5 Heart Issues Our Kids Deal With: Teaching Kids to Abide in Christ

Do your kids need help controlling their fleshly desires and attitudes? Discover 5 common heart issues kids face and how to overcome them by learning to abide in Christ.

Everything was going so well. We had eaten fun snacks, played outside, and had some reading time, but now it was time for naps. Suddenly, a storm of emotions materialized out of nowhere and my nephew screamed, “NOOOO! I don’t WANT to take a nap!” and melted onto the floor in a pile of tears and uncontrollable sobs. Of course, I had been expecting some protesting at nap time—but nothing like THIS.

Are you ever surprised at things your kids do or say that seem to come out of nowhere? You can be having the best time and a meltdown happens or hateful words just pour out of their mouths. We repeat “stop hitting your sister” or “we don’t talk that way in this house” over and over. Maybe you even find yourself thinking “didn’t we deal with this problem five times already?”. These issues fill our days. A morning goes from happy and productive to tension-filled and stressful at the drop of a hat. Just when we think we’ve made progress, we find our kids sliding back into fighting, laziness, unkind words, and so much more. So what in the world is going on?

5 Heart Issues Our Kids Deal With

1. The Constant Struggle

The constant struggle that takes place in our homes just about every day isn’t just because our kids are tired, they had too much sugar, or everyone is just on edge. Sure, these things can be factors, but the REAL problem is much deeper. Believe it or not, whether it’s your sweetest kid or the one who keeps you praying, each one of their hearts is wicked! This is true for all of us, whether it’s hateful words, hitting, complaining, selfishness, or outright disobedience. ALL these sin problems come from our hearts.

God’s Word tells us our hearts are deceitful and desperately wicked (Jeremiah 17:9). They can’t be trusted! We are all born this way—with a sin nature that actively resists and rebels against God. We can’t fix our hearts on our own. The problem is too big and too awful—this is why we need Jesus to fix our hearts. This is the first issue—like everyone else in this world, our kids are born with sick, sinful hearts.

The good news is that Jesus heals our hearts when we believe in Him for salvation! But the difficult part is that our flesh—our sin nature—is still with us. Because of this, our hearts are easily led astray, deceived, and corrupted. This is why the command, “Keep thy heart,” in Proverbs 4:23 is so crucial! If all these issues come out of our hearts, we have to pay attention to what we’re allowing into our hearts and discover the sin that hides there as well. It is important for our kids to learn how to proactively guard their hearts from sin ever taking root.

2. Hateful and Hurtful Words

Maybe the clearest way you see the heart issues bubbling up in your house is through the words your kids speak to each other. Where do these hateful words come from? Why does it seem like they CANNOT speak a kind word to each other? Will the constant bickering ever stop? Maybe you’ve asked one or all of these questions. This issue comes from our hearts too! Knowing what we know about our hearts and our kids’ hearts gives us a helpful framework for understanding the constant unkindness in their words. Knowing these things also helps us address the issue at its root instead of just stomping out one fire of bad behavior, only to have it pop up later in a different way.

Just like the fruit growing on a tree tells us about the health of that tree, the words we hear from our kids—the fruit of the tongue—tells us about their hearts! If you have kids who have not accepted Christ yet, it’s really no surprise that angry, hateful, and disrespectful words would come out of their mouths. Their hearts are still taken over by sin! For your kids who are saved, these kinds of words indicate a problem with the thoughts and feelings crowding their hearts. Instead of the love, kindness, patience, and gentleness that come from abiding in Christ, sin fills their hearts. It is only through Christ’s strength and His Spirit working in us that our kids can control their tongues and speak loving and kind words.

3. Continually Experiencing Defeat in Temptation

Maybe it seems like every way we turn, temptations are flying and our kids are falling. We’ve warned them about the danger of bad influences, unwise friends, and even offered help and support. Yet they continually fall prey to temptation. Whether it’s making bad choices when they’re with their friends or reacting to correction in anger and rebellion, these temptations are impossible to triumph over on their own.

Temptations are unique for each of us because we all value and love different things in our hearts. Even our desires for good things can become twisted and grow into sinful desires. The truth about temptation is that our kids are fighting a battle on every side! It’s not just the “bad influences” or “being in the wrong place at the wrong time.” God’s Word makes it abundantly clear that there are several sources of the temptations we face. Unbelievers are enslaved to the wickedness of this world, the power of Satan, and their own flesh (Ephesians 2:2-3). When Christ saves us, He breaks this enslavement, but the evil influences and forces are still there.

We wonder when things will finally get easier or when our kids will finally learn to do right. Just realizing what they are up against in their fight to do right answers that question for us. They will never get to a place where they don’t have to fight. Not only this, but we as parents will never be able to sit back and enjoy kids who have finally “turned out right.” As we saw above, this war is a life-long struggle. It’s a daily battle to defend against sin and make wise choices in the face of temptation.

4. Complaining and Selfishness

You probably know what I’m going to say about complaining, selfishness, and discontentment by now! That’s right—these attitudes are born far before we hear and see them in our kids words and actions. Maybe these are things you’ve seen plague your household. You may even feel defeated because it seems like no matter how generous you are to your kids, they constantly want more. The desires they meditate on and feed their thoughts inevitably come out!

Whether you buy them those Jordans or not, finally relent to their constant declarations that “everyone else has one!”, or spend hundreds of dollars on their chosen sport or hobby—they will want more. I mean, we do this too! We see the mom on social media with the perfectly remodeled kitchen and desire to have one ourselves. Maybe we secretly wish the minivan with the dents, dings, and less-than-perfect paint job would bite the dust so we’d have an excuse to finally replace the vehicle that hurts our pride to drive. We all have desires, and many times they are for good things! Whether it’s our teen’s desire for new kicks or technology, to our desire for a beautifully remodeled house, these desires aren’t necessarily wrong.

But when the desires of our hearts rage with no regard for the goodness and provision of our God, we get into deep trouble. Remember those deceitful and desperately wicked hearts? They will hold on to desires so tightly that they replace God as the Lord of our loves and our life. So if we really want to get rid of the outward symptoms of complaining, whining, and arguing, we have to get to the heart of the issue! This is the only way for any of our kids to have a content heart and develop an attitude of gratitude.

5. Laziness

Maybe the symptom you’re discouraged about seeing in your home is just plain laziness. It might seem like the cause of this laziness is your kids not following instructions or simply getting distracted. Like all these other issues, laziness also starts in their hearts! Laziness often stems from a lack of concern for the needs of others. It’s a “serve me” attitude instead of an “I will serve” attitude. In addition to this, laziness is a fundamental misunderstanding of the fact that God created work and made it a rewarding thing to participate in! Work is not the problem, and neither are the difficulties we often encounter in our work. The problem we and our kids face is the heart issue of not valuing work as a gift from God!

When our kids’ hearts tell them their own ideas and desires are most important, they will not view work as God’s good gift. But when their thinking is transformed by God’s Word and their hearts are filled with Christ’s love, they will be able to work unto the Lord! As they abide in Christ and draw strength from Him, they can get busy doing His work! Even when work is hard, they can gain strength to do these hard things by abiding in Christ!

What to Do With These Heart Issues

Our kids can’t address all of these heart issues on their own! They, like us, are sinful people with deceitful hearts. So first, they need Jesus to free them from the sin they are born enslaved to. Even though Jesus frees us from the bondage of sin, all believers still feel that tug from our sin nature. Our hearts still lean toward sin and pull away from the things of God. This is why our kids must deal with these heart issues by looking for strength and help OUTSIDE themselves. Instead of finding their own way or trying to muscle their way through changing their outward behavior, they must ABIDE IN CHRIST. Without Jesus’ help, we will never have peaceful homes, but more importantly, we will never have transformed hearts and desires.

Do your kids need help learning to abide in Christ and deal with these issues? This is what our Heart Series is all about! Abiding in Christ deals with the heart issues we have and helps us overcome these fleshly desires and attitudes. Through reading Scripture and working through each of the 5 studies in this collection—Keep Thy Heart, Fruit of the Tongue, Do Right, A Content Heart, Work Unto the Lord—your kids can learn how to abide in Christ and have victory over the heart issues they are struggling with.