Teaching Your Child the Importance of Obedience
We don’t want our kids to just look like they’re obeying. We want them to learn the importance of obedience and then desire to obey. These tips can help!
When I first started this parenting gig, it was all about me. *cough*
I did label my discipline efforts like most parents as “good parenting” or “Christian discipleship.” But the truth is I wanted to be a successful mom. I wanted obedient children so that MY life would be comfortable. AND I wanted them to know the importance of obedience so they could be a reflection to others.
I succeeded at my goal. It’s true. You can make a kid obey. As a classroom teacher, I learned many tricks and ways of manipulating behavior so that kids would obey. And it worked—at least for a short time anyway.
As I’ve walked through the years, I have come to realize something huge. There are many kids who obey their parents, and then, once they get out into the world, they walk away from God, their families, and sometimes even worse.
That was the one thing I didn’t want for my kids. I want them to learn that obedience is a good thing. It’s not something to do simply to avoid a spanking or consequence. I want them to understand the importance of obedience as it relates to having a relationship of willing and loving submission to God. And to be honest, it’s out of that obedience that my children will choose to obey me and any other authority in their lives. Without that, I really have little chance at true obedience.
As I continue to watch more and more kids rebelling against rules and parental authority, I notice one big missing link: the “why” behind obedience. I see it in adults, as well. Let’s take speeding for example. Do we stay under the speed limit out of willful submission? Or do we slam on the brakes when we see the cop car over the horizon? Do we obey the law because it’s right? Or just to stay out of trouble?
I think we have a very warped view of obedience on our hands. I suspect that you might be just as guilty as I know I am. The truth is—>as a Christian, we obey the law because God said so. It’s willful submission to the authority that God has placed over us. And unless the law requires us to go against God’s law, we are to obey.
This is the level of importance of obedience I want my kids to adopt. Teaching children to WANT to obey is far more important than teaching them to look like they are obeying. And don’t worry, I get that the first few years of a child’s life don’t really apply to this principle. This is indeed the season when Mom/Dad needs to work toward obedience without giving much explanation. But as your child enters the preschool years, it’s time to start helping them understand that there is much more to obedience than making Mom smile.
Table of Contents
Help children understand the “WHY” behind obedience.
1. Obedience shows that you believe.
1 Samuel 15:22 reminds us that “to obey is better than sacrifice.” What God is trying to teach the Israelites here is that he wants them to obey FAR more than he wants them to pay for their sins through sacrifice. After His Own Heart takes children on a meaningful journey through the books of 1 and 2 Samuel, showing them that what matters more to God than anything else is the attitude of their hearts.
The same is true for us. Obedience is one way we show God that we believe He will do what He said He will do. It’s one way we can outwardly show our inward disposition toward God. He does forgive us when we mess up, but He desires that we strive first to not mess up. That is how we demonstrate true belief.
Conversely, disobedience reveals the exact opposite. It uncovers our depravity, our futile and selfish desires to have things our own way rather than God’s. When we disobey God, it’s like telling Him that He isn’t enough or that we aren’t sure if He will come through for us.
2. Obedience shows love.
Our choice to obey God demonstrates our love for Him. Jesus told His disciples that if they loved Him, they would obey His commands (John 14:15). It doesn’t get much clearer than that! A person who really loves Jesus will be constantly striving toward obedience, not constantly trying to figure out how close he/she can get to the line without going over. (Or calculating how he will be forgiven when he decides to stop sinning.)
It’s in our choice to obey that we demonstrate love for God and what a privilege we have! God has given so much for us that if we truly love Him, we won’t be able to squelch our desire to do anything we can do to show love toward Him.
3. Obedience is a witness to others.
Of course, it would be like a perfect and holy God to build this part into the equation. When we obey God, our life shines a light that is so attractive to others that they can’t help but see God. Conversely, disobedience to God, parents, and/or authority is a huge blow on our testimony to other people.
I remind my kids of this often. Usually with the question, “What kind of witness are you being right now?” It’s important to me that they understand that every single choice they make is influential in the life of those around them.
When we disobey God, parents, and/or authority, we are either influencing a Christian in a negative way or showing a non-Christian that we don’t take God very seriously. Either one isn’t what we are aiming for as God’s children.
Pioneer missionary Hudson Taylor said, “Christ is either Lord of all, or is not Lord at all.” I believe others see our lives that way, too. They don’t weigh out the good things with the bad things and try to decide if we qualify as a Christian. It’s either all or nothing.
In the words of the children’s song, Sermon in Shoes, “walk it and talk it.”
4. Obedience brings blessing.
When we obey God, there is blessing. Plain and simple. The cool thing is that blessing isn’t just for us either! The Bible says that God blesses those who obey for thousands of generations.
When we study this topic, I take my kids through the study of people in the Bible who learned the blessing of obedience like Noah, Abraham, Shadrach, Meshach, Abednego, and so many more.
Help children understand the “HOW” behind obedience.
As a parent, I am always finding little things that I forget to teach my kids. We have to be very careful not to assume they know things. Childhood is for growing and learning. We actually do have to teach our kids every little thing.
This includes teaching them PRACTICALLY what obedience looks like. How do we obey? The Bible teaches we should obey without delay, completely, without question, and joyfully.
I start by showing my kids these truths in the Bible then back it up with reinforcement. We are especially fond of music and audiobooks to do this. Our Obey family Bible study bundle has the option for either “Time Twisters,” a musical drama about obedience, or “The Hedge of Thorns,” a Lamplighter Theatre favorite teaching the importance of obedience.
Kids need lots of reminders when they are learning something new, so be sure you help them with this. That reminds me of one more important thing you should know …
Teaching the importance of obedience doesn’t trump grace.
Little children do not even have the power to obey. They will always fail. It’s through salvation in Christ that we get the power to obey (1 Peter 1:13-14).
No, we will never get it right 100% of the time. Yes, the standard that we set in the outline above is a high one. It’s worth the striving, but we are going to fail.
Instead of getting frustrated with their failures (and mine), I’ve learned to teach my children to ask God for help. They pray prayers such as, “God help me to obey when I get mad” or “God help me to listen to Your voice when I’m heading down the wrong path.”
As adults we ask God to help us, so why not teach our kids to do the same? I also pray for my children (in front of them) that God would give them a desire to obey Him and the strength to choose the right thing. Oh, and I pray that for myself in front of my children, too.
I truly believe that it’s in the humble submission they see in me that will then help them to see the importance of obedience in themselves. Otherwise, the temptation to give up the “try hard” game will be high. They will find themselves in a heap of disappointing behaviors with no hope that they can ever do any better. They need to know that even as adults we struggle with obedience to God and that the only solution is to ask God to help us … DAILY!
I can’t stress enough the importance of teaching children what God’s Word says about obedience. They need to understand how God feels about this important topic, and they need to read it straight from His Word, not just from our lips because we won’t always be there to remind them.
If you’d like help teaching your kids these truths and getting them in the Bible, I’ve developed a Bible study that covers the topic of obedience, both what I discussed above and digging even deeper. I’d love to tell you more about it! The Obey Bible Study is part of our Relationship Series, designed to teach your kids Biblical principles for developing and strengthening Christian relationships. Each bundle box contains five age-appropriate Bible studies: Obey, My Brother’s Keeper, Making Peace, Becoming a Servant, and Navigating Friendships— plus, some fun bonus items!
Get more tips on our resource page → How to Help Kids Obey: A Practical Guide for Biblical Parenting
More posts about obedience.
- How to Think of Better Punishments for Kids (especially when we’re mad)
- Is Kid’s Time Out Effective
- How to Get Kids to Listen
- 5 Tips for Your Disobedient Child
- Pointing a Rebellious Child to God
- How to Get Your Kids to Stay in Bed
- How to Teach Your Kids to Stop Interrupting
- When Your Child Embarrasses You in Public
- 3 Christian Discipline Questions to Ask Your Kids
- How to Limit Screentime and Get Your Kids to Obey
Through practical tools & Bible-based resources, Kim Sorgius is dedicated to helping your family GROW in faith so you can be Not Consumed by life’s struggles. Author of popular kid’s devotional Bible studies and practical homeschooling tools, Kim has a master’s degree in education and curriculum design coupled with over 2 decades of experience working with kids and teens. Above all, her most treasured job is mother and homeschool teacher of four amazing kiddos.
Wow. Kim! All week I have been singing “Trust and Obey” and this morning just put a Chelsea Moon version on You tube before opening my emails – where i found this-what an incredible kind and caring God we serve. Amazing timing – this will be a great Saturday morning activity for my family. Thank you. x
I’d love to purchase a copy of this, but I cannot use PayPal. Could I mail you a check or cash?? This is just what I needed to read today!!
I sent you an email, Tamara.
This is something we are trying to work on/change right now. Our boys obey “most” of the time 🙂 But we fear it is usually out of fear the consequences. We know there must be consequences but are trying to make them more often natural/logical rather than random (am really struggling with this for some things!). And we want to work at changing their hearts regarding obedience. Thank you for your words – very helpful! This study sounds perfect but am wondering if my boys are too young for it? They are 5 and 6? Will they get anything out of it as a bedtime devotional?
Thanks!
Hi Connie,
Your boys will absolutely benefit from it. Since they are on the younger end of the spectrum, you will probably find that you will need to stay very involved. I wrote the study so that the older kids can actually do the study independently, but still provide the option for parents to use it as a family with younger ones. You may find that you don’t want to fill out the pages of the study. That would be fine. You’ll still get a lot of great discussion and spiritual growth from digging into the Word (regardless of writing anything down)!
What bible translation (version) is used in this book?
Hello,
There are no verses actually quoted in the book. I have the kids looking them all up on their own. I did that on purpose to allow for the version of your choice. HOWEVER, I will say that I study in KJV and ESV. If you notice that a question doesn’t seem to have a sensible answer in your translation, you might check the KJV to see if that helps clear it up. This sometimes happens with fill-in-the blank type of things, but I did indeed try to make it really obvious! But again, you should be freely able to use the translation of your choice without hinderance. If you find that to not be true, would you please let me know? I’d really love that feedback!
I bought this, printed it out, and am eager to use it. But then I came across this interesting testimony about a man who grew up as a boy in a household where obedience was pushed in an ungracious way and he says it caused Him to question the faith for years. http://jonrodebaugh.wordpress.com/2014/06/24/when-the-fat-hits-the-fire-why-preaching-obedience-is-cancerous-to-the-soul/comment-page-1/#comment-31
I grew up in a performance-based household where grace was not taught and I still struggle with this. I’m now raising four kids and giving them (I think/hope) more grace and love than I remember receiving, but I am still unsure if they are getting the crux of the gospel. From what I can see, I believe my kids believe in God’s existence, but they have not personally experienced him much and I don’t think they have much of a love for Him. (They don’t even love me enough to obey me and give to them and love them everyday!) They are in a really selfish, disobedient season right now and I’m starving for the peace that obedience brings, but I am tempted to push it and possibly eclipse God’s grace and forgiveness in my desperation!
Your thoughts?!?!
Well, first, the study isn’t at all pushing obedience in an ungracious way. In fact, the entire point of the study is to teach children what God says about obedience, compelling them to desire to obey out of love for God and their parents (and much more.) The story of the pastor is exactly why I wrote this. The Bible does command obedience, but not without grace, mercy, and a very patient and loving God. I hope that you will try it with your kids, but I am not naive enough to think that this study is the answer to having a heart that is after God. In my opinion, the secret to that lies in daily being in His word, whether it’s this study or another. Praying for you, my friend!
Thanks for the timely response. And I wasn’t meaning to communicate that your study was ungracious, I’m just new to all of this and wondering how you balance obedience with grace and if you have seen your kids obey out of love – maybe mine just aren’t old enough for that to happen yet. Prayerful as well… Thanks!
No offense taken at all. I understand completely where you were coming from and I have personally struggled with this, too. I’ve seen so many Christians totally rebel and walk away from God when something in life became a little more attractive. I want a different life for myself (and my kids).
Yes, my kids obey out of love. I actually find that talking to them about all of this really helps. I have one child who really would rather storm out of the room and stay raving mad. I’ve seen a huge change in her since I started talking to her about the why behind obedience and the lack of love and respect that she is showing to God through her behavior.
Generally speaking, the choice to disobey is usually a selfish one. Adults and children chose to satisfy their own interests instead of the authority. Speeding is a great example. We do it out of selfishness- to get there faster or feel the rush, whatever the purpose may be. People don’t speed because they are thinking about the needs of society or authority. Does that make sense?
So with that in mind, I often ask my child, “who are you pleasing right now”. The Bible says we can only serve one master. So you are either pleasing God or yourself. She doesn’t like to be asked that in the moment, but I am watching her become more and more interested in really thinking about that. Her desire to please God is increasing everyday. Which reminds me- I never make it about pleasing others or myself. That could be a dangerous choice. But we can trust God!
I hope this is helpful. I’m glad to keep talking about it, if I can help in any way. 🙂
Great post, Kim. I always try to explain to my toddler why she needs to obey me, but it never gets much further than “because God tells us to obey our parents and God likes it when we do.” So glad to read about your Biblical approach. Thanks so much!
Hi Kim,
This sounds like a great study. I have 2 boys 9/7 and feel just like Melanie above. My paypal won’t be working until at least tomorrow- no biggie. Was really wondering if you had any sample pages you might share?
Thanks for building time into your day to create and offer these resources.
Kristi
Hi Kristi,
Other than the images above, I don’t have any samples. However, if you purchase the study and it’s not a good fit for you, I’m happy to refund your money.
I found this on Pinterest, and I am really interested in history, specifically WWII/Holocaust/Third Reich, obedience, control, and all that. I completely see where you’re coming from with rebelling.
Both of my parents are rebels – not in a bad, drug type way. It’s just my ornery Dad has his own rules – if everyone goes left, he goes right. He is a leader, not a follower. He believes there is an exception to every rule and he normally is that exception. Yet, he is always the hardest worker, the first person to help someone (even if he doesn’t like them), and he always does the right thing.
I think teaching doing the right thing and discernment is much more important than teaching obedience. Like, you pick up your room because I said so, and I am your Mom and the right thing to do is to obey me. I am very uncomfortable with teaching obedience. Like you said, as a teacher you learned how to get kids to obey you. On a broader scale, the government , I don’t believe in teaching obedience, specifically in light of Hitler Youth and the Third Wave Experiment. (both are really interesting) The obedience in both started small and with students obeying teachers without thinking (on little things), and pretty soon the Hitler Youth had bred little Nazi soldiers and the Third Wave Experiment, that only lasted 4 days, accidentally turned into a mini repeat Hitler Youth cult.
I just listened to a podcast of a new movie Return to the Hiding Place, (Hiding Place sequel) and they were talking about how many of the teen Resistance members grew up in Christian families and were taught to obey the government unconditionally, and these teens struggled for a bit what to do..
Anyways, just my opinions, and interested to know your thoughts. (Email me your thoughts)
Thanks,
Samantha
Hi Samantha,
Thank you for your comment. You have brought up something that I’ve heard whispered, but many have not be brave enough to really say. 🙂 I appreciate your thoughts and pretty much agree completely EXCEPT that I think there is nothing wrong with the word obedience. God used it in His word and it has a very specific meaning. It does NOT mean blindly following, having no discernment, etc. Although much of our society has made it that- including evil leaders such as Hitler. I actually address this issue in the study. I think it is not only important to teach children that there are times that we are not expected to obey, but there are times when God calls us to blatantly disobey. A great example is the story of Daniel and his buddies (being lazy with spellings). I used this passage in the study to help kids see that there are times when authority asks us to do things against God’s Word and we will be faced with a very hard situation. But there is no conflict here in God’s Word. He never calls us to obey authority that goes against Him, whether that is a government leader, a teacher, or a parent. If they ask us to so something wrong, we need to stand up for what is right.
What do you think?
I just want to say I love this book and we are only a fourth of the way through. I have been able to keep my kids interested and I am learning also. Thank you for taking the time to pray and receive from the Lord this gift he’s given you as a writer or allowing him to write through you rather. Jessica
Hi Kim,
Kia Ora from New Zealand
I’m really excited about the study and its on my list of purchases. I have one daughter, who turned 6 this month (so 1 year at school). Hoping to convince my husband that this would be a good family study… 🙂
which version would be best?
thanks heaps
Gwenda
Hi Gwenda,
Unless she is a really strong reader/writer (not typical at age 6), I would suggest the junior version. Happy studying!
I just ordered this Bible study and I am very excited to begin it with my children (10,9 and 6). After reading through it, I am impressed with how Biblically solid it was. So many times I find I need to omit one thing or another that I think is not quite right. Thank you for putting this together. I look forward to other resources you put together!
Thank you for sharing that sweet encouragement. I pray that it blesses your family!
I would love to be able to have an actual book. Do you only sell the electronic version?
I’m sorry, I only have electronic for now.
I teach 7th and 8th grade at a Christian school. I love the sound of this study. Most of the kids in my class try to obey because of external consequences, so this sounds like a perfect study. Would it be difficult to adapt to this age level?
I certainly think that this study would be applicable for 7th-8th graders, with minor adaptations (primarily in the area of group discussion). If you decide that you’d like to do it with your school, please contact me for site license information! I’m happy to help.
Hi Kim, I found you via Pinterest and I am really enjoying reading your website and especially your thoughts on obedience. It is a daily struggle in our home. I have a 3 year old and a 16 month old. Your junior book doesn’t begin until age 4. Any advice for the tiny tots?
Hi Laura,
You can use the same tips and principles found in this article and in the study. However, at this stage you will be working mostly on simply getting your child to comply, rather than working on their heart. Developmentally most children don’t begin moral reasoning until around age 5-6. However, you can certainly begin teaching them what is expected! I do have this article that might be helpful: https://www.notconsumed.com/parenting-the-toddler-years/
This sounds like a wise plan. My children are grown, but I will certainly work on this with my grand children. God bless you!
What version of Because I Said So…do you recommend for a nine year old? I see the junior version is for 4-8 year olds.
You’ll want to get the Youth version for your 9 year old. 🙂
Thank you for this. I have the book “Shepherding a Child’s Heart” right next to me as I was reading your article. It sounds just like what this book is preaching. It all points back to God and our relationship to Him. If we have our heart in the right place (focused on Jesus) then we should be able to joyfully obey. I’m really enjoying reading the book I mentioned above so far and am thinking your Bible study would be perfect for me to read after I finish the book. It would be a great way to continue the study further and also pull my children into it with me. Thank you for sharing your heart and your wonderful resources!
I really enjoy this article. It has give me a new way to think. God says if you read my word your mind change, well this is a proof of that. Thank you so much and God bless you