How to Find Thankfulness When Life Is Hard
God has already got this and every other trial figured out. There’s nothing to fear. Let this post help you find thankfulness and peace during a crisis.
It was 4am on Saturday. Exactly 3 days after the morning our lives were forever changed.
The overhead light in our fish-bowl PICU room was dim, but Luke was wide awake. (Can’t say I blame him after they stuck a needle in his arm for “routine lab work.” Not to mention, he had been in bed since Wednesday so what does the clock really mean at this point?)
Oh, sorry. Let me back up and start from the beginning. It was a typical Wednesday morning. I was standing in the bathroom frantically trying to get ready for the day. The girls were in the kitchen packing lunches for co-op and Nathan was still sleeping. On last account, my youngest son, Luke, was playing with his iPad in my bed. He had always been the first up and today had been no exception.
I don’t know when he got out of my bed or what he was doing when the screaming started. His little feet came barreling down the hall and he was clutching his head like a football. His cries were hysterical as if he had busted his head open and blood was spilling everywhere. I tried to get him to tell me what happened (imagining some sort of sibling squabble and honestly feeling annoyed). But he couldn’t get the words out.
He left the bathroom screaming and running around the house. The clock was ticking. The girls needed to leave in 10 minutes. I had an appointment that I needed to be presentable for and there was a little boy screaming in a way that pricked concern, but came with no explanation.
My heart raced from the stress and my mind was desperately trying to work everything out. Is this a big deal? Should I try to finish getting ready? Why on earth is he screaming like that? Should I still take the girls to co-op? Should I just go to the ER?
A panicked scream from my oldest daughter interrupted my thoughts. “Mom, he’s throwing up everywhere.”
It was one of those moments that probably would have meant nothing to the average mom, but my personal experience knew better. Instantly my mind went to our dear friend Joseph. At age 9, Joseph was taken to the hospital with severe headaches and the outcome was everyone’s worst nightmare: a tumor (you can read his whole story here).
As a family friend, I recall fuzzy details of those early days: the surgeries, chemo/radiation, visiting him in the hospital, even stocking the family’s fridge with healthy foods when they returned home. I would have never told you that my most prominent memory was the headaches. Well, not until that Wednesday morning.
We went immediately to the pediatrician. By that point, Luke was not looking so good. The headache seemed to have subsided some, but the vomiting did not. His vitals were ok, but he was very lethargic and had already had one seizure.
The doctor called EMS and the whirlwind of medical intervention began. Within an hour, we had already had a CAT scan, MRI, and been admitted to the PICU. The neurosurgeon was confident that the ugly mass on his labs was a brain tumor.
The next morning we had another test to double-check location and diagnosis. Then the surgery was scheduled for 8am the next day. The 3.5 hour surgery would have been an eternity if it hadn’t been for family, friends, and distracting conversation.
For brain surgery, it couldn’t have gone better. There was no excess bleeding. No damage. And most, if not all, of the tumor was removed. As I sat there just 24 hours post-op in a recliner sort of “bed” contraption staring at a huge scar and a little boy who just wanted to play with LEGOs (even if it was 4am), I tried to hold my emotions together. He tried to put together simple LEGOs, but failed. So he moved to his iPad and eventually settled to watching TV. He could manage about 10-15 minutes awake before suddenly falling asleep.
Everything Changed
As I watched him, the reality of it all had finally sunk in. Nothing would ever be the same again. Emotions invaded places I had forgotten existed. As our child-life specialist reminded me, knowledge isn’t always a good thing and I knew too much.
I had walked alongside two good friends who had heard that big ugly “c” word. I knew about the week long hospital stays for every fever, the traumatic oncology procedures, and the life-long side effects of radiation/chemo. I had watched one friend deal with the trauma of the loss of vital functions her daughter would never regain as a result of radiation. And had watched the other bury her son after four long years of fighting.
Yeah, I knew too much. The reality of the situation wasn’t lost on me. Although we didn’t yet know what pathology would reveal, I knew the statistics. I knew the likelihood of a long and ugly fight no matter how favorable the outcome.
I opened my journal and began to write a list of things I was thankful for. It seems strange now even writing that I did such a thing given the circumstances, but I had been here before and I knew how to stay focused.
You see, our family is no stranger to hard things. We know storms and trials in an intimate way. We’ve walked through abandonment, betrayal, divorce, 7-week hospital stays, multiple surgeries, and 2 miscarriages.
If there is anything I’ve learned from the hard things it’s that God is always ONLY good and He can always ALWAYS be trusted. I’ve learned that we will always look back on the journey and remember how gracious and merciful God has been to us… if we are willing to. So that morning, I penned the words of Isaiah 63:7 into my journal from memory.
Underneath the verse, I began to recount…
Is it cancer?
The biggest question we face now is about that big “c” word. Or so we all thought anyway. As it turns out, cancer isn’t really the topic of discussion when it comes to brain tumors. It’s more like a real estate conversation. Location. Location. Location. After that, we are most worried about what’s inside the “house” otherwise known as the cell type (and its aggression level).
Today we had our first of many appointments with the pediatric neuro-oncologist. It wasn’t the best of news, but it also wasn’t the worst. He has an astrocytoma brain tumor, often referred to as JPA for short. Typically these tumors are low-grade because they grow slowly. Unfortunately, that is not the case with Luke. Although we don’t yet know to what extent, we know his is faster growing and that’s of some concern. The tumor was sent off to the Mayo Clinic for further study. We are certain chemo will be needed, but to what extent is presently unknown.
I left today’s appointment with a million things to add to my journal.
Trust me, I’m well aware that you can read a list like that and think I’m crazy. 7 years ago, I would have agreed with you. Back then I knew God was the answer to our problems and I knew how to pray to get help when the first hard things came flooding into our lives with the destruction and force of a tornado. But real faith was something I hadn’t even scratched the surface of.
Throughout these years, God has shown us His faithfulness even in the littlest of things. He’s held my hand through all the hardest parts. By day, He commanded His steadfast love over us and by night His song was with us (Psalm 42:8).
What are we going to do now?
So I end this post with a challenge for you. Today, even when it’s hard, recount the blessings God has been so faithful to bestow upon you. One at a time, day by day, even the little things will bring great joy to your heart… because God is always ONLY good and we can trust that. Harder days are coming for us that include things none of us really can predict and I imagine that to be true for most of you out there reading this, too. But God is unchanging even in the darkest of unknowns. He is faithful 100% of the time and without fail.
There’s nothing to fear. Nothing to worry about. Nothing to cry or throw tantrums about (although feeling emotional is totally ok). Our unchanging, merciful, gracious, forever-loving, and never-forsaking God has already got this (and every other trial) figured out. Our only job is to walk the path carefully laid out before us with our eyes fixed on Him and our hearts full of the kind of trust that carries us from faith to faith.
Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen. (Ephesians 3:20 ESV)
**If you’d like to receive more frequent updates on Luke’s progress, read prayer requests, and be encouraged by our journey, you may join this Facebook group. I will update there more frequently than posting here on the blog. Your support is a blessing to us. Thank you!
Through practical tools & Bible-based resources, Kim Sorgius is dedicated to helping your family GROW in faith so you can be Not Consumed by life’s struggles. Author of popular kid’s devotional Bible studies and practical homeschooling tools, Kim has a master’s degree in education and curriculum design coupled with over 2 decades of experience working with kids and teens. Above all, her most treasured job is mother and homeschool teacher of four amazing kiddos.
I praise God that He saved you and is present with you now, drawing your eyes to Him. I love your gift of faith that believes His heart is for you. Keep pushing back the devil with your thanksgiving and praise! Your blog title says it all….(we are) not consumed! ?. Praying now for you and your precious little one.
Thank you for sharing your story and the journey of your family.
God thinks you and your family are totally AMAZING and He loves you and is proud of you.
Kim,
My heart is full after reading your story this morning; full of praise for our God who can so beautifully sustain in the midst of the scariest of times, praise for all the things He has given you to be thankful for, full of prayers for your strength, prayers for your mama-heart, for your other kiddos and for Luke. Thank you for taking the time to share and give glory to your great Jesus and so my family and I can be praying for you. Your faith is truly a blessing and a great encouragement. Sending you love and prayers from CA that God will heal your little one and give you all strength and staying power for the journey. Hugs to each of you and love. (If I lived nearby I would most certainly offer to babysit or bring you meals. 🙂 ) ♥️
Dear Kim,
It is such a blessing to see you hold on tight to God. You are walking the walk, and I praise God that you have a platform to share and encourage so many brothers and sisters in the faith. God is awesome and powerful and He loves you and He will never let you go. His hand is holding you and little Luke and his brother and sisters. Jesus, please let this hard time strengthen the faith of each member of this family. Draw them even closer into Your love. Give them eyes to see Your hand and trust You even more. Raise their perspective to an eternal view each day and use them as powerful witnesses to Your amazing sacrifice of love.
I have a dear Auntie battling cancer right now too and I will pray for your family as I pray for hers.
Blessings,
Molly
Praying for your aunt as well, Molly. Thank you.
I read this last night just before bed and spent some time praying for you and your family. God is being Glorified in you even now through this. I’ll be continuing in prayer for you all.
Thank you so much for this story. I pray that God will wrap his loving arms around you and give you a peace that only He can provide. I will be praying for you entire family.
I’m so sorry that you have to join this club (I am a member too!), and it will change you and change your children. But it will make you more like Jesus. My daughter’s cancer was probably the most life-altering event in my family’s life. Even though it was many years ago (she was 6 when she was diagnosed and is 14 now), it still affects us frequently and in unexpected ways. And we ALWAYS look back with thankfulness to a God that was so close to us during that time. And my daughter is a wonderful and unique person because of what she went through.
I do believe that you life in my area, and if so, I know that your son is in the best of hands. God’s blessings on you in the days, months, and years to come.
Such truth already, Amy! I’ll be praying for you and your family.
Dear Kim,
I just read this post about your son. I am thankful that the Lord is helping to strengthen you and fill you with peace and hope and comfort. (Your life story has helped to inspire and uplift me as I have read through your site/emails. Thank you for your witness of God’s miracles and of your example in following and trusting in Him). After retelling Luke’s story to my mother, she suggested that if you would like, we (our family) will fast with/for you, for Luke, etc. and will begin praying for you all. If there is a specific day that you would like to have us fast/fast with us, let me know. We would be more than happy to do so.
God bless.
-Miriam M.
We will be praying for Luke and all of you!
I have been praying for you and yours till I knew about your son’s surgery. You are not alone, many amazing persons (ladies, bloggers, sisters in Christ…) are with you, and do not try to forget Jesus is always there. Be encouraged my dear.I love you more.
Oh Kim, I am so very sorry this is happening to you and your precious boy, but I’m so relieved to hear that he is in very good hands. I am praying for you and your beautiful family, praying for answers, for peace, for comfort and for hope. Thank you for sharing your story and this new journey. Your message is a timely one for me today, and I will start my own “thankful list.”
Dearest Kim, praying for you and your family, especially little Luke.
My sister is living with an egg sized Oligoastrocytoma. She’s had it for 6 years. It still seems so unreal. I am amazed that you were able to stop and see what you have to be thankful for. That is a lesson for all of us! I love that you said you are thankful that God trusts you with something this hard. When I think back I do remember being (and still am) thankful, that my sister had to spend the night at my parents’ house and my mom caught her seizures. She was only having them at night in her sleep. I’ve always been thankful that other than seizures, the tumor didn’t cause any negative changes in my sister. Finding it seemed to bring her back to us. She had been sleepy and depressed for about 2 years and none of us had any idea why. I’m praying for you and your son and your family. and praying that all who read your story will stop and be thankful that we have a good good God and an amazing Savior.
Praying for you and your family, Julie!
Wonderful post! Praying for you all!
Praise God, for he never makes mistakes!
I pray for you and your son and your family. May God give you comfort, peace and understanding in this journey. I know it can be tough not understanding why these things happen. Stay faithful as you are to Jesus Christ! A greater reward awaits you and your family! God bless you! You are an inspiration to us mothers!
I pray for your sons healing ! May Gods will be in all of this, and may God be glorified in your lives!
Blessings to you and your family!
Kim you are right that God will send many challenges. But with your faith you will come out on the other side a better more Christ like person. I’m praying for you, your family, and especially your little man.
Love and Prayers
Wow, I have followed your blog a couple years for the homeschool and parenting tips and for the encouragement. Can’t believe this post was still encouraging to me despite the news of your son. From what I know of you, your family is amazing. You will all be in my thoughts and prayers.
Praying for you to stay strong in the faith. Through trials it can be so challenging, but His grace is sufficient. You are so encouraging to me in the faith. Makes me think of the song by Jamie Grace titled Show Jesus.
Stay strong my friend,
Kim
We know that song well. One of my girls loves it!
Will keep Luke and his family in my thoughts and prayers. God Bless you and yours.
Marilyn
I so understand your current situation, as our now healthy 7 year old was diagnosed when he was 2 1/2 with cancer. After 3.5 years of chemo treatment, he is now cancer free. God carried us. God was there when we “just couldn’t ” anymore, God was there during all of this mess and He held us and helped us to grow. If we can help one person through this journey, then it’s all worth it. God is good and He is always there. Just to let Him light the way. Praying for you.
Praise the Lord for healing and your testimony!
Praying for strength, peace and comfort for you as you care for your son and take care of the kids & household etc.. Praying for your precious boy for complete healing of this tumor, peace and comfort as he sees doctors etc! God is the ultimate healer & comforter and we can rest in him through all our trials and tribulations in life! Hope you have a Blessed Thanksgiving
Kim,
Thank you so much for your willingness to be honest and transparent, to share the joys and challenges of your life so that others may be encouraged. I pray His peace settles on you like a warm blanket, that His love and care for Luke, for you and for the whole family is so evident each and every day. I pray for unexpected blessings to remind you that God cares for both the big and little things that matter to us. I pray for complete and total healing for Luke, for supernatural wisdom for the doctors, nurses, technicians, and that Luke would feel the presence of Jesus in a very real and profound way during the scariest of moments or the quiet of the night. And I pray that this experience will draw you closer as a family, and even closer to Jesus. Continuing to pray!
Kim,
I don’t know how it happened, but last year in the midst of my year-long battle with breast cancer, I found your sight….actually I think I found your Not-Consumed shirt and it was exactly what I needed for that time. As I struggled with chemotherapy drugs, surgeries and more, I was started getting your updates and notes. What an amazing testimony and encouragement your strength was to me. As a homeschool mommy of 5 I found that we had much more in common than a great T-shit that reminded me that I should not be consumed. Now this. Here’s the verse that has urged me on this past year. Remember Job? Remember when Satan came into the presence of God and God said to him, “Have you considered MY servant Job?” Then basically all hell broke out in his life. This is how Job dealt with his tragic loss of everything, “But He knows the way that I take; when He has tested me, I will come forth a GOLD.” Job 23:10. I’m passing on this torch of a verse to you and your son. Now, I’m off to see what else I can purchase from your website because I KNOW how much medical bills, gas and food on the go cost! Thank you for living “out-loud” and sharing your life to encourage others.
Oh friend. I love that verse. Such a beautiful promise. Thank you!
Kim,
You are such a strong person. I appreciate all the encouragement you have given, not only to me personally but also to others. I am praying for Luke and for you. I would like to say a prayer right here.
Heavenly Father, I ask you to heal Luke totally and completely. Give Kim and his doctors wisdom from heaven. I pray that you give Luke comfort and peace. Make your face shine upon Luke and
Kim. God, hold them both in your arms. Also, give comfort and peace to Rachel, Leah, and Nathan. Ease any fears they may have. Hold them all, Lord. I ask in Jesus name, amen.
Praying for you and your family!!!
We are praying for your family to cling to the Lord during this trying time. Happy Thanksgiving, from the Pacific Northwest.
I will continue to keep Luke and his family in my thoughts and prayers. God Bless All.
Marilyn
Prayers fro a healing for Luke. God Bless Luke and his family.
Marion
Kim,
you are a great inspiration to me. God is working through you in so many ways. I just read this story tonight. I will be praying for you, Luke and your family. I’m so sorry you are walking through this, but thankful to God that your faith is so strong. We can only do these things because He strengthens us. (Philippians 4:13) And we know that God will work this for good. (Romans 8:28)
Thank you for being an encouragement to me even though your own trials. I love you, sister!
My 2 month old was diagnosed with a grade 4 astrocytoma (GBM for short). It was a long road with intense chemo since he was under 3 years old. We went to St Jude in Memphis for treatment even though we live in Charlotte NC.
Father, I pray for Luke and his family. Be with them, comfort him, help them find your compassion and love through those they interact with. We pray for the tumor to be removed with clearly defined matgins, for the effects of treatment to be minimal on him long term, and for the hearts of his siblings to be protected during the times they feel overlooked or neglected. We pray for a peace and understanding that only the Holy Spirit can provide. Amen.
Thank you for your prayers. Praying for you as well.