How to Teach Kids Responsible Time Management and Limit Screen Time
I’ve got enough working against me to let this one be a problem, too. Check out these tips to limit screen time and get kids to obey.
She was probably about 4. I watched as her grandma pulled her into the restaurant and sat her at the table. Grandma opened the tablet and started a game before heading to the line. It was a Wednesday afternoon, and Firehouse Subs wasn’t really all that busy. Grandma waited behind one person, ordered, and then sat down. Their food was delivered about two minutes later, and that was when the scene got ugly.
In an effort to limit screen time and enjoy their lunch together, Grandma took the tablet away, and the little girl let out a squeal that I’m sure could be heard down the street. “I was playing with that!” she spat at the poor lady. “Your food is here. Don’t you want to eat?” her grandma desperately pleaded. “Not now,” she barked back.
The rest of the lunch went much like you would expect. Grandma gave the tablet back and ate her lunch while the kid’s meal sat untouched.
Now, before we jump to any conclusions, I won’t even pretend to know the circumstances of this little girl’s life and what could be behind Grandma’s motives to allow her to behave that way. Her daddy might have left her mom the day before. Or perhaps her parents were killed in a tragic car accident. Perhaps there are some special needs that I am not aware of. As parents (and grandparents), there are sometimes situations that lead us to overlook behavior.
I would never judge based on the observations made from afar. But it did make me think about what electronics are doing to my own parenting. It made me think of how I limit screen time (or sometimes don’t limit it enough).
Maybe you are like me and purposely avoided video games from the beginning, but somehow never considered the “tablet” a danger. I have to admit that it seems silly now, but at first, it just didn’t come across as a big deal. I didn’t spend much time thinking about it. They seemed like a great idea.
The longer we’ve had these little tablets, the peskier they have become. They cause fights among siblings, create some sort of “selective hearing vacuum” for the user, and that’s just the beginning.
So the question seems fair. Why should we limit screen time? And how do we even do it without constant battles?
Table of Contents
Why Limit Screen Time
Electronics lead to disobedience.
Have you ever told a child to do something and gotten this response: “In a minute … I need to finish this level”? If you let your kids play video games or small electronic devices, then I know you have. On the surface, it doesn’t seem all that harmful. They just asked for an extra minute, right? But it doesn’t usually end up this way. We find ourselves hollering again several times in the minutes that follow. Trust me, I’m guilty too.
The trouble is these subtle little times of disobedience snowball into that nasty “teenage beast” that we are all trying to avoid. It doesn’t happen all at once, but these electronic devices begin to seep into all areas of our kids’ lives. One day we wake up and realize that somewhere between Minecraft and Madden, we gave up our most important job as parents—teaching our kids to obey!
Electronics lead to addictions and an even deeper loss of self-control.
Once, when my youngest child (age 5 at the time) was out of town, he called to say hello. While we were talking, he asked me if I would grab his iPad and check on his dragons because if he didn’t feed them, they would die. I’ll admit, it was cute and funny.
But it once again reminded me of the goal of the app developers. They aren’t seeking to just entertain my child while I am sitting in the doctor’s office or driving on a long trip. They are aiming for that “can’t-put-this-game-down” syndrome. And they have succeeded. Here my son was, far away from the house, and all he could think about was feeding those imaginary dragons.
If you think I’m being a little overdramatic here, consider Candy Crush or Farmville from years ago. I’ve actually had many adult friends who have canceled their Facebook pages because they couldn’t stop playing these games, and it was affecting their ability to parent.
Trust me, this is exactly the intention of the game makers. Well, not so much the limiting screen time part. They want people to play non-stop at any cost to themselves. Just think for a second about the message this sends to our kids regarding what is important in life and how to resist temptation. I’ve found that some kids just really struggle with self-control. In this post, we discuss more on how to help your kids make wise choices.
Electronics make us feel entitled.
Yeah, I know that just about any possession can do this, but for some reason, the iPad in our home is the main nemesis. I can’t help but think about the story If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. The mouse just gets a little cookie, and before long, he is ready to take over the whole house. He can’t get enough, and this causes him to lose his place as a guest.
I think electronics have this same impact. Kids get one game, and suddenly they are entitled to an entire arsenal of instant entertainment. And it doesn’t stop there. Without limits on screen time, entitlement reigns.
Electronics stifle our thinking.
So I had to throw this one in here just in case you weren’t aware. Researchers have proven time and time again that this type of visual stimulation stifles our thinking. It hinders our ability to sleep well, and it has been linked over and over again to hyperactivity in children, as well as lower IQs.
According to Dr. Dimitri Christakis, associate professor of pediatrics at the University of Washington, the rapidly moving images on TV and in video games may rewire the brains of very young children, making it difficult for them to focus on slower tasks that require more thought (Pediatrics, April 2004). And that’s just one of many, many studies done on the topic. Just think, if we don’t limit screen time, we may actually be hindering our kids’ intellect!
Electronics cause us to feel as though we must be entertained.
I saved the worst for last. Mostly because this is such an issue in our society. People are walking away from the church in droves because it’s “boring.” Children fail to focus in school and struggle to graduate because it’s, again, “boring.” This is our fault. Ahem. (Yeah, me too.)
For decades we have been increasing the level of “entertainment” given to children. Our toddlers are spending 6-8 hours (or more) in front of a screen because our lives are too full to tend to them. And it’s OK because there are plenty of educational options, right?
Wrong. Just because TV or electronics have educational value does not make them the answer. They quickly cause one or maybe all of the above issues, and we are then back at square one. And on top of that, we’ve now taught our children that our primary job as their parents is to entertain them when they are bored or when we think they might be incapable of sitting still.
Oh, I’m so guilty of this, and it makes me mad at myself for giving in. Left to themselves, kids can and will find ways to entertain themselves. And their ways are usually so much more profitable, educational, and healthy than an iPad app. As a parent, I greatly desire this for them, which is why I want to limit screen time in a healthy way.
I found the book The Tech-Wise Family to be a great resource for helping me to see what this should look like.
How to Limit Screen Time
So maybe I’ve convinced you that we need to limit screen time, but the thought of the battle that will ensue with your kids gives you hives. I get it. But these tips, applied consistently, can help our kids learn to set their own limits and battle those pitfalls noted above.
Teach that screens are a privilege.
Unloving words or actions means the privilege is taken away. This could be a natural consequence for kids, especially if unloving words were said to a sibling while playing a video game or if unloving words were said to you as the parent when you asked for screens to be turned off.
Only allow screens after chores or schoolwork are finished.
Setting this expectation up front helps teach the above, that screens are a privilege.
Have kids earn screen time in relation to how much time they spend reading or creating.
If we give our kids space to create, they will create. They may build a fort with sticks in the backyard or blankets in the living room. Taking away screens for a specified time of creation or reading is a good exchange for screen-time minutes.
Verbalize a daily time limit.
Verbalizing to the kids how much time they get on screens each day lets them know the expectation. Once they reach the limit, it’s time to turn it off. Done and done. Sure there’s space for grace, but only if the other expectations have been met and they’ve appropriately asked.
Set time limits on the actual device.
Many devices these days have time limits you can set directly on the device. Once the time limit is met, the device stops working without a parental code. Research your child’s particular device to see how to set parental limits.
Have an electronics “lock-box.”
This is particularly good for mealtimes. If your child is tempted to bring their device to the table, have a box that all the electronics get put into during the meal. Then you can have a family conversation at the dinner table—a novel idea.
Shut off the internet in your house during certain times of day.
This may be the last resort to limit screen time, but one option is to turn off the internet in your house. This way, even you won’t be as tempted to scroll the internet.
Use apps or software to help set limits.
There are many options on the market to help parents limit and/or control screen time. You could utilize the device’s built-in restrictions settings to create downtime or block certain sites. You could also use something like Eero to help set limits.
The answer seems obvious: All forms of electronics (TV, video games, tablets, and computers) should be VERY carefully limited and monitored. Instead of mindlessly agreeing, as parents, we need to calculate the cost.
I know it’s hard. Kids love their screens (and parents like the peace it gives us). But setting appropriate and thoughtful limits on screen time will help them in the long run. They may even thank you one day.
Get more tips here —→ How to help kids obey
How do you limit screen time with your kids? I’d love to hear more ideas!
Resource for Teaching Obedience
If you’re struggling with your kids in their obedience, one key is teaching them why they need to obey. Obey is a Bible study for kids that teaches them the why and the how of obedience. The Obey Bible Study is part of our Relationships Series, designed to teach your kids Biblical principles for developing and strengthening Christian relationships. Each bundle contains five age-appropriate Bible studies: Obey, My Brother’s Keeper, Making Peace, Becoming a Servant, and Navigating Friendships— plus, some fun bonus items!
More posts about obedience
- How to Think of Better Punishments for Kids (especially when we’re mad)
- Is Kids Time Out Effective
- 5 Tips for Your Disobedient Child
- Pointing a Rebellious Child to God
- Teaching Your Child the Importance of Obedience
- How to Get Kids to Listen
- How to Teach Your Kids to Stop Interrupting
- When Your Child Embarrasses You in Public
- 3 Christian Discipline Questions to Ask Your Kids
- How to Get Kids to Stay in Bed
Through practical tools & Bible-based resources, Kim Sorgius is dedicated to helping your family GROW in faith so you can be Not Consumed by life’s struggles. Author of popular kid’s devotional Bible studies and practical homeschooling tools, Kim has a master’s degree in education and curriculum design coupled with over 2 decades of experience working with kids and teens. Above all, her most treasured job is mother and homeschool teacher of four amazing kiddos.
I wholeheartedly agree! Electronics can be a slippery slope indeed. We have always been careful with screen time, but I find that every once in awhile it helps to take a “screen fast”. My children actually have much improved behavior when screens are not a factor.
We do enjoy audiobooks. I recently purchased my oldest two personal cd players to play audio books but found I had to regulate even those. They were walking around the house listening to their books with headphones in:-) Even though the activity is worthwhile, it becomes detrimental when used in a fashion that shuts others around them out.
You are so right. My kids sometimes listen to music (HYMNS even) and it becomes and issue because they are oblivious to the family. Thanks for the reminder!
My 10 yr old is OBSESSED with electronics! He would think nothing of playing on them for the entire day if we let him. We don’t. ? We have pretty strict limits in place and if he’s showing signs of entitlement or disregards our rules for use, they are put away indefinitely.
I agree whole heartedly! My husband is a techie by profession, and that means more electronics. Up until recently I had only allowed one TV in our home to help combat “media addiction”. And when my oldest daughter turned 1 I turned off our cable because I realized that I was starting to fall into the trap of letting the TV raise my kid and not me. It is such an easy trap to fall into! Now I closely monitor time spent on TV and computer (I do not own a tablet). We start homeschooling this year and am using an online curriculum, which I am worried will reinforce the entitlement and media thrall, but am trying to balance with plenty of outside activity, hands on learning, and church volunteer time. Following your blog on pinterest has been a great blessing!
Thanks for your sweet words. Sounds like you have a great handle on this issue!
This has been on my mind a lot lately. Our kids spend a minimal amount of time on electronics minus my senior in high school who is on her phone A LOT. I have been feeling like I need to find a way to train my younger high schoolers how to use technology (it is here to stay, right?) in moderation and in a way that won’t overrun their lives when they are on their own. For a while, my game plan was no phones until they were on their own, but I feel like I owe it to them to help them develop some skills in self control. Any suggestions?
I agree! Thank you, Kim, for tackling this difficult subject head on. Even as parents we have to be careful with electronics. How easy it is to get annoyed with our children (parenting duties) because we are engrossed in electronics! This temptation is even greater for our children. Thanks for the excellent reminder.
i took my kids last night to a soccer game. It was a firefighters vs police benefit. After 35 minutes my kids were whining that they were tired and just wanted to go home (we are home a LOT and these are 10 and 14 year olds… My two year old was having a blast in the grass) I was so irritated. They wanted to come home so they could watch tv and and play video games. This really opened my eyes to what is happening to my children. When I was a kid I NEVER wanted to be home.
Wonderful article. I couldn’t agree more. I even read an article about how learning is enhanced by handling real books rather than virtual sources. But I can’t get past the money-saving, space-saving, and practical nature of online learning, e-books, and computer programs…. What to do? But we do try to limit screen time and use real books and paper as much as possible.
We have never had video games, and haven’t had a tv in a few years. We have two laptops (no games or educational software), basic kindles, no cell phones for kids. We have no movies unless we rent them. We have documentaries that we watch on the laptop or portable dvd player. We used to do educational software, but felt our kids were getting hooked. We watch maybe 30 minutes of documentaries each week and that is it.
When we had tv, movie dvds, and educational software we saw the fighting and disobedience start. Our kids forgot how to play. My younger brother is 4 yrs older than our oldest and we saw how electronics affected him and knew we did not want that. We look at our nieces and nephews and know that we made the right choice for our kids.
I have a similar stance and have never regretted it!
I think you are totally right! The worst mistake we can do as parents is resolving situations by thinking in short term results. I have a 2 yo little girl, when she was a baby we traveled to the beach a lot, at first she cried almost the whoooole 2 hours it tooked us to get there, my husband begged me to let him put a tablet and let her watch anything, but NO. The result: now we can go on a 4 hours long trip and she just sings with us, talks to us and eventually falls asleep (even if she just woke up 1 hour before). I am totally convinced that everything we allow must give our children long term benefits, rather than solving short term “problems”.
So true. I have 2 ipads/3kids but one is under year 1, so for now its mine (kids say) and I remind them no- one is daddys and one is mums so that they wont chase eachother if one of ipads has less bateries…so I tried all- timing 30min a day, 2x 30min…now its screen free day tuesdays and thursdays, for everybody, no screen day no ipad iphone (calls and sms are ok since this is a households phone) but in a sence of sutf the internet. You tube is a problem and all these collectors that make money on kods watching them open toys and minecraft and such…
And it s true- longer time kids sitt there and you disturb them they screem or similar.
First time they didnt know what to do these screen free days: it was sooo boring they said, vine about can we get ipad!?
Some days are better now but I will not gove upp..9yearold start playing gitar and sports 2 days a week, fridays he can play ipad freely and weekens I make them go do things so they dont have time for ipad…but its not easy or finished yet. Both of them got their eyes checked as well, and dr said no more then 30min a day. ??
I think I’m going to share this article on Facebook, and I’m really truly not trying to be ironic or anything. We raised our kids without TV from 1980 to 2000. After other spiritual commitments, I consider that one of the best commitments (it’s paid of) we made.
Love it. Thanks for sharing. We don’t have a TV either and I’m so thankful even now!
I’m 77. What did we do with our spare time before computers, Ipods and TV?. Where did we go wrong? Was it when we went to the cinema for Saturday morning matinees and walked home with the bag of chips in a newspaper, and technology has just got worse from then on?..We are also now told that on average we are each made up of 30 billion human cells and 39 billion bacteria cells living on or off us. We are already losing out without the electronics, I’m off down the allotment to help Dad like when I was 10. All I needed was a fork or spade.
Excellent article. I agree with all your points 100%. It truly scared me to think where our children will be in a few years. I just wrote a post entitled “Stop Dogitally Sedating Your Kids”. http://growingplay.blogspot.com/2016/04/stop-digitally-sedating-your-kids.html?m=1
Love this article. The biggest thing I struggle with though is that if my kids and their friends want it, and we don’t have it, they will go elsewhere. And when they are playing video games at a friend’s house I have no control. I want to monitor what they are playing and for how long. I want my house to be the place to be, not someone elses. But I would really love to get rid of the electronics altogether.
I totally agree that if left to themselves without gadgets, children can find better ways to entertain themselves. My children 10 and 6) do this all the when I refuse to renew cable subscription. I find they get “glued” to anything that has a screen. , even if if Bible journey!
Curious your thoughts on electronics for school work (Reading Eggs) or video playlist of praise and worship songs (family seeds) that kids dance along with?
Hi Jazmine,
Using online and electronic resources for learning can be very helpful and useful!
We do recommend limiting screen time for purely entertainment purposes.
Suzanne@NotConsumed
My oldest 3 haven’t had too many issues with me limiting screen time. They can have it, and when I say it’s time to be done they’re ok with it (for the most part!). But my youngest can’t seem to get any screen time without it becoming the only thing he can think about. It doesn’t matter if it’s only 30 min a day, or what.
So I finally started allowing some screen time only on the weekends. It hasn’t solved all of our issues (because the youngest STILL talks about screen time and his games all week long) but it has solve a lot of the issues. No more rushing through chores and school to try to squeeze screen time in before piano lessons come to the house (I teach piano), no more asking for it in the evenings when we can have family time instead, etc. It has made life so much simpler not to try to “fit” screen time in.
Very timely. I was just thinking the other day that we NEED to do something to control the electronic takeover and addiction in our home! My husband and I read this and discussed our plan of action. We decided to not allow electronics M-F (phones only allowed when they’re out-sports, youth group, work-so they can call if there’s an emergency) and limited use in the weekends. We also plan to change out the kids phones for “dumb” phones. Thank you for your input.
Reading this post was timely for me. We’ve just finished a two week screen detox (Digital Detox by Molly DeFrank is a great resource, as is Growing Up Social by Gary Chapman and Arlene Pellicane). It helps to explain to the kids why we are limiting screens. My teenager was addicted to the point of sneaking YouTube after bedtime and lying about it. I had her read the chapter from Growing Up Social on how screens affect our brains, plus a complete break from any entertainment screens, including the drawing app on her computer. She even voluntarily read the Digital Detox book. We had the whole family join a couple weeks later. The increase in peace in my home has been significant. Going forward, we are limiting screens that isolate us and entertain us, the ones that give us that hit of addicting dopamine, to only a few hours on the weekends.
Our go-to parenting method is to find a bible verse that speaks to our situation. For gaming and tech time, a friend pointed out this one: “Everything is permissible for me, but not all things are beneficial. Everything is permissible for me, but I will not be enslaved by anything [and brought under its power, allowing it to control me].” 1 Cor 6:12 AMP
We try very hard in our home to not be dominated by anything of this world. Tech is one of those things that can quickly get out of control! We do struggle and as a result I see every one of these caveats at times. The important thing is that we catch it, recenter ourselves on the amazing word of God, and move ahead in joy and love. God Bless, y’all.