How to Find Thankfulness When Life Is Hard
God has already got this and every other trial figured out. There’s nothing to fear. Let this post help you find thankfulness and peace during a crisis.
It was 4am on Saturday. Exactly 3 days after the morning our lives were forever changed.
The overhead light in our fish-bowl PICU room was dim, but Luke was wide awake. (Can’t say I blame him after they stuck a needle in his arm for “routine lab work.” Not to mention, he had been in bed since Wednesday so what does the clock really mean at this point?)
Oh, sorry. Let me back up and start from the beginning. It was a typical Wednesday morning. I was standing in the bathroom frantically trying to get ready for the day. The girls were in the kitchen packing lunches for co-op and Nathan was still sleeping. On last account, my youngest son, Luke, was playing with his iPad in my bed. He had always been the first up and today had been no exception.
I don’t know when he got out of my bed or what he was doing when the screaming started. His little feet came barreling down the hall and he was clutching his head like a football. His cries were hysterical as if he had busted his head open and blood was spilling everywhere. I tried to get him to tell me what happened (imagining some sort of sibling squabble and honestly feeling annoyed). But he couldn’t get the words out.
He left the bathroom screaming and running around the house. The clock was ticking. The girls needed to leave in 10 minutes. I had an appointment that I needed to be presentable for and there was a little boy screaming in a way that pricked concern, but came with no explanation.
My heart raced from the stress and my mind was desperately trying to work everything out. Is this a big deal? Should I try to finish getting ready? Why on earth is he screaming like that? Should I still take the girls to co-op? Should I just go to the ER?
A panicked scream from my oldest daughter interrupted my thoughts. “Mom, he’s throwing up everywhere.”
It was one of those moments that probably would have meant nothing to the average mom, but my personal experience knew better. Instantly my mind went to our dear friend Joseph. At age 9, Joseph was taken to the hospital with severe headaches and the outcome was everyone’s worst nightmare: a tumor (you can read his whole story here).
As a family friend, I recall fuzzy details of those early days: the surgeries, chemo/radiation, visiting him in the hospital, even stocking the family’s fridge with healthy foods when they returned home. I would have never told you that my most prominent memory was the headaches. Well, not until that Wednesday morning.
We went immediately to the pediatrician. By that point, Luke was not looking so good. The headache seemed to have subsided some, but the vomiting did not. His vitals were ok, but he was very lethargic and had already had one seizure.
The doctor called EMS and the whirlwind of medical intervention began. Within an hour, we had already had a CAT scan, MRI, and been admitted to the PICU. The neurosurgeon was confident that the ugly mass on his labs was a brain tumor.
The next morning we had another test to double-check location and diagnosis. Then the surgery was scheduled for 8am the next day. The 3.5 hour surgery would have been an eternity if it hadn’t been for family, friends, and distracting conversation.
For brain surgery, it couldn’t have gone better. There was no excess bleeding. No damage. And most, if not all, of the tumor was removed. As I sat there just 24 hours post-op in a recliner sort of “bed” contraption staring at a huge scar and a little boy who just wanted to play with LEGOs (even if it was 4am), I tried to hold my emotions together. He tried to put together simple LEGOs, but failed. So he moved to his iPad and eventually settled to watching TV. He could manage about 10-15 minutes awake before suddenly falling asleep.
Everything Changed
As I watched him, the reality of it all had finally sunk in. Nothing would ever be the same again. Emotions invaded places I had forgotten existed. As our child-life specialist reminded me, knowledge isn’t always a good thing and I knew too much.
I had walked alongside two good friends who had heard that big ugly “c” word. I knew about the week long hospital stays for every fever, the traumatic oncology procedures, and the life-long side effects of radiation/chemo. I had watched one friend deal with the trauma of the loss of vital functions her daughter would never regain as a result of radiation. And had watched the other bury her son after four long years of fighting.
Yeah, I knew too much. The reality of the situation wasn’t lost on me. Although we didn’t yet know what pathology would reveal, I knew the statistics. I knew the likelihood of a long and ugly fight no matter how favorable the outcome.
I opened my journal and began to write a list of things I was thankful for. It seems strange now even writing that I did such a thing given the circumstances, but I had been here before and I knew how to stay focused.
You see, our family is no stranger to hard things. We know storms and trials in an intimate way. We’ve walked through abandonment, betrayal, divorce, 7-week hospital stays, multiple surgeries, and 2 miscarriages.
If there is anything I’ve learned from the hard things it’s that God is always ONLY good and He can always ALWAYS be trusted. I’ve learned that we will always look back on the journey and remember how gracious and merciful God has been to us… if we are willing to. So that morning, I penned the words of Isaiah 63:7 into my journal from memory.
Underneath the verse, I began to recount…
Is it cancer?
The biggest question we face now is about that big “c” word. Or so we all thought anyway. As it turns out, cancer isn’t really the topic of discussion when it comes to brain tumors. It’s more like a real estate conversation. Location. Location. Location. After that, we are most worried about what’s inside the “house” otherwise known as the cell type (and its aggression level).
Today we had our first of many appointments with the pediatric neuro-oncologist. It wasn’t the best of news, but it also wasn’t the worst. He has an astrocytoma brain tumor, often referred to as JPA for short. Typically these tumors are low-grade because they grow slowly. Unfortunately, that is not the case with Luke. Although we don’t yet know to what extent, we know his is faster growing and that’s of some concern. The tumor was sent off to the Mayo Clinic for further study. We are certain chemo will be needed, but to what extent is presently unknown.
I left today’s appointment with a million things to add to my journal.
Trust me, I’m well aware that you can read a list like that and think I’m crazy. 7 years ago, I would have agreed with you. Back then I knew God was the answer to our problems and I knew how to pray to get help when the first hard things came flooding into our lives with the destruction and force of a tornado. But real faith was something I hadn’t even scratched the surface of.
Throughout these years, God has shown us His faithfulness even in the littlest of things. He’s held my hand through all the hardest parts. By day, He commanded His steadfast love over us and by night His song was with us (Psalm 42:8).
What are we going to do now?
So I end this post with a challenge for you. Today, even when it’s hard, recount the blessings God has been so faithful to bestow upon you. One at a time, day by day, even the little things will bring great joy to your heart… because God is always ONLY good and we can trust that. Harder days are coming for us that include things none of us really can predict and I imagine that to be true for most of you out there reading this, too. But God is unchanging even in the darkest of unknowns. He is faithful 100% of the time and without fail.
There’s nothing to fear. Nothing to worry about. Nothing to cry or throw tantrums about (although feeling emotional is totally ok). Our unchanging, merciful, gracious, forever-loving, and never-forsaking God has already got this (and every other trial) figured out. Our only job is to walk the path carefully laid out before us with our eyes fixed on Him and our hearts full of the kind of trust that carries us from faith to faith.
Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen. (Ephesians 3:20 ESV)
**If you’d like to receive more frequent updates on Luke’s progress, read prayer requests, and be encouraged by our journey, you may join this Facebook group. I will update there more frequently than posting here on the blog. Your support is a blessing to us. Thank you!
Through practical tools & Bible-based resources, Kim Sorgius is dedicated to helping your family GROW in faith so you can be Not Consumed by life’s struggles. Author of popular kid’s devotional Bible studies and practical homeschooling tools, Kim has a master’s degree in education and curriculum design coupled with over 2 decades of experience working with kids and teens. Above all, her most treasured job is mother and homeschool teacher of four amazing kiddos.
Praying for you.
Praying for Luke’s total and complete healing as well as a giant flood of peace and comfort over you and your family and a complete binding of all fear.
Kim, I can not even begin to tell you how you’ve affected my life. It amazes me that someone I’ve never met has helped me through such anger just by sharing what you’ve learned through your life. My daughters are presently doing one of your devotionals and absolutely love it. I’m am in tears for you tonight. I’m praying…God is always only good. You keep saying that and it reminds me of a song my children recently sang by Ron Hamilton, “You are Always Good to Me”. Maybe that song will help when you need to be lifted a little higher.
Love in Christ, Stacy
One of our favorite songs! Such a blessing. One of the girls learned it at the Wilds last summer. We found it on one of Ron’s CDs much to our excitement.
Praying for you and your precious family.
Thank you for sharing! I really needed this tonight after many months of illness and surgies for me and my son… I needed to be reminded not to let the negative outcomes take ahold of me and remember how truly blessed I am that each day I spend with my children and all the craziness of daily lives is each a blessing that I need to see and be grateful for! God bless your son and your family.
Praying for you and your family
I am so sorry you and your family are dealing with this…… Our prayers will be with you and I hope you find some time for laughter during this…. I will most definitely hug my kids a little tighter today…. May God bless you today and every day forward….
You are a true blessing to our family! Blessed are those who come in the name of the Lord! He is already working this trial for good! For every mother who has been through our will go through this trial, you are a shining example of the gospel. A living breathing pay for us to follow, a guide. I thank God for you and your faithfulness,your courage, and positivity but most of all for your glowing LOVE!
THANK YOU, PRAYERS FOR YOUR FAMILY FROM OURS: )
I can’t even start to imagine how you’re feeling, and yet while reading this post, I felt what was probably, a very small part of what you’re feeling! Your energy came through loud and clear!
Please know, that although you don’t know me, I will hold your beloved little one in my prayers. I will pray for Luke for a quick and total healing. I will pray that be as comfortable as can be, surrounded by God’s angels to protect him. I will pray for you and yours, that you overcome this quickly and together, surrounded by immense love and peace. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts.
Blessings
Dear Kim,
I am praying for you, Luke and your family. Although we’ve never met, you have inspired me and given me hope. I love your Bible studies and your willingness to share your experiences which have helped so many Moms. You are a blessing and may God’s love and peace continue to work in you!
Blessings and prayers,
Noel
Me and my family will be praying for you. Isaiah 40:31
What an incredible post and unwavering faith. You are not crazy, you are strong in Him. I will pray for you, your son, and your family.
Praying for your family right now. So thankful, with you, for the Good, Good Father who has you and Luke in His Hands.
God is with you and Luke.im so sorry and yet so grateful that you knew what to do…to help Luke and to keep your self .thank you for sharing…more people can pray for you and learn from your lesson.That God is only good..all the time and that there is always so much to be grateful for.you are smart and strong and loving and you are pointing others to Christ even when you’re tired and overwhelmed yourself.love and prayers for you and your family.
Kim,
You are truly a blessing to so many people. What an example of God’s great mercy and care during our darkest of times. May our Lord continue to strengthen and comfort you and bring healing to Luke. May God’s will be done and you continue to glorify Him through this journey.
Many prayers and love from your sister in Christ,
Jenn
Thank you so much for sharing so deeply from your heart. You are so encouraging standing right there at the battle lines. Your family is in my prayers. ❤️
Oh my heart. Thank-you for sharing this. Definitely praying for your family.
Hello Kim!
So thankful for you this morning! Please know your family & precious Luke will be in our prayers & many others as we share with friends & family.
Prayers ❤️
Sherri
Kim
I cannot imagine going through this with such grace and faith. You and your family will be on my mind and in my prayers. Julie
Wow!! As I read this —I was confused–I suppose from being in shock and you don’t even know me. I wondered ” is this actually Kim writing this? Is this a guest writer? Is this a story from the past? “. I’m amazed at your testimony –how you are responding to this trial in your life with thanksgiving to our great ?. I’m praying for you and your sweet family. May you be blessed in abundance as you bless others. To Him be the glory.
I am praying for you and your sweet family. Thank you for being such an inspiration to us all.
I can’t say that I know what you’re going through, but we do have two medically challenged boys in our family and spend more time with doctors and in hospitals than we’d like. Your attitude and faith, and habit of writing down your “gratefuls” will be a great source of strength in the future. Thank you for sharing. Heaven bless you, yours, and your medical team(s).
You and your family are in our prayers. Your work is a blessing to us. Keep your eyes on Jesus the Author and Finisher of our faith. I agree with you …Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.
What an inspiration you are! I am thankful with you that you are not having the life expectancy conversation. I am so sorry for everything your family is going through, but I will pray and trust God will bring your son through this as faithfully as he brought you all through everything else you’ve faced. Thank you for sharing this and your faith with us.
Oh my beautiful friend! I’m still holding y’all in our prayers and I love seeing these sweet pictures of your sweet boy.
Though I know there may be times when your faith wavers, the strength you show is a beautiful beautiful testimony of God’s precious hand on your life. We will begin praying for your son and continue to lift him up. I can not imagine what you must be feeling. But I am so very glad that you have Jesus. Love from the Bartons
I am praying for Luke to have a full and complete recovery, and comfort, peace and strength for you and your whole family.
Thank you for being open and sharing this story you live! If nothing else it is encouraging to others to look at the things we are, or need to be, thankful for today! Hug your kids today for those of us reading this and accept their hugs as ones from us. Know that prayers are going up for you as often as I remember your story and I am pinning you so it will be there often.
Be blessed not stress!
God bless you. Kim, I know you are hurting right now, but as you know, continue to lean on Him. The devil will try to steal your peace and joy you have, but don’t let him discourage you! God will bless you tremendously as you continue to look to Him and His promises to get you through. I too have been through difficult medical procedures and diagnoses with 3 of my children now. It made my faith stronger in the Lord when I pushed into Him more and allowed Him to guide my steps and hold me up when needed. Like you, people asked how could I have such faith when enduring such a trial, and I say how could I not! Praise God for the hospital you’re in, for someone watching your other precious children, for your doctor, for your sweet precious son, and for your faith. Continue to find your strength in Him and He will continue to hold you up, blessing you along the way. Feel free to contact me to talk, vent or pray as a mother who gets it.
James 1:2-4 “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”
Lord, I lift Kim and her beautiful family up to you. Especially her son. Please heal him, Lord. Please give him a miraculous recovery with no lasting side effects. Please give Kim the strength to endure and the peace and comfort only you bring. Please give the doctors wisdom and the nurses compassion to best care for this family. Thank you for providing others to come alongside this family. Please bring more as needed. Let Kim feel your abundant love through the entire process. Thank you, Lord, for being good all the time. Not just in the good times, but also in the difficult ones. Thank you that Kim recognizes this. Please bless Your humble servant. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Kim I am grieved to hear this about your son. Though I’ve never met you, I feel like I know you, and you can count on my prayers for him and your family. You have been an inspiring force to me for a while now, and I can assure you that God is using this already. Thank you for your courage in sharing this.
My family is heading into an uncertain financial situation and I’ve been extremely stressed out about it. What you said in this post cut directly to the root of my anxiety. I hope it’s ok that I’ve copied and pasted several things you said into a note that I can carry around with me. If you can face this enormous unknown with your son with such grace and certainty in God’s goodness, then surely I can do this too. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your courage to share the things you share. You are a blessing to me and so many more.
Please know that I am praying for you! Although we didn’t have a cancer diagnosis my (7months at the time) had a transverse myelitis diagnosis after falling paralyzed. Had a major brain surgery and some skull removed. Everything went as planned but he will have problems and therapies forever. I tell you all so that you can really honestly know that I will be praying for you and your sweet son. I know how hard it is!!! When you have been through it yourself other people’s stories become a burden to your heart. I promise I will be lifting you guys up! Your faith is admirable!
Thank you. Praying for you as well!