this post with a challenge for you. Today, even when it’s hard, recount the blessings God has been so faithful to bestow upon you. One at a time, day by day, even the little things will bring great joy to your heart… because God is always ONLY good and we can trust that. Harder days are coming for us that include things none of us really can predict and I imagine that to be true for most of you out there reading this, too. But God is unchanging even in the darkest of unknowns. He is faithful 100% of the time and without fail.
There’s nothing to fear. Nothing to worry about. Nothing to cry or throw tantrums about (although feeling emotional is totally ok). Our unchanging, merciful, gracious, forever-loving, and never-forsaking God has already got this (and every other trial) figured out. Our only job is to walk the path carefully laid out before us with our eyes fixed on Him and our hearts full of the kind of trust that carries us from faith to faith.
Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen. (Ephesians 3:20 ESV)
**If you’d like to receive more frequent updates on Luke’s progress, read prayer requests, and be encouraged by our journey, you may join this Facebook group. I will update there more frequently than posting here on the blog. Your support is a blessing to us. Thank you!
Through practical tools & Bible-based resources, Kim Sorgius is dedicated to helping your family GROW in faith so you can be Not Consumed by life’s struggles. Author of popular kid’s devotional Bible studies and practical homeschooling tools, Kim has a master’s degree in education and curriculum design coupled with over 2 decades of experience working with kids and teens. Above all, her most treasured job is mother and homeschool teacher of four amazing kiddos.
I’m so sorry. I can’t even imagine how awful that must be. *hugs and prayers* God’s not done yet. Hang in there
Oh Kim! I am a HUGE Ann Voskamp fan and have learned so much from her about this very topic.
May God be with you so closely ….and your precious kiddos.
My daughter was diagnosed with a rare tumor similar to JPA 5.5 years ago when she was just three months old. My heart goes out to you as you start this crazy journey. Gratitude changes everything. When my daughter was diagnosed, we were handed the business card of our local hospice. No chemo, no care plan, just a phone number. I am so grateful that, while she has deficits, she is a fiery, little blessing who will (God-willing) celebrate her 6th birthday in January. What grace and mercy He has given us! Your perspective in the sovereignty and goodness of God is already a blessing. He has given grace for you to know Him and His goodness in ALL things – even these hard things. Blessings to you and prayers.
Praise the Lord. He is so good! I will pray for you and your family.
I will pray for you and your family. I am glad to hear you have a great support system.
What a post for you! I am praying for your son and your family. You have such an amazing outlook and I pray you will know–and feel–Jesus holding you tightly. 🙂
We are praying for you and your family! What a true example of living in the light. May God continue to keep you in peace, use you in the lives of others during this time, and strengthen your heart. Your struggle will not be in vain. You have already blessed so many – our family being one of them.
Praying for you and your family!! Your faith and love for the Lord is so encouraging!
I am so sorry, you and your family will be in my prayers.
Thank you for sharing Kim and reminding me that there is ALWAYS something to thank Gid for in every situation we find ourselves. I will be praying for your son Luke and for your whole family. I am excited to see what God is going to do but my heart aches for this deeply hard place you are in right now. Love in Christ.
Your children are so lucky to have you as a mother!Your faith is powerful and you are amazing! We will keep you and your family in our prayers!
Thank you for sharing with us so that we can come around you and lift you and your family up in prayer. So often it is hard or near impossible to understand why we are allowed to go through hard times. Eph. 3:20 is one of the passages my family clung to as we went through our own tragic loss earlier this year. Knowing that He is Sovereign and that nothing is out of His contole is a great comfort. He is forever with you and will never leave you. Much love to you all!
After recently being diagnosed with cancer, having seven children, homeschooling, and now in the process of going to daily radiation treatments and weekly chemo both of which are an hour away, I understand your ability to be thankful. It’s like all these challenges have brought to mind the countless blessings God does provide and I’m thankful that I’m able to see them! God bless you!!
Yes, it’s funny how it does that. Praying for your most difficult journey, Rachel!
Kim, Thank you for sharing a piece of your heart with us and for allowing us to uplift this very important situation to our Gracious and Heavenly Father. I am praying for you and your family. We never met but I consider you a true sister in Christ. God is faithful and He will give you the super natural strength you need to get through this. Praying for your sweet Luke, for a speedy recovery, wisdom and guidance for the next steps in treatment, and ultimately full healing!
Love in Christ,
Lynn
Thank you so much for being an encouragement to me when I can see your situation has been far more serious than what I’m going through. You, your son, and all your precious family are definitely in my prayers.
Thank you for being so open and vulnerable. I don’t think it is weird at all that you look for the blessings. We are so blessed in the midat of chaos and the world is chaotic. Thank you for sharing in my time of need.
God is good all the time and all the time God is good. Sweet sister in Christ, may you have peace that only He can give. May you have joy in your heart. I pray for the strength to fight. Strength to get up and face each day of uncertainty in His power. I pray for peace that passes all understanding. I pray for guidance in the next steps you take. I pray for wisdom. I pray in Jesus’ precious in holy name. Amen.
I will con tinue to lift you and your family up. You are not alone.
I am so sorry. You are absolutely amazing, even now you encourage me to be thankful.
I have been complaining to God lately for little things. Thanks for reminding me that even now God is in control.
I will be and am praying for you and your family.
Blessings…
Thank you so much for this amazing post. You are such an encouragement. I will be praying for you and your family. God has you in the palm of his hand
Kim and family: I love and appreciate you. I am so thankful for your message. May joy keep finding its way into your hearts.
Praying for you and your family.
This post challenges and encourages me.
Thank you for sharing.
Jessica
Our prayers are with all of you…We love you and your family!
Lord, we love you!!! We thank you for your many blessings you’ve given us. Lord! Lord you are the master physician and we are looking to you Father for healing today. We first thank you for Kim. She delights herself in you so that she can be a blessing to us. So right now Lord we are asking that you give her the peace and comfort that only you can give. Grant her energetic days and very restful nights. Take the anxiety and confusion far far away from her mind so far away that she’s no longer consumed with doc appts or medicication times but allow her to see your rainbow in her mind.
We are asking a very very special prayer over her baby Luke!! He needs you to touch him right now from the very top of his head to the bottom of his feet. We know that you are capable to heal where doctors will stand in amazement wondering “where did it go”. Give him peace and understanding.
Thank you Lord for supporting hear team of “what can we help you with so you can get rest” team. Continue Lorf please to wrap this family in your arms by providing encouragement, support, love, late night talks.
Lastly we thank you right now for the doctors!! Those that you allowed to get the med degrees to help us get well. Special prayers are going out tonight on behalf of Luke’s team of doctors. Lord give the all the knowledge that you have in order to cater to Luke in the best way. Lord show them that you are God and God alone!!!
We thank you in advance for this answered prayer
Oh Kim, I cannot help but share your tears. Our God is so good and your faith is truly inspiring. Thank you for sharing this story. I will be praying for your whole family.
My prayers are with you, your son and your family. My son had an astrocytoma at the age of 6 months. He underwent a 9 1/2 brain surgery the day before he turned 7 months. He had to have eye surgery due to them touching his optic nerve during surgery and his muscle tone is not where it should be (he gets stronger every day), BUT he will be 10 in January and going strong!!!! All the glory to God. We will keep y’all in our prayers.
Praise the Lord. He is so good!
many prayers….may you find moments of peace and thankfulness in all the little things. (hugs)
We will be praying for your son and your family. God is faithful.
Oh goodness. I was just thinking of you today as I pulled out the Advent hymn study I purchased from you last year to use again this Advent season. I was thinking I needed to check out any emails of yours I saw come through to see what new things you might have this season. This post caught me off guard; I had to reread it to make sure this was really your current situation. My heart sank even as I was blessed to read your words reflecting the trust you have in our good, good Savior. I am praying for your family, that He will sustain you and that your hearts and minds will know the Peace that passes understanding, and that Jehovah Rapha the Lord our Healer will touch your Luke.
Your words and insight are such a blessing to me. Praying for strength and wisdom, and patience for when you’ve run out of all three. Praying that Luke will see God’s faithfulness and goodness through this, and praying that your other children will have both of you home to love on soon. I pray Godly mentors will be encouraging whenever their sweet momma can not be there in person. God bless you.
Oh. My. What a shock for you but so thankful you and I serve a God who is in control of everything. I will definitely be praying for a swift, complete recovery for your Luke. Blessings, Valerie
There is power in the name of Jesus, to break every chain – this song reminds me the power in the Name of Jesus. There is power to heal, to sustain, to revive, to do anything that you believe He can. I am believing for Luke’s total healing for Jesus took all our infirmities that we may live whole. I am thankful to God for keeping you strong, indeed He is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Trust Him to do what glorifies Him in your son and in your life. I decree Healing in Jesus Name! Hugs, Carole
Praying for you and your dear family. Thank you for being such a blessing even in a time like this.