21 Consequences for Kids That Really Work
Ideas from the experts and the trenches, these creative consequences for kids will mean you’re never disappointed with the age-old “time-out” again.
After 13+ years of parenting, teaching 100’s of public school children, and reading more books than I can count, I feel confident in one thing. This parenting thing is HARD, ya’ll. There isn’t a one-size-fits-all answer for our parenting questions. I really thought there was. I believed the formula was the answer.
If you do these steps, your kid will turn out like “this.” You’ve probably heard some of these too…
If you, put them on a schedule…they will sleep through the night at 3 months.
If you are consistent in your training…they will obey the first time you ask.
If you conduct a potty boot camp…they will potty train in less than 3 days.
I have come to realize just how laughable this really is. There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of the above ideas. In fact, most of them have worked for me at least with some of my kids, some of the time. The trouble lies in our demanding that they work in all situations. And if we do that, we are ignoring the fact that children are humans. Natural born, flesh-filled, sinners (Romans 6:23). Even the best of us are prone to give in to momentary pleasures, throwing caution to the wind. Bottom line, there isn’t one consequence for kids that works every time.
So are we hopeless in the quest for getting our kids to do what we ask? Must we throw in the towel on respect and obedience?
Absolutely NOT!
But we might need to change up a few traditional practices if we want to see a change in our kids. We are going to need to get CREATIVE! Hopefully, you’ve figured out by now that kids are different. All of them. Between my four children and the numerous other children I have taught, I have seen everything from perfectionist to uninterested, compliant to defiant, thoughtful to manipulative, and calm to active. The list goes on and on and I certainly haven’t seen it all.
I need unique consequences for each of my kids and each situation will need some creativity. So let’s look at some creative ways to get to the heart of the matter and spur them towards that respect and obedience we so greatly desire as parents.
Table of Contents
Start with obedience
Before we can even get to the business of giving consequences for kids for wrong behavior, we need to set the stage for obedience. Our kids need to know exactly what is expected of them and why. They also need to understand the importance of obedience, consequences of disobedience, and how/why we have authority over them to begin with. With little ones, this knowledge can wait, but if your child is over the age of 5, it’s time to make sure he/she understand these things before giving out consequences.
If this isn’t something you’ve done with your kids, click on the image below for tips and ideas to get the conversation started.
Create simple rules
Rules should be few and simple. You can’t create a constitution full of detailed circumstances because your kids will indeed come up with a new behavior not covered. Instead, make 1-3 simple rules that encompass the atmosphere you want to create for your family.
They can’t be too difficult to remember or too vague that they include loopholes. For a long time, my rule was simply LOVE. Quite some time ago, my friend Lara introduced me to her version of this concept…Love Up and Love Out. First, we love God and serve Him. Second, we love others through our love for God. I’ve used that saying ever since. After all, love covers a multitude of sins and this rule really does covers every offense in my home.
I might ask: How are you showing love in this situation? Is there something that you could do to be more loving? When you didn’t pick up that shoe on the stairs, do you think you showed love and concern for the well-being of your family who might trip over it?
The Bible says that the greatest commandment is love. Teaching our kids to put this at the foundation of their choices reinforces this truth and it helps kids to understand the importance of obedience.
Get creative with your consequences for kids
As much as possible, I avoid terms like “time-out” and “restriction.” For the most part, I have found that a blanket consequence for kids is ineffective in molding hearts and changing behavior. This is where natural and logical consequences come in.
A natural consequence will be administered without mom’s help. For example, a child runs on the sidewalk, trips, and skins his knee. Natural consequence. Ouch.
A logical consequence for kids is closely related to the offense and is aimed at teaching responsibility for your actions. This consequence is administered by a calm and collected adult wishing to help children make wise choices. They aren’t one size fits all and don’t even need to be the same every single time. The idea is to find something that hurts enough to change the behavior, leaving a related memory for next time the child considers doing the same thing. For example, if you take away a party with friends because a child leaves his bike in the snow, it’s not directly related and may not be effective. If you take away the bike- now we’re talking.
Whenever possible, I include scripture with consequences, but don’t beat yourself up about this and don’t preach a sermon either. I find that the best faith-based discussions are done when kids are not in the thick of trouble. In the moment they are focused on the consequence, guilt, and pain. If you lecture, kids might get defensive and it will be wasted. Save it for a time when there is no conflict.
Before you give consequences to kids
It’s vital that we evaluate the situation objectively before giving our kids consequences. The more level-headed we can be, the more impact it will have on their hearts. I ask my self 4 questions before giving a consequence. In the video above, I detail these questions. Here is a short summary.
—> Is this a sin against God’s law or an inconvenience for me?
—> Is this foolishness or childishness?
—> Do I desire to look good right now?
—> Have I given my kids the grace I expect to be given to me?
If we honestly evaluate those questions and still feel the child needs a consequence, it’s pretty safe to say that it’s not being given in irrational anger. Again, watch the video above for a detailed look at what each question means.
Creative consequences for kids
If you can’t find your shoes, mom will help you find them, but there will be a finder’s fee.
If you can not behave kindly toward your family, mom will assume that you need some time to think about it and send you to another room to sit (usually the bed).
If you fight with your sibling, I will assume you have nothing better to do and give you a chore.
After you are sent into a room to clean up, I come behind and take the items that were left out. I assume that you no longer want these items and place them in “toy time out” for a week. (Mom could also donate the items, if this is a chronic problem.)
If you are tipping your chair back, I will assume that it is unsafe for you to use it and you will stand for the remainder of dinner.
If you do not have good table manners, you will be asked to dine elsewhere.
If you are too loud, whiny, or speaking unkindly, you will lose the freedom to speak. (Works really well in the car, too.)
If you can’t get ready for an activity on time, I will deduct that amount of time from the activity once we get there. (Remember not to punish mom or the siblings because of one child’s negligence.)
A few creative consequences for kids from my friends...
If they play around instead of getting ready for bed, we don’t have time for stories. ~Christy
The kids weren’t diligent to do their schoolwork today so there wasn’t time to go to the library. ~Debby
Somebody ate his treat without permission so he did not get his treat later when everyone else was eating theirs. ~Julie
If teachers offer incentives for extra work or even situations like AWANA, I don’t nag them…I let them feel what it’s like not to get the reward or fun prize. ~Tiana
You splash water out of the tub, you wipe it up (works for any mess). ~Leslie
If you don’t eat what mama cooks you’re gonna be hungry! ~Amy
The rule is: We pay for half your car. We own the bottom half. If you’re being irresponsible, our half (the one with the wheels) stays home, in the driveway. ~Pam
We’ve set a “start-getting-for-bed time” and a “lights-out-time.” If they get ready fast, they can use the remainder to read. If they play around getting ready for bed, they can’t… the lights out time doesn’t change. ~Josh
I also don’t cap markers that were left uncapped. Dried out markers are no fun. ~Leslie
A few ideas from Creative Correction by Lisa Whelchel…
About an hour before bed, have a whole house “clean sweep.” Set the timer for 15 minutes. For each item left out after the timer goes off, the kids go to bed 5 minutes earlier.
If you have forgotten to put away an item and it has been confiscated, you can buy it back for $1.00.
If a chore is not done diligently, have your child practice doing it over and over again. She will learn more from sweeping the floor 3-4 times because her first effort wasn’t done well.
If siblings can’t stop fighting, have them go the whole next day without the pleasure of each other’s company. They can’t talk, eat, play, or do school in the same room.
Creative consequences for kids printable
We’ve created a free printable to make it easier to think of consequences when you need them. Hang this free printable on your fridge or inside a cabinet as a quick reminder when you need it or as inspiration for other ideas.
To get your FREE creative consequences printable, enter your information below.
Further help with consequences for kids
God is always just. There will be a consequence. Even if it never becomes obvious to us. Teaching your children that lesson now reaps great benefits both spiritually and physically. If you heard anything at all in this post, I hope you heard that parenting is not a one-size-fits-all activity. Some of these ideas might not work. Some great ideas were not even listed here. And most importantly, no one is speaking badly about any parenting ideas. Here in the trenches, we need all the help we can get.
Mom, you rock. You are loved and treasured even with peanut butter in your hair. Keep doing this thing.
Need help thinking of a consequence for kids when you are mad? Read How to think of a Better Consequence When You are Mad
Need toddler ideas? Read Parenting the Toddler Years.
Get more obedience tips here —→ How to help kids obey
If you’d like to lead your child through a Bible study on obedience, I wrote Obey to help us as parents teach our kids the how and the why behind obedience. I pray it blesses you in your parenting journey!
More posts about obedience
- Pointing a Rebellious Child to God
- Is Kid’s Time Out Effective
- 5 Tips for Your Disobedient Child
- Teaching Your Child the Importance of Obedience
- How to Get Your Kids to Stay in Bed
- How to Teach Your Kids to Stop Interrupting
- When Your Child Embarrasses You in Public
- 3 Christian Discipline Questions to Ask Your Kids
- How to Limit Screentime and Get Your Kids to Obey
- How to Get Your Kids to Listen
Through practical tools & Bible-based resources, Kim Sorgius is dedicated to helping your family GROW in faith so you can be Not Consumed by life’s struggles. Author of popular kid’s devotional Bible studies and practical homeschooling tools, Kim has a master’s degree in education and curriculum design coupled with over 2 decades of experience working with kids and teens. Above all, her most treasured job is mother and homeschool teacher of four amazing kiddos.
I am now a grandmother and yes I used some of these when my children were growing up. Now I watch children and one of the things I have found that helps is asking them to have a sweet spirit for Jesus. If I don’t think they are having a sweet spirit, I ask them if it is a sweet spirit and would Jesus want to be around right now. (Cause I have already explained that he is always near)> This really has made an impact on me watching them and also some of my parents have noticed how it works and use it at home. Great post !
My favorite fix for arguing kids came from a friend of mine. He mother didn’t care if they argued —-but, they had to sing it. Yep. Sing. It is hard to bicker through song 🙂
I am sitting here crying so hard, I can barely type. I received guardianship of 2 grandkids because their mother deserted them. You talk about angry!! and I get the butt end of it all. I’ve been hit, punched in the head, and had my arm broke. I could never find any help online about this kind of anger before, now I have found this site. It is perfect. I feel such a relief to know that others are going through this too and there is help. I love the natural consequences. You ladies and gentlemen are so smart. I finally feel like I can make it through this with all your help. And prayers. Please pray for me, I feel like I am starting to break. OH, thank you so much for being here. I now have allies and help. I am not alone.
Oh friend, I am praying over those babies right now and for you as you step out and do what is right for them. Bless you on this difficult journey. Have you seen my new series for hurting children? https://www.notconsumed.com/2012/10/10/parenting-a-hurting-child/
This was so helpful! I have 5 kids…bad attitudes, whining, chores half-done and more and a constant in this house!! I ran out of creative consequences a long time ago!!! 😀 Thank you for sharing this!!
I ran across this post on Pinterest and love it. I’ve used this concept often in nannying and am about to have my first child and plan to implement those policies with him/her. A friend of mine has a teenage son who came home drunk one night and wanted to be left alone to sleep off his hangover the next morning. Instead, she made as much noise as possible, got him out of bed, and had him dig a 6′ hole in the back yard. It was summer, hot and humid, and he learned not to mess with mama. I use the “natural consequences” thing with my husband! We’re newlyweds and there have been a few times where I’ve made specific requests of him that he cannot seem to “remember.” Basically, he just doesn’t like my preference, so he ignores it. After asking several times, getting mad and yelling, and seeing no improvement, I changed my approach. Rather than get mad, I think of a logical consequence for the next time it happens. It’s amazing how I’ve not once had to implement one of those consequences. He remembers. For example, I might calmly tell him that I want the toilet lid down when it’s not in use because I don’t want unwanted things falling into it. If he can’t seem to remember that, he’s likely to find something he values in the toilet. Whoops! I guess that’s just what happens when the toilet lid is left open. I warn him, rather than just doing it, and the problem seems to go away by magic.
I love this parenting concept – everything revolves around love. The only one I disagree with is using bed time as a consequence (making them go to sleep 5 minutes earlier if something is not picked up). I think for all children, nap time and bed time should not be something a child dreads or sees as punishment – after all, children need naps / quiet time / bed time to be so they are well rested – which usually leads to more loving and agreeable behavior 🙂 Otherwise, great article and thanks for sharing!
I have a 7 yr old that tells a lot of lies. Some of these lies are so bad that they have caused serious problems and almost the police on the person she was lying about. I have tried spanking, having her write apology letter to people she involved in her lie, and taking away priviledges. Do you have any suggestions on a good consequence???
Yes, love it. But this is what I need help with…please share your advice! I have a boy who would totally rebel with all these consequences…I know, because I have tried. Rocking in the chair, you must stand. “No!” And it becomes a big battle. You need some time to think…and I send him to his room. He firmly stands and defies. I can’t physically move him, and I don’t want to. This is a growing problem. I don’t understand…we have not spoiled him or given into him at all. We are getting very weary.
How old is he?
Oh, and may I add that we use these with our girls and they respond very well.
These are great! We also have a morning bath-time rule: bath is filled at 7:30 & drained at 7:50. The quicker they get out of bed & into the bath the more time they have to play. Also, if they’re too full to finish dinner then they’re too full for dessert. If, after the kitchen is cleaned up & closed, they feel hungry they need to eat a healthy, nutritious snack (fruits, veggies, yogurt, sometimes I’ll blend a smoothie). In our house snacks are healthy choices & treats are cookies, popsicles, chips, candy, etc.
Great advice …, just wondering if u could explain what u mean by love ‘ up’ and love ‘out’ . What do u say that means to your kids ?
Ta
Love up= love God
Love out= love others
This is my first time stopping by your blog, I found this article pinned on Pinterest, and I have to say, this is absolutely fantastic. This is my first year homeschooling, and have been in need of some fresh ideas…I’ve found I’ve been raising my voice instead of staying calm, and I just don’t care for that at all. Thanks for the wonderful post, such great ideas!
Jen
In my opinion some of these punishments are quite harsh and humiliating; I esp have a problem with the expression “to lose one´s freedom of speech” (human rights don´t apply to everybody?). But I think it´s a good thing to give an explanation for consequences.
I really appreciate reading pages like this one, where it’s obvious that the writer understands that you cant expect good behaviors when you don’t have consequences, but also understands that consequences shouldn’t always be the same for every “crime.” As a nanny, I try my best to make the consequences as related to the problem as possible. Timeouts are usually reserved only for defiant behaviors (especially when tagged onto a misdemeanor, such as not returning a stolen toy or having a tantrum when a consequence is delivered).
Some consequences I’ve used in the past that arent listed above:
–I took care of kids who refused to use the toilet, even though they knew when they had to use the restroom and how to use the toilet (they had learned that they could gain a reaction from their parents when they had accidents, so they would not go when on the toilet and then go, while smiling at you, all over the floor a few minutes later). So, they were required to wait until whatever mess was cleaned up before they could be changed. The behavior stopped pretty quickly after that.
–If we’re out and a child is acting out, they are given 2 warnings. If the 2 warnings are delivered and the behavior does not change, they either have to sit out the rest of the outing (if there are other kids involved), or we pack up and leave.
–If a toy is stolen from another child, they must give the toy back and apologize, then they are removed from the other children until they can play nicely.
–If the child is late for school because of their actions, they lose the same amount of “play time” between the end of school and the start of “homework time”
–When homeschooling (I’ve had families that homeschool over the summer and send kids to regular school during the school year), there is a certain amount of school work that starts after breakfast and ends with an activity (such as going to the park, going to the library, etc). The longer the student takes, the less time is spent on the activity (this only applies when the child is goofing off; if the child does not understand the work, he or she is not docked for the extra time it takes to learn the concept)
–If an older child is acting out too much, he or she is sent to take a rest quietly on their bed. They aren’t allowed to play with electronics or make noise. They may read, write, sleep, play with a quiet toy, etc. And the quiet time will last for about an hour (or however long the child sleeps, if the child has fallen asleep).
–If you wont finish your food, you’ll see it again at the next meal/snack. The only time this doesnt apply is when the child has actually tried it and really does not like it (and you can usually tell the difference between “I dont want to eat this, so I’ll say I don’t like it” and “I really don’t like this”… something about the face gives it away. haha)
It definitely keeps the rate of incidence down when you’re not only consistent, but the consequences arent always the same. It also keeps things from being a game when you’re not “counting to three and then sending them to timeout.”
I’ve also found it’s especially helpful to remind kids of the rules once in a while. I think they dont mean to ignore them, sometimes they just get a little too wrapped up in the moment. So, I’ll start off with a gentle reminder, such as “We dont take toys that dont belong to us without asking, please give it back and ask politely if you can share/play together. If he/she says no, you’ll have to find something else to play with until he/she is done with it.” Or, “If you don’t hurry up, you’re going to be tardy, and people dont like to wait on others.” It reenforces the rule and helps them remember why it’s important. You’ll get a lot less defiance when they understand the consequences and the rule, rather than just one or the other (or worse, neither).
Please tell me, how do you have them “lose the privilege to speak?” mine will just keep talking (she’s 2, is that too young)?
At 2, I would tell her that she lost the freedom to speak and have her put her hand over her mouth. She isn’t going to be totally quiet. The idea is to help her understand that we do not have the right to speak inappropriately or disrespectfully. (God does not give us that freedom- constitutional freedom of speech is another issue completely, but I’ll just point out that we are also constitutionally free to abort babies- yet clearly that is against God’s Word.)
I really love this idea of natural consequences but I was wondering where the line is drawn in terms allowing a child to learn from their actions and stepping in for safety’s sake. Something like letting them trip and fall if they were running inside seems okay, but something like letting them run into traffic because they won’t listen when you say to stop seems very dangerous. I work with teenagers who still don’t seem to have figured out that actions have consequences so they do stupid things like jump down an entire flight of stairs or over the back of a couch and would love to know where the line is on letting them learn and keeping them safe, especially since they’re not my kids but I’m responsible for them while they’re with me.
A resource that really helped me is “Laying Down the Rails” by Sonya Shafer from Simply Charlotte Mason. The book is a TERIFFIC resource for teaching habits. The premise is that habits build character whether good or poor. It lists over 60 habits with guidance for teaching each one. These are basically extracted from the writings of Charlotte Mason, an educator from the 1800s (I believe). They include physical habits, mental habits, spiritual habits, etc. I’ve been using it to teach myself!! Can’t teach what we don’t model right?
One things specifically that it helped me with is remembering that our goal in correction is not simply managing the external behavior but getting to the heart (also very strongly recommend Parenting is Heartwork by Turansky and Miller). Instead of just correcting the bad behavior we work on instilling the positive behavior. If your child says a lie address it and get to the root of it. Did they lie because they were afraid of the consequences (cowardice)? Did they lie because they were being lazy (laziness)? Did they lie because they were trying to get something for themselves (greed)? etc. All these have the same external behavior but very different motivations. So depending on the motivation work on building the corresponding habit – cowardice (being brave, responsibility), Laziness (work ethic), Greed (selflessness) in addition to truthfulness. Use scripture and prayer alongside so that God can move in their hearts.
Hope this helps!
Lots of very good ideas here! I would just make one suggestion concerning making a child sit on the bed as a consequence. The bed should be a restful place, so do your best to never to create unpleasant associations. I’ve known parents who put their children to bed as a punishment and then complain that they have trouble getting their children to go to bed at bedtime.
Great collection! We try to do natural consequences, but sometimes you stand there staring and your mind goes completely blank!!
My mom used to make us offer compliments when she caught us fighting. Sometimes a specific number, based on the insults she heard in the fight or sometimes by a timer if we were really mean 😉
For whining and complaining I tell my children they are “unthankful” and to help them be thankful for all they have I take away toys, lovies, etc.. They are actually happier with fewer toys. If only I could remember that!
I’m curious, what do you do about preteens with behavioral disorders and constantly get suspended from school? What’s an acceptable punishment for three days suspension?
my mom is 82 and I am starting to take more responsibility in her care. The lessons I learned from her certainly come out loud and clear, as I now care for her. Respect is paramount. Teach how you would like to be taught. Children are logical from such a young age it is amazing. I was a super sensitive kid and remember every time my mother raised her voice with me, and fortunately, I can count them on one hand (and was never spanked). I always try to keep in the back of my mind ‘do unto others….’, especially my beloved small children, ‘as you would have them do unto you’. One day they may be caring for you, and this is your opportunity to demonstrate patience, kindness and love when caring for a loved one :o)
Your creative consequences are harsh and I don’t agree with them one bit. You sound like a drill Sargent. You lose your freedom to talk? Donating toys? Finders fee? Really!? I am the first to admit that this requires a lot of patience but repetition and leading by example are imperative. Sure it seems exhausting sometimes but you do reap the benefits and i have to say it is the greatest feeling to know that i taught my child something and it wasn’t because I spanked or put him in time out or threw away his toys. It was because I talked to him, looked into his eyes, got down to his level and empathized. He finally was able to connect the dots!!!! This is ongoing and there are days where I too lose my patience but I give myself some time to breathe. He is not perfect and we always have new things to teach but I do know that my son is indeed human just like you and I except he is innocent and young. Please reconsider your advice. Recent studies have proven that Even 5 year olds don’t understand the difference between right and wrong. We are to guide them and teach with love, patience and determination. We don’t discipline out of fear. I trust him and I know that he is just 4 and that one day he is going to grow up an be a fine young gentleman.
These are fantastic! I’m definitely going to try these with my much younger siblings (18 year age difference) that I watch, because they don’t respect a time out.
There are so many comments on here. I tried to read a good number of them but just don’t have that much time. I’m sorry if someone else already asked this. How do you enforce the “losing the freedom of speech” consequence? I can’t think of a way other than duct tape. 😉
Hi Heather,
You’d be surprised how much you can accomplish by proclaiming something with authority. Can you actually make sound stop? No. When my girls were really little, I would tell them to put their hands over their mouth to help them remember that they had lost the freedom to speak. Great practice for when you are in the doctor’s office and he comes in to speak to you.
If you are in a place where you can remove the child from the room that the family is in, that works too. They may continue to defiantly speak, but you can always remove them from the privilege of doing so with the family.
I have to say, most of these terrify me. They don’t show love, they show control. They show a parent who is determined to win, not necessarily to work WITH a child to teach them a different way. I highly recommend the book “Unconditional Parenting” by Alfie Kohn.
My parents gave my sister a consequence of having to pee outside for a week after she intentionally clogged our toilet. We lived in the woods so it wasn’t a privacy issue… but November in Pennsylvania was a pretty good reminder of why to appreciate indoor plumbing! It clearly made an impression on me and our brother, as well, as it’s the obvious example we always cite when discussing appropriate and relevant consequences for OUR kids’ creative disobedience!
I love the ideas. I think commonsense has to be exercised in not hurting your child – like not burning themselves on the stove — the child could reach for a pot and schoil himself. Don’t fall onto concrete from a height – could break something or fall the wrong way and be permanently damaged. A skid knee is one thing. A knot from a falling plastic cup is one thing. I’m sure most people know the difference a skinned knee and a possible broken neck… but, one can never be too sure.
I would like to hear ideas for toddlers?
Praise God there are people that can speak his word to those of us that need some translation! This is my new favorite blog!
I usually don´t comment on a blog if I just want to critize because people writing blogs put such much work and effort in them… but I have something on my mind after reading your post and I need to say this. I am myself mother of two – aged 3 and 5 – 3 is the heart, all feelings, too much of them – 5 is the head, all thoughts – often too many…
I tried various “methods” with my kids already and most of the time they teach me what I need to know from watching how they react. A very very crucial point that I needed to learn was the difference between Consequence and punishment and since I learned that we get along so much better.
A consequence is what follows out of the action done – and this follows by itself, like when you go out into the rain in your new summerdress, the dress will get wet and wrinkeled and you will not feel comfy in it. That and only that is the consequence.
If I was to say, you are no longer allowed to choose your clothes since you made a bad choice taking the summerdress into the rain, this is not consequence – it does not happen by itself – this is punishment. I forbid you to do something – I might have a reason, but it is something done by mommy.
When I read: “If you are tipping your chair back, I will assume that it is unsafe for you to use it and you will stand for the remainder of dinner.” this made me sad…. I think about what would happen if I did that to my kids….
5 – the head – he would stand there trying to hold back tears, trying to eat a few more bites – he would feel humiliated and hurt and try not to show it and try to understand what he did so bad that I choose to do this to him.
3 – the heart – would burst out in tears crying her eyes out and showing her hurt.
To make a child stand at the table while everyone else sits down – how would you feel yourself in that situation? It is a demonstration of the power the mother holds and it is humiliating to suffer this.
Would you do that to your husband? No – and why not? You would not dare to treat him like that. But you treat your children like that?
What is the consequence of tipping your chair? It might fall over and you hurt yourself – it might not … the chair will in time become more unstable and shabby – it might…
Now I can only speak for my kids but when I tell them not to tipp the chair because I am afraid they wil hurt themselves, they stop it in 8 out of 10 talks. If I look them in the eye and connect with them. Not one of those “hm – yeah – nice – stop that”-talks where we do not really pay attention.
In those two cases where they dont stop to tipp – well , maybe I need to take a closer look …are they bored at the table and can get up already – maybe they are restless because there is something they need to tell – maybe they are excited because there are guest at the table, maybe friends from kindergarten and they try to be cool to impress? There is always a reason and when you look closely you can certainly find another idea than to make you child stand at the table….
Just because a method works, does not mean it is ok to use it.
I always ask myself – how would I feel if I were in their place? Would I feel respected? Would I know what is expected of me and why? Would I feel loved or punished?
AND – how does it make me feel as a mom when I do this – do I feel ok or is there maybe a nagging voice inside saying “this is not love” ….?
A lot of the things I read in your post I really liked and I hope you are not offended by what I wrote – but I had to – I was up late thinking about this and feel it is important to share my view in this case….
Take care !
I am not offended by differing opinion. If you read above, many people have felt the same way you do. Many have written back and begged them to reconsider as we have enough selfish and “entitled” adults. I’ve stayed out of most of this, as I wrote the article and it’s clear how I feel. However, I am writing back to you because of incorrect information in your comment.
A consequence as you describe it is a natural consequence. It does not have to be natural to be a consequence. Psychologists and educators call this “logical” consequences. Google it. Here is one of many articles that explains the difference…http://www.militaryonesource.mil/12038/Project%20Documents/MilitaryHOMEFRONT/Troops%20and%20Families/Tools%20for%20Families/HPI/Natural_and_Logical_Consequences.pdf
A punishment has no correlation. Such as, you get 2 weeks restriction for not eating your dinner. Or I will spank you for running across the yard without me. Etc. Sending kids to their room or time out are ALWAYS just punishments. (And by the way- I find nothing wrong with punishment when needed…I just prefer LOGICAL consequences if available.)
Raising kids is very hard…mostly because we are responsible for calling them to accountability for their actions. As many have said, better when they are 8 to learn than when they are 17 and driving their “freedom of speech” and “I can do whatever makes me feel good atitude” DRUNK into my family car.
Thank you to all parents who do the hard work it takes to spur our children on into responsible adults!
…and please – dont ever take their “freedom of speach” again! The very idea of shutting my kids up by holding my hand against their mouth gives me goosebumps. Make someone else do it to you and feel what that does inside you – then reconsider and get rid of this method!
Actually, I know exactly how I feel. I loose the freedom to speak all of the time. Like say, when I’m at a movie theater and I don’t want the authorities to escort me out for ruining the movie for others. I feel THANKFUL that my mother taught me not to talk whenever I feel like it.
Or say in our weekly office meetings when my boss is giving a presentation to us. How do I feel? THANKFUL that my mother taught me to respect others by not talking when they do. (Consequently, I’ve never been fired and always have gotten promotions-even as a teen at McDonalds.)
Thank you, mama for teaching me that freedom of speech is the dumbest “right” ever and that loving and respecting others above yourself is FAR FAR more important.