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  1. One of the best “punishments” my mother ever used on us was NOT letting my brother and I play with each other after we had had an argument. It didn’t take either of us long to get tired of our own company and we were ready to be nice and cooperate with each other. For some strange reason, though, my brother continued to object being the groom for my toddler sized bride doll that my girlfriend and I would march down the aisle by the hour!

  2. My kids used to fight all the time, but now they got older and the problem is of past. Especially since my boy got 12 years old, now he is too busy with his hormones to fight anymore with his younger sister. So, I do believe that “it goes with time”. Don’t worry, they won’t be fighting at 20’s :). I don’t think considering a punishment is a good idea. They are brothers, they fight and help each other, I think it’s just natural. 🙂
    Of course I used to intervene and separate them if I see them, but I didn’t take any special action. I used to simply tell them to stop and that’s it. It went great for me this way and I know they will be many who will contradict me because is not such a popular opinion.

  3. I’m not a parent yet but I wish mines had known how to effectively stop the fighting or somewhat contribute less to the cause. I don’t think they intended to add fuel to the fire and I’ve pointed out some possible causes to which they try to do less. Unfortunately, the fighting hasn’t stopped and I don’t think ever will. We’re in our 20s now still living at home and the best solution I’ve come up with is avoiding my brother as much as possible. The Lord finally answered my prayers and my brother has stopped trying to physically fight me when he doesn’t get his way or to rough house.

    It’s been hard for me to continue being loving, kind and respectful which I’m mistreated most of the time by him. I’ve prayed on it but I feel like giving up and not interacting with him at all. I don’t like the idea of going no contact but I don’t see any other way. I’ve finally accepted that he doesn’t want to change and probably never will. I thought being more nice and pleasing him would make him less mean but it didn’t. I also tried the “eye for an eye” approach but I didn’t feel good about it and it only helped temporarily while “turning the other cheek” made things worse. I’ve realized that he wants a reaction when he hits me or insults me. Our dad said maybe that’s his way of showing love but I just don’t feel okay about that. My brother doesn’t treat other family like that and he definitely doesn’t mistreat his friends or love interests.

    Sometimes I think that if I had never been born life wouldn’t be like this. I understand my presence disrupted the life he had and he had to adjust to sharing the attention, love and affection from our parents but I thought children grow out of that. Apparently when I came home he jumped on me and always wanted to like in wrestling. My mom says it’s because my dad would watch wrestling on TV with my brother so he probably wanted to act it out. Maybe that’s true but my brother never seemed to like me much. Growing up I looked up to him even though he would constantly bully me. I no longer look up to him and have since started standing up to him which is always met with his opposition since he was used to having his way. A lot of things upset him but he doesn’t verbally communicate that but instead insults or hits me. Took me a while to notice what his triggers were but I don’t intentionally mean to upset him. I tried to restrain myself to avoid conflict but things are inevitable like if I forget to put something away and it’s an inconvenience for him. I find it best to just avoid doing anything to upset him so he doesn’t have a violent outburst. He says it’s my fault which I can see but at the same time I wish he would control his emotions or at least tell me what I did so I can try to fix it before it escalates.

    Nevertheless, I don’t like to live in fear and pray for strength to get me through the tough times as well as wisdom to help prevent me from getting into troubling situations. I feel foolish for constantly forgiving and dealing with the same situations over and over again. I would love to remove myself from the situation by moving but at the moment I can’t afford it. I feel resentment sometimes towards myself and my brother so I will pray more on that.

    1. Just a quick response. Firstly, I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this! Buyyling is NEVER ok! Please don’t believe the life that fogivness = roconcilliation. Reconciliation (aka restoration of a relationship) requires REPENTANCE! If your brother doens’t recognise, sincerely apologise and CHANGE then he’s not repentant and continuing a relationship with him is enaballing his SIN (AKA selfishness). I suggest you look up Dr Ramani Durvasula on YouTube. This might help with your gulit too:
      Grace and Peace,
      In Christ <3

    2. I am so sorry your brother has victimized you like this. And yes, you are a victim. Don’t believe for one second the lie that any of this is your fault. Your brother is a man child who never grew up and shame on both of your parents for rationalizing, excusing, and enabling his behavior. Your brother’s behavior has gotten worse over the years because they allowed it and never stuck up for you. The Lord is not a child abuser and wouldn’t want you to stay in an abusive situation, because the reality is this IS abuse towards you from both your parents (for tolerating it), and from your brother for not only bullying you which has affected you both mentally and emotionally, but also for physically touching and hitting you. You need to get out right away and cut all ties with them. Their type of behavior is never okay and never justifiable. You are innocent and did absolutely nothing wrong. There are shelters you can seek help at. Seek out domestic abuse resources and/or help from trusted godly friends (but let the Lord guide you on that because unfortunately too many people who you think are friends can be backstabbers and blame the victim). I have endured abuse from my family for years, and didn’t even realize that’s what was happening or that it was abuse. Abusive people will gaslight you to make you believe it’s your fault, but it’s not. Until you are strong enough to break all ties and are prepared to cut them out of your life completely, make an escape plan. Save up money to get your own place. Try to find a network of support of people who can help you. I believe there are survivor hotlines you can call. Change your phone number and address and don’t give it to your family. I had to move across the country to get away from abusive, cultish family members for my own safety and cut all ties. They had a plan to kidnap me but the Lord exposed it. They still try to stalk me but they need Jesus. He has been my protector through it all. Lean on the Lord and let Him guide you in all these decisions, but if He tells you to move far away, trust Him to provide what is needed to get there. I am just providing some ideas and insight from someone who has been there. And don’t hesitate to file a police report or call the police on your brother should he hit you again. Most likely your parents will get mad at you but too bad on them. They should have never been allowing this. If you have a report on file against your brother you will have a better chance of getting a restraining order against him should you ever need one. I will be praying for you.

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