She was probably about 4.
I watched as her grandma pulled her into the restaurant and sat her at the table. Grandma opened the tablet and started a game before heading to the line. It was Wednesday afternoon and Firehouse Subs wasn’t really all that busy. Grandma waited behind one person, ordered, and then sat down. Their food was delivered about two minutes later and that was when the scene got ugly.
Grandma took the tablet away and she let out a squeal that I’m sure could be heard down the street. “I was playing with that!” She spat at the poor lady. “Your food is here. Don’t you want to eat?” her grandma desperately pleaded.
“Not now.” She barked back.
The rest of the lunch went much like you would expect. Grandma gave the tablet back and ate her lunch while the kid’s meal sat untouched.
Now before we jump to any conclusions, I won’t even pretend to know the circumstances of this little girl’s life and what could be behind Grandma’s motives to allow her to behave that way. Her daddy might have left her mom the day before. Or perhaps her parents were killed in a tragic car accident. Perhaps there are some special needs that I am not aware of. As parents (and grandparents) there are sometimes situations that cause us to overlook behavior, whether that’s a good move or not.
I would never judge based on the observations made from afar. But it did make me think about what electronics are doing to my own parenting. Maybe you are like me and purposely avoided video games from the beginning, but somehow never considered the “tablet” a danger. I have to admit that it seems silly now, but at first it just didn’t come across as a big deal. I didn’t spend much time thinking about it. They seemed like a great idea.
The longer we’ve had these little tablets, the peskier they have become. They cause fights among siblings, create some sort of “selective hearing vacuum” for the user, and that’s just the beginning.
So the question seems fair. Could it really be that electronics are working against us?
Let’s consider some facts…
Electronics lead to disobedience.
Have you ever told a child to do something and gotten this response: “In a minute… I need to finish this level”? If you let your kids play video games or small electronic devices, I know you have. On the surface it doesn’t seem all that harmful. They just asked for an extra minute, right? But it doesn’t usually end up this way. We find ourselves hollering again several times in the minutes that follow. Trust me, I’m guilty, too.
The trouble is, these subtle little times of disobedience snowball into that nasty “teenage beast” that we are all trying to avoid. It doesn’t happen all at once, but these electronic devices begin to seep into all areas of our kids’ lives. One day we wake up and realize that somewhere between Minecraft and Angry Birds, we gave up our most important job as parents- to train our kids to obey!
Electronics lead to addictions and an even deeper loss of self-control.
Recently my youngest child (age 5) was out of town. When I talked to him on the phone he asked me if I would grab his iPad and check on his dragons because if he didn’t feed them, they would die. I’ll admit, it was cute and funny. But it once again reminded me of the goal of the app developers. They aren’t seeking to just entertain my child while I am sitting in the doctor’s office or driving on a long trip. They are aiming for that “can’t-put-this-game-down” syndrome. And they have succeeded. Here my son was, far away from the house, and all he could think about was feeding these imaginary dragons.
If you think I’m being a little over dramatic here, consider Candy Crush or Farmville. I’ve actually had many adult friends who have cancelled their Facebook pages because they couldn’t stop playing these games and it was affecting their ability to parent. Trust me- this is exactly the intention of the game makers. Well, not so much the quitting part. They want people to play non-stop at any cost to themselves. Just think for a second about the message this sends to our kids regarding what is important in life and how to resist temptation.
Electronics make us feel entitled.
Yeah, I know that just about any possession can do this, but for some reason the iPad in our home is the main nemesis. I can’t help but think about the story If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. The mouse just gets a little cookie and before long he is ready to take over the whole house. He can’t get enough and this causes him to lose his place as a guest.
I think electronics have this same impact. Kids get one game and suddenly they are entitled to an entire arsenal of instant entertainment. And it doesn’t stop there.
Electronics stifle our thinking.
So I had to throw this one in here just in case you weren’t aware. Researchers have proven time and time again that this type of visual stimulation stifles our thinking. It hinders our ability to sleep well and it has been linked over and over again to hyperactivity in children, as well as lower IQs.
According to Dr. Christakis, associate professor of pediatrics at the University of Washington, the rapidly moving images on TV and in video games may rewire the brains of very young children, making it difficult for them to focus on slower tasks that require more thought. (Pediatrics, April 2004) And that’s just one of many many studies done on the topic.
Electronics cause us to feel as though we must be entertained.
I saved the worst for last. Mostly because this is such an issue in our society. People are walking away from the church in droves because it’s “boring.” Children fail to focus in school and struggle to graduate because it’s again “boring.” This is our fault. Ahem. (Yeah, me too.) For decades we have been increasing the level of “entertainment” given to children. Our toddlers are spending 6-8 hours (or more) in front of a screen because our lives are too full to tend to them. And it’s ok because there are plenty of educational options, right?
Wrong. Just because TV or electronics have educational value does not make them the answer. They quickly cause one or maybe all of the above issues and we are then back at square one. And on top of that, we’ve now taught our children that our primary job as their parent is to entertain them when they are bored or when we think they might be incapable of sitting still.
Oh, I’m so guilty of this and it makes me mad at myself for giving in. Left to themselves, kids can and will find ways to entertain themselves. And their ways are usually so much more profitable, educational, and healthy than an iPad app. As a parent, I greatly desire this for them.
So what are we to do about this?
Well, I’ve never pretended to be a parenting expert before today and I won’t start now. But the answer seems obvious: all forms of electronics (TV, video games, tablets, and computers) should be VERY carefully considered. Instead of mindlessly agreeing, as parents, we need to calculate the cost. I don’t know that I think this means we should never have any of these things. In fact, it probably doesn’t mean that.
Perhaps it means that we don’t have as many devices or perhaps it means that they are limited in use. Maybe we would best benefit from a daily internet password allowing kids access only after other activities have been completed.
Whatever it looks like, one thing is for sure. There is going to be much intentionality when it comes to anything that has a screen in my house.
What do you think?
Becky {Milo & Oats} says
I wholeheartedly agree! Electronics can be a slippery slope indeed. We have always been careful with screen time, but I find that every once in awhile it helps to take a “screen fast”. My children actually have much improved behavior when screens are not a factor.
We do enjoy audiobooks. I recently purchased my oldest two personal cd players to play audio books but found I had to regulate even those. They were walking around the house listening to their books with headphones in:-) Even though the activity is worthwhile, it becomes detrimental when used in a fashion that shuts others around them out.
Kim Sorgius says
You are so right. My kids sometimes listen to music (HYMNS even) and it becomes and issue because they are oblivious to the family. Thanks for the reminder!
Lisa says
My 10 yr old is OBSESSED with electronics! He would think nothing of playing on them for the entire day if we let him. We don’t. ? We have pretty strict limits in place and if he’s showing signs of entitlement or disregards our rules for use, they are put away indefinitely.
Arlie says
I agree whole heartedly! My husband is a techie by profession, and that means more electronics. Up until recently I had only allowed one TV in our home to help combat “media addiction”. And when my oldest daughter turned 1 I turned off our cable because I realized that I was starting to fall into the trap of letting the TV raise my kid and not me. It is such an easy trap to fall into! Now I closely monitor time spent on TV and computer (I do not own a tablet). We start homeschooling this year and am using an online curriculum, which I am worried will reinforce the entitlement and media thrall, but am trying to balance with plenty of outside activity, hands on learning, and church volunteer time. Following your blog on pinterest has been a great blessing!
Kim Sorgius says
Thanks for your sweet words. Sounds like you have a great handle on this issue!
Sarah Kang says
This has been on my mind a lot lately. Our kids spend a minimal amount of time on electronics minus my senior in high school who is on her phone A LOT. I have been feeling like I need to find a way to train my younger high schoolers how to use technology (it is here to stay, right?) in moderation and in a way that won’t overrun their lives when they are on their own. For a while, my game plan was no phones until they were on their own, but I feel like I owe it to them to help them develop some skills in self control. Any suggestions?
Anna Joy says
I agree! Thank you, Kim, for tackling this difficult subject head on. Even as parents we have to be careful with electronics. How easy it is to get annoyed with our children (parenting duties) because we are engrossed in electronics! This temptation is even greater for our children. Thanks for the excellent reminder.
Mandy says
i took my kids last night to a soccer game. It was a firefighters vs police benefit. After 35 minutes my kids were whining that they were tired and just wanted to go home (we are home a LOT and these are 10 and 14 year olds… My two year old was having a blast in the grass) I was so irritated. They wanted to come home so they could watch tv and and play video games. This really opened my eyes to what is happening to my children. When I was a kid I NEVER wanted to be home.
Jo says
Wonderful article. I couldn’t agree more. I even read an article about how learning is enhanced by handling real books rather than virtual sources. But I can’t get past the money-saving, space-saving, and practical nature of online learning, e-books, and computer programs…. What to do? But we do try to limit screen time and use real books and paper as much as possible.
Laurie Race says
We have never had video games, and haven’t had a tv in a few years. We have two laptops (no games or educational software), basic kindles, no cell phones for kids. We have no movies unless we rent them. We have documentaries that we watch on the laptop or portable dvd player. We used to do educational software, but felt our kids were getting hooked. We watch maybe 30 minutes of documentaries each week and that is it.
When we had tv, movie dvds, and educational software we saw the fighting and disobedience start. Our kids forgot how to play. My younger brother is 4 yrs older than our oldest and we saw how electronics affected him and knew we did not want that. We look at our nieces and nephews and know that we made the right choice for our kids.
Kim Sorgius says
I have a similar stance and have never regretted it!
Barbara says
I think you are totally right! The worst mistake we can do as parents is resolving situations by thinking in short term results. I have a 2 yo little girl, when she was a baby we traveled to the beach a lot, at first she cried almost the whoooole 2 hours it tooked us to get there, my husband begged me to let him put a tablet and let her watch anything, but NO. The result: now we can go on a 4 hours long trip and she just sings with us, talks to us and eventually falls asleep (even if she just woke up 1 hour before). I am totally convinced that everything we allow must give our children long term benefits, rather than solving short term “problems”.
Bella says
So true. I have 2 ipads/3kids but one is under year 1, so for now its mine (kids say) and I remind them no- one is daddys and one is mums so that they wont chase eachother if one of ipads has less bateries…so I tried all- timing 30min a day, 2x 30min…now its screen free day tuesdays and thursdays, for everybody, no screen day no ipad iphone (calls and sms are ok since this is a households phone) but in a sence of sutf the internet. You tube is a problem and all these collectors that make money on kods watching them open toys and minecraft and such…
And it s true- longer time kids sitt there and you disturb them they screem or similar.
First time they didnt know what to do these screen free days: it was sooo boring they said, vine about can we get ipad!?
Some days are better now but I will not gove upp..9yearold start playing gitar and sports 2 days a week, fridays he can play ipad freely and weekens I make them go do things so they dont have time for ipad…but its not easy or finished yet. Both of them got their eyes checked as well, and dr said no more then 30min a day. ??
Janis Kast Harrison says
I think I’m going to share this article on Facebook, and I’m really truly not trying to be ironic or anything. We raised our kids without TV from 1980 to 2000. After other spiritual commitments, I consider that one of the best commitments (it’s paid of) we made.
Kim Sorgius says
Love it. Thanks for sharing. We don’t have a TV either and I’m so thankful even now!
John Maddams says
I’m 77. What did we do with our spare time before computers, Ipods and TV?. Where did we go wrong? Was it when we went to the cinema for Saturday morning matinees and walked home with the bag of chips in a newspaper, and technology has just got worse from then on?..We are also now told that on average we are each made up of 30 billion human cells and 39 billion bacteria cells living on or off us. We are already losing out without the electronics, I’m off down the allotment to help Dad like when I was 10. All I needed was a fork or spade.
Margaret@GrowingPlay says
Excellent article. I agree with all your points 100%. It truly scared me to think where our children will be in a few years. I just wrote a post entitled “Stop Dogitally Sedating Your Kids”. http://growingplay.blogspot.com/2016/04/stop-digitally-sedating-your-kids.html?m=1
Julie says
Love this article. The biggest thing I struggle with though is that if my kids and their friends want it, and we don’t have it, they will go elsewhere. And when they are playing video games at a friend’s house I have no control. I want to monitor what they are playing and for how long. I want my house to be the place to be, not someone elses. But I would really love to get rid of the electronics altogether.
Buckers says
I totally agree that if left to themselves without gadgets, children can find better ways to entertain themselves. My children 10 and 6) do this all the when I refuse to renew cable subscription. I find they get “glued” to anything that has a screen. , even if if Bible journey!